I’d very much like to be on the cover of the New Yorker, drawn by Abe Hirshfeld, with oh, let’s say, 4 Ninas in my drawing. That would be nice.
Sports Illistrated’s greatest athlete ever. That award includes free swimsuit issues ever year.
Tiger Beat, of course. And I want my picture the biggest. Those NYSNC boys can be down in the corner maybe, with the caption “What ever happened to…”
Maxim-just cause I like it.
I’d like to be on Magnet or Mean or some other slightly obscure music magazine because that would mean I was a popular musician but I am prejudiced against Rolling Stone and Spin.
Either GQ, SI or some chick magazine.
Scientific American with the caption “Nanotech’s Most Prolific Inventor”, Forbes with the caption “The World’s Wealthiest Techie”, Time with the caption “Man of the Millennium” (Don’t tell me it’s taken, I want to see 3001), or Wired with the caption “The World’s First All-Non-Organic Human”. Those could well happen sequentially. 
Physical Review D
Oh, wait, they don’t have cover pictures…
The cover of National Geographic:
World-Reknowned NGS Anthropologist and Pulitzer-Prize Winning Author Wins Nobel Peace Prize!
would be the headline. And look…there’s Sarah, caught in the middle of helping African children filter fresh water.
Breathtaking, isn’t it?
Accompanying articles would include my dissertation on the lost Pompaiian culture and an excerpt from my non-fiction book about the lives of the ancient Greek and my fiction novel told in the viewpoint of a young Greek girl in living in 400 B.C.
I’d wish to be on the cover of a magazine, but since I already have, I won’t keep wishing.
I made the cover of Skin Art magazine back in 1993 or so (and quite a few pounds lighter because I’d just finished a marathon). I had gone to a tattoo convention, where the tattoo magazines usually have portable studios set up for you to volunteer to have your tattoos taken. I signed up for the hell of it, and ended up in line behind a woman who reminded me of Fran Drescher. She was really nervous, and talked the whole time in line about how she went out and got her back tattooed specifically so she could make the cover of one of these magazines, to show to her mother. I’m serious.
It wasn’t but a month later that I got a call from the editor, who wanted to let me know that my face/chest shot made the cover, and that I could have extra copies for free. I never got paid, but I think I asked for like a couple dozen copies. Not too many left, but I think Obfusciatrist actually finally went out to get one of them framed last week.
[I guess if I **really** wanted to lose weight, I can hang that framed cover on my refrigerator door!!]
I want to be on Ebony, as one of the “Most Eligible Bachelors”.
On the cover of Linux Journal, sitting in my brand new jet black corvette with my recently aquired trophy wife.
Caption: All you need is a server and a dream
Yeah.
You people are so disappointing!
No one has said that glorious weekly crap mag People
But in reality, I’d like to be on the cover of Maxim, because then I would be a truly one-hot-mama in a leather bikini and whip. ( Yes yes, I know. I can be one in the privacy of my own home, but what would be the point then? I mean, having my husband horny and all to myself is, well, the foundation of our marriage.)