I have no desire to have any for several reasons. My older brother had his first daughter in december and I am not really someone who wants to have another life totally dependent on me since I have seen that lifestyle and do not want it. I do not know where my career will end up, or if i’ll move around alot in life so I do not really want a child for that reason as I like my freedom too much. Another is that I don’t really want to pass on my genetics as I am succeptible to a few medical problems. The lack of money and free time that a child brings isn’t very desirable either.
So all in all, I’ll just be an uncle and i’m fine with that.
Currently, I don’t have kids because I’m 18, not in any sort of relationship, and a virgin to boot.
Despite the fact that it apparently makes me at worst a terrible person or at best a highly non-feminine person, I have no desire to turn my body into a vessel for something else to thrive at my expense for 9 months, go through serious pain, then spend the next eighteen years responsible for the actions of something not me. Also, I’d like to actually have a real career in a competitive field, which makes any sort of family life a non-option even if I did want it in the least.
Anyone who responds saying, ‘oh, sweetie, you’re too young to make that decision’ gets a serious pitting.
I’m twenty-eight, and I was around twenty when I decided that I don’t want to have children. It was around then that I began to understand how seriously lucky I am that I didn’t inherit more of the myriad of physical ailments my parents have and none of the mental ones (so far ::knock on wood::). If I were to have a child and they were victim of my dubious genes, I’d probably hate myself, and if I hated myself how good a parent could I possibly be?
Unlike a lot of people in this thread, I do like children quite a lot. I’ve spent a lot of time with kids, and have worked with them more than once. Kids are great because it’s facinating to see how they learn and develop. I don’t like babies, though. Nope, I don’t want to hold your new baby. If I must hold your child for some reason, like you desperately need to use the restroom, please please please come back soon. I’m also horror-stricken by the idea of being pregnant too, and can’t shake the idea that a fetus is a lot like a parasite… Neither thing attitude contributes to wanting to reproduce, as you can imagine.
I probably wouldn’t hate being a step-parent, though. Or adoption, I can imagine adopting two or three siblings that needed a home together, and hopefully they’d all be toddlers or older(the only reason I’d consider adopting an infant was to keep a set of siblings intact). So I won’t say that it’s inconceivable that some kid might someday call me “mom”, but I don’t think that kid would be biologically mine.
I haven’t gotten a lot of grief (yet) about not wanting kids because A. I’m not married B. Few people who don’t know me well have any idea I’m as old as I am. (I got carded buying the unrated version of Blade:Trinity just last week, for example.) So far, citing A as a good reason not to get pregnant shuts a lot of nosy people down My parents don’t seem all that interersted in grandkids, so I’m fortunate on that account too. But I can’t help to think my dad would make a great grandfather. Who knows, maybe my brother will have kids, lol.
When I was younger, I thought I wanted a horde of kids. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve realized that while I like kids - and I do - I don’t want to raise kids. The completely dependent on you concept…heck, at 31, I’m still learning to keep my head above water. If I had kids, it would have been much more difficult for me to leave my job, move and spend two years in grad school, only to move again.
I can’t imagine staying in one place for the rest of my life - but when there are kids involved, you have to think about their schooling. In all my moves, I’ve never had to think about what the local schools are like, just whether or not I like the apartments I looked at and whether I could get to work from there, or any other factors that applied.
Does anyone bother me about it? One of my aunts brings it up every time I see her. “Oh, you’ll change your mind someday”, no I doubt it. “Accidents happen”. Yes, they do. And if an ‘accident’ happened at this point in my life, I would have serious thinking to do (first, because it would likely be immaculate as hell) - do I have it & keep it, give it up or not have it? She was horrified that I would even consider not having a kid if I ended up pregnant.
At a recent (within the last 2-3 years), she actually said to me: “You know, if you get artificially inseminated, it’s not like you’re cheating on your future husband” :eek:
I don’t think I want kids, much less want to raise one or more alone. And dating is hard enough - I think it could only be more difficult as a single parent.
I love kids. I*love being around them. It doesn’t bother me when they cry. Sometimes it makesme laugh, which is a drag because they cry even harder when you do. My friends, of whom I am fortunate enough to have many, started propagated late, so I now have 9 or 10 little ones to spoil, for which I am so grateful.
I made the decision to not have kids a long time ago. The reasons I had back then were mostly fear-based and have been covered here. Although some of them are based in prudence (really bad protoplasm, can hardly take care of myself, couldn’t bear it if they came out as fucked up as I did, etc.), I, when I allow myself to think about it, am sorry things worked out like they did. Kids give you many things, and maybe one of the finest things they can give you is the chance to care intensely about something that isn’t yourself. Did that come out right? I hope you all get what I’m saying, IMHO, YMMV, etc.
For me, having to pull my head out my ass and suck it up because someone was counting on me to take care of them might have been the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ll never know.
Oh yeah, I’ve been married for many years, and no one has ever given us any shit about not being parents. I cannot believe some of the stories I read here; they blow my mind. We live in the Bay Area, I guess things can be different other places, but if someone pulled that shit on me I’d have to reach down their throat and floss with their esophagus.
I have never had any desire to father a child and I never will.
I’m in my 40s now. In my 20s, I used to hear so many people talking about whether they wanted kids, but I never heard anyone wonder if kids would want them i.e. whether they were cut out to be good parents. This is the question I asked myself. I had strong doubts that I’d make a good father, and so I figured the best course (for all concerned) would be to not to take the chance, and hence not to bring children into this world. As a corollary, I figure the only people who should have children are those who are pretty darned sure (as far as one can be) that they want children and they are going to make good parents.
I have never had any adverse reaction or any unwelcome comments about this, from any source. Both my parents got used to the idea very soon, and have never given me any grief about it. Slight compensation from their point of view: both my brother and sister are married and have had offspring. Slight downside: my sister has only had boys and my brother has only had a girl, so I (the youngest sibling) was the last chance for the family name to be preserved.
I’m perfectly happy with the situation and I don’t think I’d do anything differently if I had my time over again.
It wasn’t so much a decision, really, so much as one day I was watching my mom with my younger brother and realized that I really, REALLY didn’t want that. At the age of 10, I told her she’d be having grand-dogs and not grand-kids from me.
The nastiest reactions have come from my in-laws (batshit insane-type fundies) and this woman at work who apparently is now extremely unhappy that she had hers, and goes out of her way to annoy me with a constant barrage of “It must be nice not to have kids and be able to…” (fill in the blank with whatever - see a non-kid-geared movie, read an adult book, etc.). Oh, and my SIL, who seems to be under the impression that I’m not having them just to spite her, or something.
That is exactly how I feel! I really like kids once they get to the age where they can talk and are potty trained. However, I have absolutely no desire to have one. It’s like the whole maternal instinct thing is missing in me.
And babies–sheesh they scare me! I’m always afraid I’ll break them or make them cry. Most of my female friends or co workers will see a baby and immediately want to go over and coo at it or play with it. I try to stay away lest it senses my fear!
I’m 38 and all my life I’ve been told I’ll eventually change my mind and feel this incredible drive to reproduce. I believed that someday I would. Most of my friends who were anti kid changed their minds. I just never changed mine. At this point, I figure that door is closed.
Oh and I do mention that I have pets when talking about kids. Not because I think they’re the equivalent–quite the opposite. Having pets is all the responsibility and attachment I can handle! I know I’m not up for handling something I can’t stick in a kennel, that may outlive me (or worse, the alternative), and requires college funding!
They left out mine, too.
If I were interested in having kids, I would have done so a long time ago. Yes, I realize that women in their 40s (I’m almost there) and upwards can have kids, but I don’t want to go that route.
My brother and his wife had two kids, and our folks are fine with that. They are not heartbroken over the fact that they are not going to get any more grandkids.
I don’t mind kids and babies, but I just don’t want them around all the time.
I have family, friends and colleagues to hang out with, but basically I’m a loner. I like traveling alone, and I don’t mind eating out or seeing movies alone.
I also don’t dig the whole “Kid Universe.” I dislike McDonalds, Chuck E. Cheese, Disney-related things, kid movies, kid TV shows, noisy electronic toys and video games, and so on. I’d wind up being the meanest parent on the block for not taking the kiddos out for junk food, Happy Meals, soccer practice, and visits with Barney, Bob the Builder, and Dora.
And yes, it is more than a little annoying when people ask why I don't have kids and why I don't want to. I would never dream of going up to someone else and saying "Why do you have kids? Why do you want kids? Why do you want another kid?"
I have no parental instincts. I’ve been aware of this since some time in my mid-teens. I do not dislike children. It’s not an aversion to kids - it’s an actual lack of feeling either way. I enjoy watching other people enjoying time with their kids and I enjoy spending time with other people’s kids. I simply have never, ever felt the desire to have any myself. As long as I can remember having an opinion on the subject, I’ve felt that raising a child is such an extraordinary responsibility that one has no business taking it on unless one actively desires it.
cwPartner used to muse on the possibility of adopting a child in a very general way (“If I were going to have a kid, I’d adopt one”), but it’s never been raised as a serious possibility. I stated early in the relationship that I did not want a child and did not believe I’d ever want one, and that if parenthood was important, cwPartner should find a more accomodating companion.
I confess that I have nothing especially unique to add to this thread. I just feel that I should answer the call of the OP and add my name to the list.
I don’t have kids because I’m only twenty years old, and I aim to leave the making of serious permanent decisions such as this until I’m a bit older and wiser. I figure that if I change my mind and decide to have kids, that’s okay, but if I have them then change my mind, that’s less than okay.
I don’t think it’s likely that I’ll ever have kids, because I don’t think I’ve ever met a child that didn’t drive me insane, and the thought of having to put up with one or more for a decade or two is too terrifying for words. There are things I would rather be spending my time on. That all being said, I can’t claim with any degree of certainty that I won’t change my mind; I’ve been sure about things in the past and changed my mind about them, too.
Also, I’ve never received any kind of negative reactions to my plans. I’m guessing there’s nobody insane enough to raise an eyebrow at a twenty-year-old guy because he doesn’t have children, and I usually don’t go into too much detail about my intentions. Even when I do, though, nobody has ever really cared.
I have 2 kids that I “live with” (I am the live-in uncle who works on the road).
When they are cute and friendly they are mine, the rest of the time “you need to go find your mama”.
The way I see it I got the Grandpa job without having kids and my desire to have kid’s has been satisfied.
Besides, generally speaking you must have someone willing to have sex with you in order to have children and I couldn’t get laid in a Women’s prison if I had a pocketful of pardon’s.
I’m twenty-six and probably will not have children. I’m perpetually single, for one thing, and most likely can’t have any, for another (I’m going in for a more thorough check-up to see if the gynecological problems that plague nearly all my mother’s female relatives affect me as well–it certainly feels as if they do, at this point). Unlike many who’ve responded to this thread, I like children a great deal. It’s teenagers that I don’t like.
My SO and I have been together for about 5 years now and neither of us have the desire for children. I consider us lucky that we found each other- neither of us wanted kids, ever. Looking back on my childhood it really bothers me that parents, friends’ parents, teachers, at one time or another would ask ‘How many kids do you want to have when you grow up?’ As if it is a requirement. As a teen I figured the need have children would eventually kick in, you know, when you get old, like 22 or something :rolleyes:. Well the s.o. and I have blown well past that magic number, and neither of us is the least bit interested.
Like many in this thread have said, I think if you have children they need to be your number one priority, and I’m just not willing to do that. Also, there are just too many people in the world already. When people ask why we don’t/won’t have kids, we usually say we are doing our part to stop overpopulation.
Interestingly, I have noticed a lot more people these days willing to openly admit to not wanting children. I’m glad its become socially more acceptable.
Mrs. Stone and I don’t have kids either, and with my vascetomy last year I doubt thats going to change ever. Our decision was based on several things…
Age - 37 and 42, old enough to know that we DO know what we want and that it’s not likely to change.
Occupation/Money - We each chose careers that we enjoy, not jobs that bring in lots of money. We can live modestly and comfortably on our own but the expense of raising a child (properly) would require major changes.
Plain selfishness - We are both only children. While I don’t think we’re spoiled (but then, what spoiled kid ever thought it was?) neither of us wants to give up our easy lifestyle to devote 20 years to raising a child. … Now, don’t get me wrong here, I think that we’re both strong, caring people and if we had to raise a kid (if for example something happened to one of my cousins and noone else in the family could raise their child) we would not hesitate to turn our lives upside down to do everything needed to raise that child as best we possibly could. We just don’t want to volunteer to have to do that.
Principles - We happen to think there’s too many people in the world already and it’s just going to continue getting more and more crowded. We can’t stop people from having large families, but we don’t have to add to the problem. I think the ‘replacement rule’ of having two kids is a good rule of thumb, but I also have a couple of cousins who really want three kids, so if my wife and I don’t have any, then they can each have three and the status quo is maintained.
and lastly…
No need to pass on DNA - (this is just me, Mrs Stone feels slightly differently) I have never seperated ‘myself’ from ‘humanity’ so I have no need to make sure that my personal sequence of DNA is passed onwared. As long as any humans are still running around on the planet (or hopefully someday, in the universe) I don’t care if they once got their DNA from my loins, or my family name, or my country, or my (white european) race. Anybody sharing same genes since we climbed down from the trees (or for you creationists - since Og raised us from dust and a ribbone) is good enough to pass on the torch of ‘Humanity’ to the future.
<previewing above… Holy Cow, I had more to say than I thought! That was the buck and a quarter quarterstaff version of my $0.02>
People who are bringing up their pets are hijacking the thread.
Pets are in no way a substitue for children. A couple of my hobbies (bike riding, chess playing, and travel) are part of the reason I don’t want to have kids either, but they’re not substitutes for children.
Your interest in your pet may be a reason not to have children, but that doesn’t make the pet a substitue for a child. And if you think your pets are, basically, children, you’re seriously deluded about what it means to have a kid.
My parents don’t seem all that interersted in grandkids, so I’m fortunate on that account too. But I can’t help to think my dad would make a great grandfather. Who knows, maybe my brother will have kids, lol.
