Games That Fail The Reality Check

Cafe Society
1

MONOPOLY: The bank will never loan you any money, no matter how much real estate you own (you may mortgage properties, though).

In CANDY LAND, no one ever eats anything.

In MARVEL HEROCLIX, Captain America cannot break an ordinary store window.

In WARCRAFT II for the PC, a farm house, once burning, will keep burning for the rest of the game, without ever burning down. It will continue to produce resources while it does so.

In the PC game DIABLO, if you are not strong enough to wear Chain Mail Armor, you can carry it around in your backpack until you are strong enough to put it on.

In the PC game DIABLO, it is impossible to jump over a waist-high stone wall.

In the detective game CLUE, the murderer is not aware that he did it, and can win the game by catching himself.

In first-edition ADVANCED DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS, a 12th-level fighter, statistically, could survive a fall from pretty much any height (based on average hit points for a 12th level fighter vs. the average falling damage from any given height).

In MAGIC: THE GATHERING, demons can benefit from Blessing and Holy Strength spells.

In the MUNCHKIN card game, it is possible for one player to be half elf, half dwarf, and half human.

In the aircraft miniatures game CRIMSON SKIES, five planes cannot fly the same maneuver in formation. In fact, unless you’re playing the Hollywood Knights squadron, no more than TWO planes can fly the same maneuver simultaneously (although this only goes for the most recent version of the game).

The PC game SYSTEM SHOCK II takes place in a high-tech future where space travel and laser pistols are possible… but an ordinary pistol, brand new, cannot fire more than fifty bullets or so without breaking.

In the NUCLEAR WAR card game, it is possible for one country to completely depopulate another country by subjecting them to propaganda. (The entire population picks up and moves!)

In the role-playing game CALL OF CTHULHU, players’ characters routinely go insane. Under many circumstances, players may continue to play their crazy characters.

In the PC game THEME HOSPITAL, if you forget to put bathrooms in your hospital, patients will crap in the middle of the halls.

In the PC game, THE SIMS, sims can never have sex. In order to allow sex, players must purchase the LIVIN’ LARGE expansion.

Can anyone add to the list?

2

In Chutes and Ladders, eating a piece of bread gives a little kid big muscles!

3

I’ve never played CoC, but from what I know of the game it seems a little unfair to call this unrealistic. Isn’t the point that being exposed to the sorts of horrors that appear in Lovecraft/the game is enough to drive most people mad? And in real life, you don’t get to stop being yourself once you go crazy…you’re stuck with your “character” until you die.

4

In the PC game Medieval: Total War only royalty dies of old age. Everyone else is immortal.

5

In pong the rackets don’t appear to be supported by anything. And inertia and spin are imperfectly implemented.

6

It’s WonderBread. Builds strong bodies 12 ways.

7

Why is this unrealistic? I mean, where else would you expect them to go? If they’re sick enough, they won’t be able to reach the windows.

Belive it or not, Gary Gygax (much) later claimed that that was actually a typo in the original D&D game that they somehow missed in each revision. It was, according to him, supposed to be (distance fallen)^2 d6

In Hero 4, an average person can hack through a brick wall with a knife in a minute or two. And punching the ground makes a one or two hex hole.

In Settlers of Cattan, you can build sheep out of wood, or compress sheep into stone. (sheep-rock)

Does ANY game ‘pass’ the Reality Check?

–
‘Dammit, I have wood for sheep!’

8

PAC-MAN: That little yellow guy can just keep eating and eating and eating without ever having to take a crap… :smiley:

9

Chinese Checkers. The instructions are in English.

10

Wang-ka I think you have WAAAAAAYYYY to much time on your hands.

I will check witht hte hubby and son: they play most of those PC games.

I like the chain mail issue… apparently it gains weight as you gain strength.

11

In most first-person shooters, your character can run, jump, and swim after being shot several times, and while carrying six or seven heavy weapons and a backpack full of ammo.

12

u want some sense of reality in games? try playing postal 2. very twisted, but i guess a lot of the reactions of other people are quite real…

13

Heh, heh.

Actually, I wasn’t griping. I mean, NONE of these games are anywhere near close to what we’d call reality. I just thought some of these rules and variations were pretty FUNNY, actually. Mafungo the Barbarian can slay dragons, demons, and demigods, but he can’t climb over a waist-high stone wall?

Except for Theme Hospital, that is. Well, actually, that was funny, too, but it was also kind of appalling, all at the same time.

I forgot to build a restroom in one hospital, and people suddenly began crapping in the halls. What’s worse, sick people are nauseated when they see people crapping in the halls, so they become nauseated and begin VOMITING in the halls, which causes your janitors to frantically run around trying to clean up the mess, while the chain reaction of patients crapping and vomiting all over the place grows larger and faster, the more people enter the place…

Actually, this probably IS fairly realistic. Suffice it to say that in every hospital I ever built after that, I made damn sure there were sufficient restroom facilities…

14

If you keep clicking the ‘critters’ in Starcraft, eventually they’ll spontaneously go up in a nuclear explosion. Okay, maybe they’d generate quite a static charge, but fission? Even on another planet, that’s just silly.

15

Mario brothers, etc. he dies by touching a turtle that has no method of killing him. No spikes, flaming shell,acid,etc.

Conversely, he can survive a nuclear blast to the face by eating a mushroom.

16

If you’re talking about game rules that don’t make sense, you must be talking about Murphy’s Rules!

http://www.kovalic.com/Murphys/Murphys.html
http://www.gamespy.com/comics/kovalic/Murphys/samples.html
http://www.sjgames.com/murphys/

17

In Halo for the X-Box, Master Chief is a cybernetically enhanced super soldier in body armour, that also supports an energy shield. He can take multiple direct hits from weapons that can shoot down space ships. BUT! He’ll die instantly if someone walks up and slaps him…

18

Well, in hospitals, people have bedpans, so it’s not like ALL the patients would be crapping everywhere.

Would they?

19

According to any of the ‘Dynasty Warrior’ games, generals on foot in ancient China could single-handedly kill over 200 soldiers within 30 minutes. And some of them could shoot fireballs.

According to Bullfrog’s ‘Theme Park’, a badily design rollercoaster will fling riders to the corners of your park - where they will have a bit of a cry than carmly exit your park.

‘Risk’ (the board game) introduced the idea that a single cannon could hold out against half a dozen men who’ve been sent over to invade another country.

In ‘Diablo 2’, a little dead pygme could drop a halberd 50% taller than him. Oh, and cows carry a large amount of money.

In ‘Transport Tycoon’, I had a train carry passangers going around a 20m loop with no stops. It ran continuously for about 70 years - with the same passangers.

20

Gameplay issue rather than a rule, but…

In the Rogue Spear/Ghost Recon/Raven Shield series, you play Special Forces characters who can’t jump and can’t climb any incline more than ~15 degrees.

WTF? We playin’ this game on friggin’ Jupiter?