If You Could Be.....

The whole relationship thing isnt even on my list of what I want anymore…I dount I will ever marry of do the live in thing again.

I have always wanted to write, always. Since I was a very little girl, I made up stories, and later wrote them down.
Alas, I lack the self disicipline to actuall sit & write. There always seems to be other things I have to do, the laundry etc.

I have a play all written in my head, about a woman who goes to investigate the bizarre death of her mother at a secluded cabin. She is having problems with her husband, and is glad to get away from him for a few days. She stays at this cabin & as she packs up her mothers things, she comes across a journal which describes strange happenings in the cabin. She reads a bit each day, and at night, the same sort of things happen to her, so she is not sure if she dreampt them, or if they happened. Something is tantalizing her, seducing her, then begins to terrorize her. The ‘spirit’ eventually kills her, as it did her mother.

I have been batting that around my head for a year or so. I also think I should be writing about my mom, and all that is going on. My experiences might help someone else, and although it is not the sort of book I would read, it would probably be a good book.
The only problem with that is that it is really hard to go back and relive this stuff long enough to write it down. Like when my stepdad pulled up in the car, asked me to get in, and told me in the parking lot that it was cancer. His broken voice, the guilt at having to tell me that way, and the sad hope…" They caught it early, she is going to be fine, there is all sorts of stuff they can do."

And that night, on the phone with moms sister, and I got a call from mom telling me that my brother and his wife were coming over, I wanted to know why, she wouldnt say. I clicked back to my aunt, and asked her, she told me it would be better to wait till they got there.
“Oh God! Is there something wrong with the baby” I cried (My sis-in-law is pregnant)
“No, its not the baby” she was crying now.
“Is it Mom? Is she gonna die?”
We both cried, she was so sorry to be the one to tell me, I still feel bad I put her in that spot.
Brother & sis-in-law showed up, I was calm, as they told me the details.
Then she started to tell me about the new floor Mom was on, and how great the nurses were because they dealt with cancer all the time.
A horrible realization crept over me - the cancer ward. I started screaming…its all a blur…I couldnt get any air…the room was so small!..the cancer ward! All those people are sick! …there is NO AIR!!!.. those people die!! I did NOT want my Mom around those sick people!
I started whirling around, clawing at my throat, I am gonna pass out- there is no air! I have to find a bag, anything! something to breathe in…My brother grabbed me and held me really tight, telling me to consentrate on the air going in and out, I fought him at first, then clung to him and cried.
I dont know how other people react when they get news like that, but I was ok up to the part about the new ward, then I just went bananas, I just couldnt stop screaming. The next day, I took the kids to school& daycare, and went to work- that lasted about 15 minutes! Then I went home, and tried to absorb what I had been told.
The word seemed to bounce around my head like a chant…cancer cancer cancer

It took me all day to get to the hospital (it was only 10 minutes away) and I stood by the elevator and let a couple go by before I could get on, then I stood outside those doors - the cancer ward doors - and it was all I could do to force myself through. I was sure I would see these horribly sick people everywhere, I thought mom would look different. She didnt. She was still Mom,a bit beaten, but not defeated. She just looked at me and said: “I wondered how long it would take you to come here.”

I think I should get that one started. What do you guys think?

I have no clue what I want to be when I grow up. Bestselling novellist comes to mind, but I’m such a freaking perfectionist I rewrote this post twice and deleted a dozen words. I’m currently working on a major in physics with a math minor, so maybe I could be a famous physicist.

Yeah, right. I don’t understand a damn thing about Fourier transforms.

Guess I’ll find out what I want to do for a living some day. . .
– Sylence

“The problem with reality is the lack of background music.” – Anon

And here I thought my dream was different :wink:
I always wanted to be a vet or vet tech too, but I have a feeling it would be too much to handle emotionally.

After reading Michelle’s posts about her job and watching a lot of what I now know to be heavily edited emergency vets, I wonder whether I could handle the emotions. People abuse and neglect their animals so badly; could I master myself and not scream at people? I think I could overcome mild sqeamishness, but the human aspect worries me.

The part that attracts me still is the idea that I could be helping, even on a small scale. But I feel sort of old to go back to school.

TVeblen–here’s a website for you: http://www.petsit.com
I have a wonderful sitter who leaves a detailed journal of how the pet behaved and what they did together. She obviously enjoys her work, and has a very loyal following.

When I was 10,I wanted to be a go-go dancer. Amazingly,at 30 I did.I am happily retired. If I had my way,I would own a used bookstore,with obscure and good books.


(blushing furiously) Umm…errr… (looking down at her toes) gee, I…I… don’t know what to say. That’s awfully kind of you, really. Gosh. Wow. Thanks…you kinda made my day. :slight_smile:


I am #1. Everyone else is #2 or lower.

Byz: I know what you mean. It would be extremely cool to see your own name on a book at a bookstore, wouldn’t it? That was one of my dreams, too. Or to sit at a table in front of the store, with a HUGE line of people waiting for me to autograph their copies of my New York Times #1 bestseller…LOL! Ahhhhh…I’d have loved it.

Let me know when you finish your book, though. I’ll be the first in line to buy it! :slight_smile:

Great thread.
Perfect world, I’d be a rock star. Barring that, and being an animator or an artist for Marvel Comics, I figure I’d write the great American novel. ‘Cept it’d be pulp science fiction. No mean feat, writing the great American SF pulp novel, but what the hell, I’m fantasizing here.
I even know what it’d be. It’d be called The Night Fantastic, and the protagonist would be the King of Hearts. It’d be on an Earth that’s been yanked through the warp and woof of our universe into some grey limbo (plunging it into eternal night–I think I’d keep the moon in the sky, though). The King of Hearts, who was a kid when it happened, is now, for reasons I have yet to figure out, kind of a wandering demi-god with nearly unlimited power (and a cool sword–I told you this was pulp), but no inclination to do anything about the sorry state humanity finds itself in now that the Earth is floating in a lot of gray nothing, for reasons which I also have yet to flesh out. I think he did something really shameful at one point, and is now depressed, and a little nuts. I have little else at this point but some character names: Dark Joan (can’t decide whether to have her burned at the stake or not), Sister Luna, maybe someone named The Kid. Details, at this point, are sketchier than a 50-year old man at a cheerleaders’ convention, but I hope to get my thoughts in order at some point and actually put the story down, so if you see it at B&N, you heard it here first.


We have met the enemy, and He is Us.–Walt Kelly

In retrospect, I’ve fulfilled many of my life’s dreams:

When I was little, I wanted to be a ballerina. Then I realized I would have to wear a PINK tutu LIKE ALL the other ballerina’s and this did not sit well with me. ( In fact for my first recital, I wore a purple tutu and stood out in the crowd 6 year old pepto bismo colored dancers.) Even at an early age, I stood out and had to be different.( In my twenties, I use to be in a german folk dance group " more drinking than dancing" was our motto.) and we were international…meaning we went to Canada every year to perform at Octoberfests.)

Then I wanted to be a cowboy. But space and herding cows in the burbs of Detroit proved to be fruitless. ( I spent a couple of summers on my uncles ranch in Florida. I still want a pony, though.)

Then I wanted to be a private eye, thanks to Magnum and Simon and Simon and all those other shows. This is before I realized I don’t give a rip about anyone elses pathetic little screwed up life. ( I have never been a private eye, but I have watched the Maltese Falcon a dozen times.)

Then I wanted to see all the cool non-touristy things in this world and write about them. Regretfully, two weeks time off is not enough time to traipse the world in an efficient manner. ( I was a travel agent and worked in the business.)

Here is what I will do in my life time, provided I don’t die tomorrow:

Perform on stage in a local theater production.

Take lessons in photography to improve my skills with the camera.

Become a published author of trashy novels with heroines with backbone, common sense and nuts. ( Yeah, I know, it will never sell unless she’s a dipshit.)

Do travel stories like Charles Kuralt ( Minus having the mistress in Montana)

Do stand up comedy. Even if it’s once and not in front of my dog, then at least I will have tried.

Rule the world with an iron fist.

"No job’s too small, we bomb them all."
-Ace Wrecking Company

You know, I was just contemplating describing one of my ‘novel’ ideas too, seeing as how this board seems to have a lot of frustrated writers on it, but then I realised how it’s not such a good plan to reveal even snatches of an original idea in an incredibly public place such as this.

Thus I warn thee.

Wow, thanks so much, Byzantine and StStella, for your words of encouragement. And to Eden, for the great link! Everyone else has such great aspirations (especially Dr. J’s Ben and Jerry goal <g>) that I felt like a real dork. Here are artistis, actors, writers, and wonderful stuff and my main dream is to be a petsitter!

All through this day from hell (and I should be doing some work now instead of having fun here) I was walking on air. It’s like, YES, it can happen; this doesn’t have to be for the rest of my life. Hot dang, maybe it’s really possible and not such a totally doofus idea!

BTW, I really love my work and it’s very rewarding. It really makes a difference in people’s lives but it is demanding and I’m beginning to tire out. Didn’t want to misrepresent the facts…

Byzantine, I am quite sure you will see your name on that book cover. Your posts jump off the screen here, and the bits and pieces you’ve posted are good, really good. It sounds like you write because you can’t stand not to write. It’ll happen, you’ll see.

Anyway, your responses made my day. Many thanks!


I want to be an artistic pornographer. Actually, pornography isn’t the exact way I’d put it, because that word is very charged, and I don’t want to pander in smut to the least common denominator. I want art. Sex and love involve humans at their most human, most raw, most uninhibited and open, and I want to capture that. Be it in poetry or fiction, essays, photography, or other artwork, I want to show sex as exposing the rawness and the essence of human relationships and identity. And then I’ll put it all in a nice magazine and publish it.

Like that’ll happen. But I’m trying nonetheless.

I want to be a field biologist. I want to go out and observe animals in their natural habitats and figure out why they do what they do. I haven’t decided what kind of animals; maybe bugs. Bugs are way cool.

I guess I could have done this originally; I can’t remember now why I decided it would be a good idea to become an engineer. It has its good points, but it wasn’t my original dream.

My husband said that after the kids (not yet conceived, never mind born) are out of the house, he’s going to law school (while I support him). After that, he’ll support me through more grad school.

Better get started!

The Cat In The Hat

Fantasy: I want to have an A&W rootbeer stand across the street from Sunset beach on the north shore of Oahu. Great beach - breathtaking sunsets & a lifetime supply of A&W = heaven.

Reality: An eccentric old lady. The old part is automatic & I’m workin’ hard on the rest.

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TVeblen - do it!

My sister-in-law started her own pet sitting business about 4 years ago. She began by putting up notices on supermarket bulletin boards. This year she’s had to quit advertising because the business has grown so fast. She has six employees! If you’re good, the word gets out.

Don’t overlook the downside - she works all the holidays. How about a 14 hour workday every thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years.

Good luck.

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