You need to stop losing so much weight! If you must know, I’m actually trying to get into shape. I’m supposed to lose weight. Yes, I know I’m irresistible, but I still have four pounds to go.
You teach high school? How can you stand those kids? or When do you think you’ll be finding another job? For the record, I love the kids. The job is difficult, but I’m good at it, and I enjoy it, and I’m extremely proud of what I do.
What’s for dinner?
Upon hearing that I went to Harvard: “Wow! What’d you get on your SAT’s?” Can’t put my finger on why this is so very annoying, but it is.
"You look a lot like your brother/father/mother/grandfather." Genetics At Work!
"This mouse isn’t working." (On attempting to use my computer mouse, positioned at the left side of the keyboard and with the right-hand button being the primary.)
On seeing me smoking: “That’s really bad for you, you know.” Thank you, you have a keen grasp of the obvious.
Upon hearing that I work several weeks out of the year in our Italian office:
Wow, that must be like a paid vacation!
Right, because my DREAM VACATION would be to leave Mr. Del at home and spend 24 hours a day with my boss. To be expected to perform all of my work duties while in a country where I am only passable in the language*, to have to share a desk and computer with an Italian employee (and I bet she’s thrilled that I disrupt her work day), where the work day + company dinners every evening = ZERO personal time, and also expected to remain completely on top of everything that is happening back in the US office.
Granted, there are many nice things about working in Italy, and overall it is a positive professional experience but kindly do not confuse my JOB with a VACATION. I work very hard at my JOB so I can enjoy nice VACATIONS. While on vacation, I like to spend time with family and friends, sleep until noon, and lounge by the pool with a big fat book, with the only interruption being the arrival of a big fat pina colada. If hell freezes over, and any of these things start happening while I’m on the job in Italy, I’ll be sure to let you know.
*Yes, I know that as an American in another country, I should make efforts to learn the language, and I have made some progress on my own, however I believe that if my office wants me to be 100% fluent in another language then it is up to them to cough up the time and money for me to take actual classes.
Wow - you guys get a lot of s*** tossed at you. I guess nothing about me stands out enough to warrant even those stupid comments. Never thought being ordinary was a blessing, but I guess it might be.
But I’ll scream the next time someone says If you don’t like the weather in Iowa, wait five minutes, it’ll change.
I don’t know why it bugs me so much – maybe cuz it isn’t funny anymore, but also because the person saying Iowa’s weather is special or different can’t be paying any attention to what’s going on in the rest of the world. Meteorologically, politically, socially or culturally. For me, that little “joke” symbolizes Iowa’s provincialism.
You’re fat: Duh! Your grasp of the obvious is stunning!
You’re from Mississippi, are you a racist?: No.
You’re Balding, why don’t you use (fill in the blank) Because I’m not anal about how I look, dipwad. I don’t care that I’m going bald, because quite frankly, I like it. My wife finds it incredably sexy as well.
Are those your kids?: No, shithead, I just cloned them in my basement lab a few hours ago! Can’t you tell?
She looks like you, He looks like his Mother: I would hope so, since I’m their father and she’s their mother.
He looks like you, She looks like her Mother: I would hope so, since I’m their father and she’s their mother.
What are they doing over there? Summoning Hastur? How the hell should I know?
Does she ever make you change diapers? MAKE?, Hell, I change most of them.
Hey! You can cook!: So you think now. I secretly added a odorless, tasteless poison into your dish. You’ll be dying shortly.
Aren’t fat people supposed to be jolly? No, I’m not required to laugh at anything you think I should find funny. I’ve heard it all before, and quite frankly, it was dull as shit then, never mind the ten million times I’ve heard it since then.
(gasping for air)I’m sorry! I though you could take a joke about your weight!: Just pray I let go of your throat, asshole.
It’s comedy! Laugh!: Quit breathing and die, that’d be funnier.
You’re from Mississippi, do you all have indoor plumbing, wear shoes and do you all drive pickups?:
(Asked in Pennsylvania)
[ol]
[li]Yes, since the turn of the 19th century.[/li][li]Yes, since they’ve been invented.[/li][li]No, we do not all drive pick ups.[/li][/ol]
I’ll stop now.
-“It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity!”
overheard MANY times in my hometown, where it’s not uncommon for it to be 95degrees and 95percent humidity.
-“Wow, you’re strong!”
I don’t spend all that time in the gym for nothing, boy.
-“Man, you’ve got some big feet/hands!”
Don’t EVEN think about asking the question that’s on your mind right now.
-“You lived in DC? Do you know Bill Clinton?”
Oh yeah, he and I go WAAAAAY back.
-“You wear a DRESS to compete?” (Highland games/strongman competitions)
It’s not a dress, it’s a kilt. And, don’t ask what I wear under it, or I’ll be forced to show you.
**"Is that your natural hair colour?**No. I purposely went out and made my hair this colour. From the time I was born. Nimrod.
"Wow, does the rug match the drapes?" Again, Nimrod. None of your damned business. Yes, I’m a natural redhead, and NO you can’t see.
"So Canada, huh? You must be really polite." Of course I am, Nimrod - but that is because I was raised that way. Because we’re ALL polite. We’re ALL friendly. We’re ALL just Americans on Prozac.
"Do you have a dog team? Do you live in an Igloo? Are you an Eskimo?" Yeah. I’m allergic to dogs, it’s 80 damned degrees, and the word is INUIT. Nimrod. Thankfully I haven’t had too many jokes lately about that since I just moved to the mountains. Now it’s all (and from other Canadians, 'cause Americans don’t get the tv show it’s from)
"Canmore, eh? Do you know Mike? Got twenty bucks?"
"You Irish?" Yeah, but only half. Other cultures have redheads, too. Particularly the Icelandic people, who GOT their red hair from raping and pillaging and stealing Celtic women to take home.
**“Is that your kid?”**LOOK AT HIM FOR CRYIN OUT LOUD! If he isn’t my kid, then he’s my Mini-me. Nimrod.
"Why is your son’s last name different from yours?" Again none of your damned business. No, I am not married. No, I never have been. Get over it. Nimrod.
"Ginger - you get that name from Ginger Spice?" I’m thirty years old. I listen to a great variety of music, and in that broad spectrum the Spice Girls don’t figure. Nor does Ginger from Gilligan’s Island. I have RED hair. Get it? Nimrod.
Whew We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread, sans fed-up, glow-in-the-dark, non-freckled, not-married, kid-havin’ redhead.
Ginger
Hiya Ginger! I’m a non-freckled redhead too. Oh, and I had a kid before I got married, and I have some French-Canadian in my family history.
Wanna be my friend? We can sit around and not ask each other stupid questions. 
Ok, but only if I get to not call you Nimrod.
Ginger
Not a problem. You can call me PsychoVixenBimboB****FromHell. Will that work for you?
What if I just wanna call you Bob?
Ginger
Seeming Post hijacker
** You two are sisters? You look nothing alike! **
Yep, didn’t the last name give it away? I know the freakish German name is oh-so-common and all, but geez. And the fact that we show up in the same car, and when I’m not working, I’ll drop her off at work despite the fact that I live 20 minutes away…And when my mom comes to get her at night, she hugs us both and tells me to drive safely? All mere coincidences…
** You’re only 19? You look so much older! **
Yeah, that management shirt, it adds years, I’m telling you…I had a girl at work insisting that I’m 24. She even made me show her my license, and said it was a fake. Yeah, because I WANT an id that says I’m only 19…stupid bitch…
** So you must love the free food huh? Lay off the cheeseburgers…<grin> **
Just because I’m overweight, it doesn’t mean it’s because I eat this crap…I can barely look at it, much less digest it. I’m heridetarily overweight…it runs in my blood. and I have a thyroid disorder, which doesn’t help much either…
** Did you know you have an accent? You’re not from around here, are you? **
I never noticed…the fact that I was born and raised in the south means nothing…I just have a slight twang…
** Your watch is pink…**
Very good, you know your colors…you get a gold sticker…do you know what color gold is?
And my personal fave…
Pamela huh? Like Pamela Anderson? You don’t look like her…
I had the name before she had the boobs. She may have made it famous, but she didn’t invent it. Get over it.
OH nooooooooooo! Not that! ANYTHING but that! :eek:
Oh dear. Newbie SDMB girl has offended. My bad :o
Ginger
LOL! Didn’t you know all people named Pam are supposed to look alike? 
In reference to my highly unusual last name:
How do you pronounce that? / I’ve never seen that name before / I’d never have guessed you pronounce it like that! / What is that, French?
Gaaaaah!!! DIE! Do you think that, just perhaps, I’ve been getting these exact same questions from every single dumbass who has seen my name in writing for the last 25 flippin’ years?! I am fully aware of every interesting fact about this name that there is, thank you! Just take my damn word for it and move the hell on! I wonder if this has contributed to my antisocial character…
'Sokay, Ginger! I was just making fun of all the guys here named Bob. How 'bout I call you Betty, and you call me Al? :eek:
Annoying because it’s just so freakin stupid:
[sub] (when I had bright, obnoxiously red hair)[/sub]
** how did you dye your hair that color?**
[sup]* (note usage of answer in the question itself)*[/sup]
Annoying because it’s freakin stupid and I hear it 9.67 thousand times each day:
[sub] (while pointing at my lip and/or eyebrow piercing)[/sub]
** did that hurt?**
Sometimes I’ll reply, “um… it felt like someone shoving a large piece of metal through it.”
They will sit there contemplating this for a moment and then say, “oh. well, did it hurt?”
::::SIGH::::
I very nearly lived in Bob, Canada…
Also another stupid question: Northwest Territories, Canada? Where is that?
::smacking self in forehead with palm of hand::
Do you eat whale blubber? Hey! You ever blown a seal?
I’m not tellin’!
Persephone - that was exactly what I was thinkin’ of doin. 'SAwright? 'Sawright!
Ginger