In “Civilization,” even a battleship can take 10 years to sail from your city to the city of the civilization that you’re attacking.
in ‘counterstrike’ the soldiers will whine about how the terrorist will refuse to come out of the their ‘camping’ strongholds to fight like a man…
In Console RPG’s, people can survive nuclear explosions if they have enough HP but be easily killed by a hidden knife in a cut scene. Likewise, nobody is ever killed by falling incredible distances.
Actually, console games have a lot of issues.
http://project-apollo.net/text/rpg.html
In **Fallout **and Fallout 2, One can be on the edge of death from mutiple gunshot wounds, but given enough time to rest, will always recover completely.
In the Sims, Nobody eats or uses the Toliet while at work/school.
In 95% of the games out there, characters require niether food or rest.
In First person shooters, mutiple gunshot wounds is really nothing to worry about.
Yeah, I always liked the fact that in the shooter “Max Payne,” you can recover from multiple gunshot wounds by simply taking some painkillers.
And in “Civilization II,” any bomber mission takes a minimum of two years to execute… a year to fly there and bomb the target, and a year to fly back to their base.
Although a Diplomat unit can bribe a bomber crew to change sides. While he’s standing on the ground. While the bomber is flying overhead. Always wondered how they managed that…
Remember Duke Nukem? He could heal his wounds by kicking over a fire hydrant and drinking the water.
Pirates!
Where to begin…
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The best way to win a sword fight is to pick something that does a lot of damage, then get right in the guy’s face and flail like a maniac. Don’t even bother parrying; the damage you do will more than make up for what you take. And don’t worry about any long-term health consequences, either, since you’re only wounded if you lose the fight no matter how many times you’re stuck.
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The only women in the entire Carribbean available to a privateer captain are governor’s daughters (or if he’s extremely fortunate, merchant’s daughters). Furthermore, it’s marriage or nothing…no short flings, one night stands, casual romances, etc. And of course, monogamy is very strictly enforced, because we all know how big professional sea robbers were on monogamy.
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If a fort is under siege by a stronger force, rapidly losing morale and men, the soldiers will always fight to the last man and never surrender, flee in terror, attempt to negotiate, etc. They gladly perform this noble sacrifice because it gives the citizens more time to hide their gold from the scum pirates…whereupon it vanishes, never to be seen again. :rolleyes:
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Even the mightiest cities will have a grand total of one merchant, and if he doesn’t want to trade with you for any reason, tough. (Thinking of forcing open the market at gunpoint like John Hawkins did? Heh. As if.)
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Likewise, there’s exactly one tavern, which is the only place to recruit new men. Oh yeah, you can never recruit only part of a force; it’s all or nothing. Furthermore, they have photographic memories and remember each and every person who enters the bar that day, so subsequent visits will not yield recruits…y’know, cause you look desperate or whatever.
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Pirates, no matter where there from, have the hand-to-hand combat skills of bedridden peasants. Therefore, engaging enemy troops (especially cavalry) directly in land battles is a strict no-no, and it’s imperative to win every sword fight quickly before your force decides to just slit their own throats and get it over with. Fortunately, sword fights are pretty simple, as explained above.
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As far as titles go, the most important thing is to get your foot in the door. Once you have that all-important Ensign rank, you will never be denied a promotion by that country again, no matter how many times you attack it afterward (oh, and don’t worry about losing titles either; it never happens). This can work out tremendously to your advantage when there are multiple countries at war with each other.
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When you’re ready to call it a career, first find some heavily guarded city (preferably a friendly one) and attack it overland. Then move all your men over water or swamp, and keep them moving so they can’t use their muskets. Result: annihilation. Now march into the city. If the city belongs to an enemy nation, the guards will keep you at bay with a lot of gunfire, but be persistent and eventually they’ll relent. (If it was friendly, it still is; only successful attacks make a nation angry.) Sell all you can and divide the loot. If you kept your crew alive, each man’s share would be that much smaller, thus hurting your reputation…but because of your insane, hopeless attack, your one remaining man has a fortune, thus vastly improving your reputation! And since reputation is one of the thing that decides what you’ll be doing for the rest of your life, well, it’s all good.
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By the way, hope you don’t miss your lost sister, or father, or any other family member you weren’t able to find on some side quest…because they’re lost forever. That’s right, the ONLY time you can search for them…
…ah, you get the idea.
And the really wild part is, I know that someone can come up with a lot more.
Computer games…gotta love 'em. Or hate 'em, depending.
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The whole point of Munchkin is that of being a spoof of unrealistic RPGs and the people who play them.
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Well, it is a comedy game not a serious strategic one.
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Actually I’d argue that this is very realistic. Player characters can have long term mental problems from seeing normal carnage such as grisly murder scenes or being under severe psychological stress for long periods of time.
Marc
Well, yes.
MUNCHKIN is a comedic card game, a spoof.
So is NUCLEAR WAR. As in “funny.”
…and you don’t find it funny that there is a “serious” RPG that not only allows your character to go insane, but will permit you to keep playing an insane character, under certain circumstances?
I wasn’t GRIPING. I was LAUGHING!
As in “Funny!” You know, humor? Ha-ha?
In Grand Theft Auto Vice City, one can run a motorcycle at top speed (easily over 100 mph) into a cop car coming at top speed, get thrown for about 2 city blocks, and walk away with only a 20 HP reduction. If one is wearing a bullet-proof vest, you come away unscathed with just a small reduction in the bullet-proofing. But one can drown in under thirty seconds in waist high water. One can also survive a car crash of any severity without any reduction of HP, provided that 1) you don’t land in water and 2) if the car rolls onto its roof, you run away within 15 seconds before it blows up. Drive a Lamborghini at top speed into another car coming the opposite direction or off the roof of a building or into a brick wall and you will be just fine.
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Not really, given that many people have mental problems and continue to lead a productive life.
I understand, I just don’t see what’s funny about Nuclear War or Munchkin failing any kind of reality check. Now a 10th level fighter surviving a fall from any height? That’s comedy gold.
Marc
In Civilization 3, it is mathematically more cost-effective to create a force of mounted (as in on horses) warriors armed with poor spears and other cheap weapons, than any other offensive unit. Ditto for the Greek Phalanx and defensive units.
In Shadowrun (1st edition), any character could automatically guarranteed at least a very minor success at a very low cost in Karma Points... which came very easily. It was theoretically possible for a starting character to summon a spirit strong enough to annihilate the universe.
In Shadowrun (Sega Genesis), every gun in the game used the same clip. And these clips could be changed from one gun to another after being partly used.In Spaceward Ho! (v4), a player can colonize a world with a mere ten people. Without any immigration, these ten people can strip mine the planet and/or terraform it to start a vibrant, bustling world with a population of half a million people.
In Shogi (Japanese chess), your foot soldiers, lancers, and horsemen are all gold generals in disguise. So are the sliver generals, for that matter.
But not impossible to jump through iron bars!
In 3DO’s Might & Magic VI…
- Bows don’t require ammunition
- Food takes up no space, never spoils, and is eaten only on long journeys - day to day, you don’t need a bite to eat
- Money also takes up no space - you can carry a million gold pieces in cash as easily as one
- Although the locals regularly claim to be terrified of the monsters about the place, in practice the peasants never get picked on
- Perhaps because of this, they will stand around like stuffed dummies while a fight is raging all around them
- If you accidentally hit a peasant, anyone who sees you will become enraged. However, if you step into a shop, tavern etc, everyone will have calmed down when you come out again
- Nobody ever chases you into a dungeon or out of one
- If three (out of four) party members are dead or unconscious, the whole party still moves at normal speed
- Dead or unconscious party members can still carry their full share of goodies, even if they have been “eradicated” (vapourised)
- If all four party members die or are rendered unconscious, any hired NPCs they have abandon them to their deaths, even if they are not in any present danger and the party members would have got better by themselves (or the NPCs could have healed them)
- Dead peasants and monsters lie about the place indefinitely. However, when you loot a corpse, the corpse vanishes
- Dropped items lie about the place indefinitely, except that if you leave the region or enter or leave any dungeon, such items vanish at once
- The entire continent has no visible means of support; there is no farmland, no cattle, and no trade
- Shopkeepers can always afford to pay cash for whatever you are selling
- A deposit in any bank in the land can be drawn against *straight away *in any other bank - not bad in a pre-technological society
- All treasure chests are immovable and unbreakable
- Livery stables and passenger ships don’t advertise their timetables, which they never deviate from for any reason
- Sailor NPCs know maritime shortcuts that the merchant captains have obviously never picked up on, since they can always get a ship to its destination in less than the advertised time
- Faced with a five-day overland march on a clearly marked road, you can cut off four-fifths of your journey time if you hire suitable guides
- Shopkeepers can tell how much money you have: If you have 10,000+ cash on hand, they will insult you if you visit their shop and do no business; they say nothing if you are poorer.
- Some rumours that you hear relate to tasks that need to be undertaken. However, the rumours still circulate long after you have dealt with it.
- On the other hand, if you beg, threaten, bribe or kill someone, your reputation suffers instantly, wherever you go… even if there were no witnesses. Apparently the bush telegraph can function when it wants to.
Isn’t this how Stalin tortured people he didn’t like, putting them on a “Train to Nowhere?”
Probably not, but it would be interesting.
Pokémon can be fully immulated, electrocuted, and in all other ways effed up, but only faint.
Link can survive on only milk and never sleeps unless an old woman reads a boring story to him.
Megaman, a super-powered robot blows up upon contact with a spike.
An elite counterterrorist soldier in Counterstrike can be stymied by a chicken in his path. Jumping over it is a hassle. A shotgun blast will result in a squawk and puff of feathers.
God forbid you kick the chicken out of the way.
In the HEROCLIX miniatures game, the veteran version of Superman does the exact same damage with a punch as the veteran version of Batman.
It is impossible for the Joker to kill anyone. No one can. All battles end when an opponent has been beaten unconscious.
Only Sinestro and the robot Sentinels may capture an opponent. All other heroes and villains must beat their opponents senseless before achieving victory.
Any flying hero or villain who is flying more than a few feet off the ground may not fire any kind of weapon or ranged attack at units that are on the ground. Ground units, however, may fire at flying units, no matter how high off the ground they are.
But pokemon can die for no reason whatsoever, come back as ghosts and come back for the sole reeason of beating the shit out of your pokemon.
And X, a superdeeduper powered robot, can die by touching water, but won’t from touching lava.
a long time ago in ‘diablo 2’, mephisto didn’t mind dying over and over again dropping various inexhaustible goodies at the rate of like 3 minutes per player for legions of item hungry players all over the world, resulting in some real world devaluation of gamer’s ‘assets’…