Then let me introduce you to “Impact.”
The stupid! It burns! Gaaah!
When the article said “JAG” veteran starring in disaster TV movie, it took me a second to realize it wasn’t commenting on the quality of the film. :smack:
Their top disaster item is “cell phone service interruption”?
Maybe I’m being silly, but I would think it wouldn’t take an astronomer to notice the Moon had left its orbit. It’d be fairly noticeable to anyone with eyes and a clear evening sky. Besides, if the moon gets plonked with a sizeable amount of degenerate matter, wouldn’t the Earth be hurtling towards the moon? No, wait – if the chunk of dwarf-star sputum could have much effect, then it would weigh more than the earth and moon, so… oh, fuck, nevermind. My brain just overloaded on stupid.
Do you think they’ll take into account that tidal effects are inversely proportional to the cube of the distance between the two objects? I’m sure their crack team of scientific consultants will make sure of it.
I blame “Star Trek”. I think they did a lot to popularize the habit of just making up impossible astronomical events or objects as plot devices. And there are plenty of interesting disasters that really happen in space that could be used. Somebody should make a movie about a gamma burst. That’s scary stuff.
See, the tragic thing is that they could’ve taken a lot of the stupid out of their premise with just a little more suspension of disbelief: instead of having a dwarf star rearend the moon, just say “After a shuttle mission returns with what they suspect is an alien artifact, strange disasters begin happening on Earth”. You don’t have to show the aliens, and you only really need to devote 20-30 minutes, tops, to the artifact plot. Everything else can be the same lame-ass disaster movie, but now it’s cool via Alien Artifact Transitivity.
The problem here, is that I never thought Armageddon was a bad movie. I’d pay full admission just for the scene where Bruce Willis is presenting a list of his crew’s demands to Federal Officials…and I have a crush on Liv Tyler. So sue me.
Actually, there’s been a TV series about the dangers of gamma ray bursts.
Okay, I misread the beginning of this thread. I thought Armageddon was abhorent. I loved Space Cowboys, though. Jim Garner has a cute butt. Donald Sutherland’s a little bony, though.
Love, Phil
This is a made for TV movie? It can never EVER beat TEN POINT FIVE!!! The sheer genius of having an earthquake-driven crack in the earth chase down and swallow a train can never be matched.
Without cell phones, scientists will never be able to work out a plan to save the earth.
Lemme guess the solution – fire every nuclear missile on earth at some specific point in space to all explode at the same time and, er, send the moon carreening back perfectly into its old orbit.
Or, find a crochety old scientist who designed a space drive that nobody believed in enough to build, get it built and mounted on the moon’s surface to puch the moon back.
Me neither, but only because there’s so much that’s so much worse out there to compare it to. This latest epic, below even SciFi Channel’s standard for their portfolio of disaster flicks, could still not be worse than “The Core”.
This is funny. Just happened to come from a thread where you state how bad Apollo 13 is and then insult everyone who may actually like it.
But you are a fan of Armageddon.
Is that what “right-thinking people” are thinking now?
(Full disclosure time: I can not help but watch Armageddon when I pass by it on TV. I still recognize that it is a bad, stupidly ridiculous movie. Doesn’t stop me from watching.)
Loach, you have cleared something up for me. Specifically, I am far worse at expressing myself than I thought I was :(. FTR:
Apollo 13 kicks ass, and not just because I have great respect for astronauts.
Armageddon also kicks ass, because my sense of humor works that way. There’s also the whole crush on Liv Tyler thing.
Happy to help 
Thanks for clearing it up.
10.5 was awesome. Landmarks crashing down, dams breaking, nukes, gas, Fred Ward as FEMA Director Roy Nolan and hot scientist Kim Delaney bucking the system, the whole nine yards.
I’m always up for a disaster miniseries. I’m curious to see what $13 million buys these days.
Can it be worse than Atomic Train or Atomic Twister? Earthquake in New York? Asteroid with Michael Biehn as FEMA Director Jack Wallach and hot scientist Annabella Sciorra bucking the system? Who cares!
I predict it will end with citizens of the world gazing wonderously at the new sky with two moons or something like that. And bars representing the restoration of cell-phone service appear courtesy of At&t Wireless®
Or else the dashing scientist and the hot-chick reporter will emerge from the secret shelter only he knew about to find they’re the only humans remaining alive. Then she’ll reveal that the name she’s been using is just a nickname, and her real one is “Eve”.
I just might wait until it shows up on a SciFi Channel disaster-movie marathon. They run those on days when they’re not showing monster-attack-movie marathons or alien-invasion-movie marathons. it’s all the same 3 scripts, rinse, repeat.
This thing doesn’t sound pretentious enough. Dammit, where’s Irwin Allen when you need him?
I almost walked out of Armageddon when I saw it in the theater that summer, but a while later I ended up buying the Criterion DVD. It’s now one of my favorite “junk food” movies in its patent ridiculousness.
Also Ben Affleck’s (possibly drunken) commentary track is hysterical (paraphrased from memory):
Don’t forget his estranged scientist daughter(either widowed or divorced) with a young son. Oh, and she’s hot too, even though she wears glasses to look serious.
And she will be in love with or married to one of the other studly younger guys on the mission.
It is absolutely necessary for the one who discovered the disaster to leave everyone in the lurch and go save his teenage son or daughter. The world is ending through meteor strike or earthquake and the worlds biggest expert has to leave. Makes perfect sense to me.