After missing 3 days of work due to being sick, I was understandably wanting to be on time to work today. I was doing fine until I hit I35 North. Now anybody with a half a fucking brain who learned how to drive in the U.S. should now that if you’re not passing someone then stay to the right.
This greasy aftermath from canine cluster fuck of a person refused to move over. He insisted on doing the same speed as the driver in the right hand lane. This Ethiopian jug fucker was driving like old people fuck…slow and sloppy. The ball grabbing, ass licking, douche nozzle of a man was laughing at how far he had traffic backed up. I was an hour late because this vagina blood fart would not merge into the right hand lane. When I finally was able to pass this dingle berry on the ass of life on the right he rolled down his window and started trying to talk shit to me and everyone else passing him. He needed to put his dick beater over his dick sucker and shut the fuck up so he could possibly figure out how to fucking drive.
This is my first pit posting so I hope this was worthy.
If I were Ethiopian, I’d cut off your testicles and serve them in my restaurant. WHERE do you get off calling someone a perjoritive name like “Ethiopian jug fucker?”
But I AM old. And you have NO idea how I fuck, you stupid piece of underaged excrement. I am NOT sloppy(references on demand).
And “slow” might just be your ticket to a world you only dream about, you fast fucker.
If you had just said “I’m having bumper stickers printed up that say “If you aren’t passing, then get the fuck over”- who wants one?” You’d have gotten at least an 8.5. But the overdone “greasy aftermath/jug fucker/douche nozzle” seemed forced, and the unecessary and questionable refence to his ethnicity (How do you know he wasn’t an Eritrean jug fuckler?) and misguided “anyone who learned to drive in the US knows to stay right except to pass” (have you driven in Europe? Or even Mexico?) additions drag it down to a 2.5, tops.
I said nothing about his ethnicity. He was white man. He was from Ohio for all I know. True some of the comments may seem forced, but those are some of the insults my friends and I use. What does driving in Mexico or Europe have to do with it? In the U.S. most people are taught that slower traffic stays to the right. If you not taught this, then I don’t know what to say. I mean most highways even have signs saying, “Slower Traffic Keep To The Right”.
OK, Greathouse, “Ethiopian jug fucker” is totally inappropriate and liable to piss nice people off. Is that what you want? I’m on I-35 twice a day, and I see some not-getting-over behavior, but I’m not calling anyone ethnic epithets. Shame on you. What’s going on with you?
Speaking on behalf of theI Impoverished African Nations Pottery Defamation League, he will be hearing from our lawyers. We don’t take the term “jug fucker” lightly.
Do what you will in the decadent West. Proceed at your peril. YOu have been warned.
Methinks you all are being hard about this. The combination of various modifiers is better than average, and although not Hemingway, was something of an entertaining OP.
Or, as the Bard would have it, keep thee to the right lane, you pernicious, half-witted hempseed!
Hey, we all hate getting stuck behind a slow driver when there’s plenty of room to pull over.
That being said, the OP didn’t get to work an hour late because he was stuck behind a single slow driver, he got to work late because he started out late.
The OP didn’t observe the driver ‘trying to talk shit to me and everyone else passing him’ because he was way past the driver by then.
The OP, in my opinion, just wanted to squeeze out as many modifiers as possible in his first Pit rant. I’m all for creative writing and artistic license, but this ain’t it.