t.v. ? I spell it TV.
kids would go to bed when mom Brady tells them to
Male cops would look like cops, but female cops would look like models.
There would only be five fat people in the whole world.
People over 70 would be exceedingly rare, and would speak entirely in vaguely pornographic one-liners.
Annoying character traits that should get one shunned by decent people would be treated as harmless foibles. In a corollary, you could take vicious cheap shots at all your friends and have your remarks met with no more than rolled eyes or a dirty look.
Catrandom
All children would be mouthy knowitalls who need to guide their inept parents.
Everyone would be beautifully dressed and housed while never needing to actually work.
No problem would take more than an hour at most to resolve.
No problem would remain unsolved and no people left unreconciled.
Police chasing suspects would wreck cars, smash into buildings and fire guns into crowds with no negative consequences.
The few poor people around would either be criminals or so spiritually uplifted they solve problems for others and then drift tactfully away.
Veb
You never give them, either. 
Disputin, The Debauched One
1 a archaic : to make disloyal
b : to seduce from chastity
2 a : to lead away from virtue or excellence
b : to corrupt by intemperance or sensuality
Knock-out drugs take effect within two seconds of drinking (inhaling/being injected with) them.
These drugs are apparently available at your neighborhood 7-11, because every two-bit crook has access to them (they’re on the same shelf as the bottle of ether & rags).
You go into a book store or library looking for info on a subject you know nothing about, and right away you find the 1 or 2 books that tell you everything you need to know.
If you seach the internet you will find in the first few links what you are looking for. You will NOT get: misdirected, a porn site, a broken link, or a site is down message.
Whenever you turn on your TV or radio, exactly the program or news item you want to hear comes on at that exact moment, starting at the begining and playing through without a commercial.
Whenever the phone rings, you can pick it up either on the first ring or go through a mad scramble throughout your home trying to find it. When you do answer the phone, the person on the other end speaks so rapidly that you can respond in less time than it takes an ordinary person to get two words out.
Whenever someone rings your doorbell, you are within a half-step of the door.
No matter where you are in the house, the place you don’t need to go through more than one doorway to be anyplace else (unless you are scrambling around looking for the phone.)
Well that last part was a bit scrambled, so let’s try this.
Wherever you are in your home, you don’t need to go through more than one door to get to any other room.
I understand all the words, they just don’t make sense together like that.
If real life were like t.v…
…I’d be walking around in spandex tights, big boots, and a bright red mask and matching cape, threatening anybody who looks oddly at me to a triple-threat match with me and the “Ungodly Bob” in the
“Fiery Electrified Cage of Certain Doom and Peril!”
…either that or I’d be the wierd guy that lives next door and comes over to borrow your toothbrush (canned laughter)
A list of general Movie Cliches
Lazy today 
FOUL!
SingleDad, you can’t play in my thread any more.
Kramer would burst into my apartment every 10 minutes and I’d have a different beautiful girlfriend every week.
“My hovercraft is full of eels.”
This doesn’t belong here. This is true in real life too. Everyone knows that!
All your friends would pop in to your appartment (which, despite the fact that you live in a major metropolitan area, is never locked) 23 times a day and immediately walk over to the fridge to open a bottle of soda and start sipping away whilst yapping on and on about trivial things. You would be OK with this. The fridge would automatically keep up its stock of 100 different soda brands.
When you look out of your window, there would ALWAYS be a beautiful woman in underwear/nekkid/workout gear in the oppostie appartment. After 2 or 3 hand signals, this woman would be your date for that evening.
Coldfire
Voted Poster Most Likely To Post Drunk
"You know how complex women are"
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)
And some TV Cliches. My day to be lazy.