Relief-seekeing customers would walk into a pharmacy and announce their hemorrhoid problems to perfect strangers.
Every bed would be fitted with special L-shaped blankets that reveal the man’s chest but not the woman’s.
The most virulent space aliens could be fended off with an ordinary CO² kitchen fire extinguisher.
The villain would never personally finish off the good guy, he would leave that task to some incompetent boob of a henchman- but not before revealing his whole diabolical plan & the means by which it may be thwarted.
All products would be referred to by the brand name and people, even complete strangers, would gladly volunteer testimonials on how effectively they work and offer free samples.
Everyone in a room would always sit or stand facing the same wall.
Every business or organization, regardless of its size, would have five to ten employees who do everything in the business.
Everyone would always wear the exact same outfit. (Cartoons only)
The more evidence there is that a person is guilty of a crime, the more likely he or she is to be innocent.
99% of all sex would be between people having sex for the first time together.
Wackiness would be much more common. In fact, every residence would either contain a wacky family or individual or have a wacky family or individual living next door.
Everyone would find blondes more attractive than brunettes.
. Everyone would “meet cute” and get married after a whirlwind courtship.
. Single guys would all live with a couple of hot babes and a wacky guy friend.
. After getting pregnant, you give birth in highly comical circumstances (in an elevator with a group of fascinated onlookers). Then you put the kid on the school bus and he is not seen again until he is a rebellious teenager.
. All young girls would leave their small hometown for the big city right after graduation; get many interesting, diverse jobs and make many interesting, diverse friends; live with a wacky roommate in an enormous apartment with a view of the Empire State Building/Golden Gate Bridge/ocean/other major landmark.
Everyone would have a genteel, well-dressed, well-coiffed mother who plays tennis at the country club. Everyone would have a kindly befuddled dad who calls his son “sport” and daughter “princess”. The parents would have been married for 27 years and are thinking of moving to a condo in Florida.
No matter how badly you screw up at work, not to worry, somehow things will turn themselves around and the boss will think you are a genius.
Should your child have a minor sort of pet (turtle, goldfish, praying mantis) and it dies while he or she is in school, you are honor bound to move heaven and earth to find a replacement before the child gets home.
Whatever brand-name food product you are consuming at any given time will be the center of the universe and priority one over anything else. You’d think nothing of trading your newborn son for the last candy bar or selling your diabetic grandmother’s insulin for a bowl of some breakfast cereal.
Okay, gang. This one is destined for MPSIMS, but before the board police catch it let’s not mix medias.
You’re blending cheesy sitcoms with cheesy commericals.
In the meantime, as long as this lasts in GQ let’s wish TUBA a Happy Birthday!
Your cell phone will work anywhere, in a parking garage, an elevator, even down a mineshaft.
Unless you need it.
You can speak on a cell phone while driving a convertible at high speed through city traffic, and be able to hear the other end of the conversation perfectly. In fact, your passenger can hear it, too.
“I drive way too fast to worry about my cholesterol.”
Of course, I would be having amazing sex with 12 different beautiful women, each with perfect tan, tits, hair and wearing tight revealing clothing. None would ever stop by unexpectedly and not know anything about the others, except for the three who enjoy bisexuality and threesomes. Each week one would uncover my philandering and I would comically set things right, or meet a new equally scintilating lady.
I, of course, drive a BMW and have access to expensive SUVs and Convertibles anytime depending on the weather requirements at the time. I am witty, well groomed and dressed 24 hours a day. I work a total of 2.5 hours a week to maintain my jetset lifestyle and afford exclusive dinners with my ladies, and frequently appease them with expensive jewelery and rare antiques.
Unfortunately, you wouldn’t actually be having sex with those 12 women. The most that would happen is that you’d be in a romantic situation with those women, maybe end up in bed with those women with one of opus’s L-shaped blankets, but then the commercial would come and nothing would happen. Sorry.
Now if life were like a porn movie . . . but that’s a different thread.