If you could give ten pointers to someone who is just about to begin posting on this here message board, what would they be?
Note: This is not a thinly hidden plea for help in my budding posting career.
- Don’t frustrate yourself with some people. They were, are, and will always be buttheads.
- If your political leaning is right of center, you’d best have thick skin-you’re in the minority.
- Hi, Opal!
- Learn the catchphrases, if only for 20 minutes back in 1960, or prepare for a 1920’s style deathray attack by Duran Duran.
- DNFTT
- Don’t piss off the Mods.
- Search is your friend. What you think is new may well have been done a dozen times over.
- Attend dopefests. Meet the smart people, the hip people, and the dipsticks.
- Learn how to play Doperball.
- Welcome other n00bs.
Welcome, CraigE. 
I can’t give you 10, but I can give you a couple.
L33t speak is frowned on here. Use proper punctuation and grammar. A misspelled word is acceptable now and then.
Preview preview preview. You are not allowed to edit your posts, so make sure you’ve said what you wanted to say in the manner you want to say it before you hit Submit.
Do not go into Great Debates unless you have an armload of cites and know what you’re talking about. It can be a bit intimidating.
Make sure you post in the right forum.
Welcome to the boards! Lurk much, think well, and you should fit in quite easily.
Now, where did we put that goat…
You can do what I do and avoid all the “Bush is a poopyhead” threads, since you’re not going to change anyone’s mind anyway.
Even if your politics are centrist, you’d better be thick-skinned. Still, they’re better here than some other places.
I disagree, but I’m pro-originalityismness. And maybe that’s just me.
Quality over quantity. Quality over quantity. <i>Quality</i> over <b>quantity</b>. It can’t be said enough.
My last post is demonstrative of the desperate need to preview every post.
I hope we’ve all learned a valuable lesson here.
:smack:
Rather than list ten and thus repeat some already-posted helpful suggestions, I’ll just chime in with two:
- Unless you know your answer will be unique (as in an IMHO “What’s your full name?” poll), read through a thread before replying. For example, in a recent (and possibly still ongoing) Cafe Society thread about music trivia, some questions were answered hours, or even days, after correct replies had already been posted. What’s more, some of the tardy guesses were incorrect, and thus doubly embarrassing! Of course, if you can refute the “right” answer, or post a link that provides additional information about it, you’ll be participating in the fight against ignorance that is this board’s mission.
- Don’t attempt to post under multiple usernames – somebody will notice, and you will be banned, as will all your sock puppets.
Welcome, CraigE, and may you be around to contribute your insights the next time this question comes up. Oh, that reminds me – it’s considered good form to place posters’ names in boldface, as I did with yours, and to make sure you spell and punctuate them correctly. Of course, there are exceptions (as in the case of DeepFried, whose actual “handle” is a bit unwieldy, and who is willing to accommodate [b[Dopers** who prefer to simplify it). And, once you get enough posts under your belt, you’ll learn which nicknames are acceptable (for example, I’m called Stern by various veterans).
I actually thought it was kind of clever, 'till you fessed up to messing up the code. 
1.Don’t take it personally.
Don’t take it personally if it seems like no one reads your posts, no one knows who you are, someone is snarky because you asked a question that has been asked and answered ten times before, someone points out a typo, someone misspells your user name, someone uses incorrect pronouns to refer to you, disagrees with you or just about anything else.
If you take it personally, you will exhaust yourself.
- Read more than you post.
The more threads you read, the more likely it is that you will understand what kinds of behavior are acceptable or not. If the only threads that interest you are of a particular type, I’m not saying you need to read threads that don’t interest you, I’m just suggesting that there are subtleties of behavior that you are more likely to recognize if you read more threads than you post in. (And especially more threads than you start.)
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Don’t get too hung up on typos, spelling errors, and other grammatical errors. But do be careful. Using proper English helps us all to understand you. And because most of us usually use proper English, we’ll respect you more and try to understand you if you use proper English.
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If a moderator gives you a warning, don’t get all defensive, but do learn from it.
And for heaven’s sake- recognize that a Moderator Warning is a sign that you have made a mistake, but not (generally) a sign that you are about to be banned. Just don’t repeat your mistake. In particular, if a moderator closes a thread, assume that that topic should not be pursued further. (Don’t start a new thread immediately upon the closing of another thread).
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Be careful about personal identifying information.
Don’t put personal information such as your address and phone number on the board. (It will be removed). don’t post personal information that you will regret on the board. Don’t post stuff you would mind seeing on a billboard two blocks from your house. Remember that once you post information, it is out there for good. Therefore, even though you posted your name, your city, and your age in three different thread over a six month time frame, someone can still search all your posts out and put them together and identify you. -
Links.
Links are generally good. But please, label links appropriately. Don’t post links that aren’t work safe. If you post a link to a news article that people must register to access, say so. -
Spoilers. Be careful what you post about a show or book or movie.
Use a little common sense- and a whole bunch of courtesy with respect to spoilers. Some threads in Cafe Society have spoilers in boxes, some don’t, some have a mix. Read the rules there, and read some threads to see how other people handle them.
Never assume that a work is so old or so well known that someone won’t get upset if you post a spoiler–especially in the title of a thread.
- Spoilers part two. Be careful what you read.
If you are interested in a show such as Survivor and don’t want to be exposed to spoilers, don’t read the thread after the show is likely to have started on the East Coast. (Yes, some courtesy from East Coasters is good, especially with respect to titles-- but it is silly to expect people not to post spoilers after an episode airs).
- Politics.
There are plenty of political threads in Great Debates and the BBQ Pit. If you want to contribute to them, great- go do so. If there isn’t a political thread on the exact aspect you are interested in, start one. Resist the temptation to bring partisan sniping into other threads, and other fora. In particular, recognize that some questions in General Questions take the form of “What did X Say/Believe/Do?” Answers that speak only to What are probably ok. Answers that bring up When and Where are usually ok. Answers that speak to Why are often more “political” than is permitted.
- Topics that don’t have threads.
Not all topics have enough people interested in them to sustain them. if there is a topic you don’t see covered, feel free to start a thread on it. But don’t get mad if not enough others seem to care to sustain that thread. Few things are more exasperating than threads that start with “I can’t believe no one has started a thread on topic X” except posts that say “I can’t believe no one has mentioned topic X” when someone else in the thread actually has.
This is great stuff for all new posters. I’ve only been here a short time and have posted little but do not really feel I’m here yet.
Someone made the analogy of being at a huge party, not really knowing anyone and trying to be comfortable. Its very true. You want to join in the conversation and you do so when you are with friends but its awkward when you don’t know anyone.
These tips help greatly! Keep the insight coming.
**1. ** Write your life’s mistakes in funny, well-structured posts so that we may wish to meet you and buy you a drink one day because of your ability to laugh at the dumb ass things you get yourself into. Not saying you are a dumb ass, per se, but we look forward to you proving me right
**2. ** When you feel comfortable with Doperville, sign up for the T-shirt/Mug/White Elephant/Post card/secret santa exchanges. Loads of fun and a great way to connect with dopers on a whole new level. Yeah, so I’ve only been to one mini-dopefest back before Y2k. Sue me.
**3. ** This is important and you have been given notice: ** Start Your *Dead Pool 2006 List * ** Now, now now! Make it a hobby like the rest of us hosers. The urgency to do this cannot be stated enough.
4. Every so often around here there will be a *Big Shake Up * and Unpleasant Things will occur and it will be Messier Than A Trainwreck of Peanut Butter. Some people take these kind of things seriously…way too seriously. Read the posts, watch them. Try to keep up with the trainwreck as it happens. Learn from them. Use them to make you a better person, grasshopper.
**5.**Learn how to write haiku’s.
6. Kiss goodbye to any spare time & hobbies you formerly enjoyed.
7. You must get a cat and then start a thread on " What should I name my cat?" I am cat-less still, after 10 years here…but I will get a feline overlord one day.
8. Expect 10 out of 10 threads to start to sink quickly. Expect 10 out of 10 threads you respond to to be instantly killed. If you start with low expectations, you can only go up.
9. Congrats, you’ve just spent the best money you can on the web!
Welcome to the Dope!
Oh, one more thing:
There are many dopers who have met and married and begatted children. You are under no obligation to do so.
Just thought you should know.
Yeah, I thought of trying to pass it off as intentional but people who know me know I’m not that clever. 
Don’t assume gender, like assume someone’s a she when he’s a he.
Gee. I’m not sure why this pointer pops into my head.
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Don’t do this
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Don’t do that
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Don’t go there
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Don’t eat that
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Don’t drink that
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Don’t talk to him
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Don’t talk to her
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Don’t step on that
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Don’t press that
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Don’t listen to advice
“Sign, sign, everywhere a sign…”
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Read much, post little. Always ask yourself: am I contributing anything new or interesting to the discussion?
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Don’t post to a GQ thread right away if you aren’t 100% sure of yourself. “I read something about this a few years ago but I don’t remember the details but I think . . .” is usually not very helpful. Keep an eye on the thread, and if nobody has an authoritative answer after a while and the thread’s about to fall off the page, then maybe step in. Maybe it’ll jog someone’s memory, or maybe not . . . At that point, no harm, no foul. But if you post that as the second post, and then somebody comes in and says, “No, no, no, that’s totally wrong,” then you look like an idiot.
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Google before you post in GQ. It’s not as fun, but you don’t want to waste people’s time.
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Reread the thread three times before each post if you’re posting angry. It’s surprising what you’ll miss, or misinterpret, when your blood is running hot.
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Preview your post five times if you’re posting angry. It’s amazing how stupid you can sound when you’re mad.
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If you’re really really angry, walk away and post tomorrow. I know it’s hard, but the thread will still be there . . . and maybe your opponent will say something really stupid in the mean time that you can capitalize on.
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If everyone in a thread is telling you that you’re behaving like an ass . . . you probably are. (sigh I speak from experience. It is not an easy thing to face about yourself.)
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If everybody in the thread except one is telling you that you’re behaving like an ass, take a close look at your defender. Is (s)he acting like an ass? If so, you’re in real trouble.
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The internet is your chance to impress people with how cool, rational and level-headed you are, even when you’re so angry you’re blowing frothy spittle onto the monitor. Don’t blow it. Kind, generous, tolerant people will always be better respected than flamemeisters, no matter how creative and entertaining they are with the goat-felching metaphors.
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Enjoy your fellow Dopers: a fabulous, knowledgable, witty, caring, generous group of people. We have a great deal to learn from one another.
One more warning about links I learned early on. Surprise links that that are meant to shock or scare are a no-no. And links to sites that are sick, disgusting or otherwise have no redeeming value should also be avoided.
Don’t take things too personally, especially in GD and the Pit. Sometimes you’re wrong, and you get called on it. Dwelling on things like that will only make you miserable, so don’t do it! Go to MPSIMS and read up on some silly kitty threads