What animal would you choose? This topic may have been done before, but I couldn’t find it. I say “wild” to avoid the obvious choice of a pampered pet.
This question is another way of saying “what wild animal has the best quality of life, on average?”. This could only be an opinion question, I think- I don’t think there is much that is quantitative that would go into this discussion (though there may be a few). I think there are a handful of things that might go into a wild animal’s “quality of life”- anxiety/fear, food, and environment jump out to me.
Which animals have the least anxiety and fear? It seems to me that prey animals would have the most anxiety and fear- constantly having to be on alert for predators. So I think large predators at the top of their food chains probably have the least amount of anxiety and fear. Even predators, though would face anxiety at times- whether a fear of no food, competition from their own species, or as juveniles, fear from predation.
Which animals have the best food? This may not have an answer, because every animal undoubtedly prefers the food it evolved to eat! But from a human perspective, I would think animals with a varied diet would experience the most “quality of life” from food- so omnivores or adaptive predators may fit the bill here.
Which animals have the best environment? Another possible answer-free question, because cold-adapted animals prefer bitter cold, and the opposite for tropical animals. But I think the answer may be flying animals here- it seems likely to me (and evolutionary advantageous) that birds love to fly. Similarly, fish and cetaceans probably love to swim. Flying sounds cooler to me!
So what animals have the best combination of these? For the first two, I think a big omnivorous predator like a grizzly bear might fit the bill- or maybe an opportunistic aquatic predator like a dolphin or orca. Taking environment into account (and the assumed joy of flying), then one of the bigger eagles might fit (maybe the Harpy Eagle?).
What categories might I be missing, and what other wild animals might have the highest “quality of life”?
That giant space-worm in The Empire Strikes Back. Nobody messes with him, and it doesn’t bother him if the neighbors make a lot of noise because, hello, vacuum?
That sarlacc, everybody keeps tossing bounty hunters and giant pig-boys down into his gullet, and those things tickle going down.
I’d choose a bird of prey. Not the spaceship, silly, an actual bird. They are at the top of their food chain,have virtually no predators to fear, and live a very long life without the degeneration that irks humans after mid-life. Plus, flying. And excellent eyesight.
Well if we’re going for ‘quality of life’ I recall the lifestyle of some particular African bird of prey (which I unfortunately can’t recall the name of) that was shown in a wildlife documentary. Said lifestyle basically consisted of hanging with its homies for most of the day and casually snatching a fish from nearby well-stocked lakes when it was feeling hungry. Apparently it spends on average ten minutes per day hunting and all the rest playing Tetris and catching up on Facebook (or whatever it is birds of prey do in their spare time).
That however would be rather boring and I think if I was captured by a mad scientist and forced to chose a non-human body I’d go for an Arctic-Fox
Pros:
They look cool (only canid to change fur colours in different seasons)
They’re frikking hardcore (it needs to get to -50 degrees C before they even start to shiver and they can survive to temperatures lower than -70 degrees C, for an animal the size of domestic cat thats frankly insane)
They’re smart and curious
Mostly somewhat loners and go on long expeditions (they’re been tracked walking across the whole of Canada in the space a year and making their way back to their original burrow, no-one is sure how they can navigate so well)
Cons:
Short lifespan, mostly due to polar bears, lack of food, harsh conditions and increasingly their bastard red fox cousins.
But hell, we’ve all got to go sometime…
Anyway, its an Arctic fox for me if a suitably mad scientist just has to stuff me into the Transmorgifier with his trusty assistant Igor on standby ready to use the Teleporter to transport me to my new natural environment (although knowing my luck I’d end up accidently sent to the Sahara or the Amazonian rain forest where I really would be screwed…)
Both scenarios assume I’d retain my human intelligence and memories as well as new animal instincts in my snazzy new form of course.
Honey Badger. Honey badgers just don’t give a shit. (It’s the internet, someone was going to say it eventually.)
If I really had to choose an animal to be (let’s say Disposable Hero’s mad scientist caught me) I would go with a different arctic animal, the polar bear. Big, strong apex predators that are even feared by humans. Why bother considering anything else?
Dolphins always look like they’re having the time of their life when they’re bodysurfing, leaping over waves, etc. I know they are preyed upon (namely by the afore-mentioned orcas, and sharks) but otherwise it seems like a fun life.
I could see myself as a clouded leopard, too, but I’d starve to death lying around admiring my own fur all day.
Flying would be too fun to pass up. So bird of prey, being eagle in Alaska would suffice. I’d spend my days eating salmon, flying around, and harass Discovery channel film crews and cast.
Deep-sea angler fish. I don’t suppose they are bothered by predation much, sexe is taken car of by having a parasitic male or two attached full time so that’s dating issues out of the way, and food just comes to you. Sure it’s dark in the deeps, but I’m already at my most attractive in total absence of light, so it’s all good there. Lots of time to hang out, swim and think fish thoughts.