If you wanted to sit around and chat, why'd you come to see a movie?

Shut the fuck up, already! Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ, I’m just trying to sit here and watch Changing Lanes because I’m smart enough to know that if you wait a week after something opens, when something bigger opens, and come at 4 in the afternoon to see it, your chances of having to deal with inconsiderate fucking jerks who won’t let you enjoy the goddamn movie are a lot lower.

But apparently you got that memo, too, and now you’re here with your high-sibillant-ratio conversation, sounding like someone’s punctured an inner tube back there and is periodically squeezing it. Here’s a clue, asshat: when there are forty people in the theater, you can talk at that volume because chances are, several other people are talking at that volume and the overall noise floor of the room is higher and it all sort of cancels out. But when there are four people in the theater, you need to keep your flapping pie-hole shut unless it’s close enough to the ear of the person you’re talking to that you could take their piercing out without using your hands. Got it?

Did you even know what it was I was applauding as you got up and left? It was that I was going to be able to sit and watch the credits in silence, you shit-for-brains twits!

Hear, hear.

The very next time some fuckmonkey sitting behind me says to their dimwitted companion, “Watch this. This guy’s gonna jump out and surprise that guy”, he’s gonna end up wearing his sphincter.

Listen, asswipe, If I wanted your fucking version of the movie, I’d save my 6 bucks and stand outside waiting for you. If instant gratification is so fucking ingrained into the gray slough that passes for your brains that you can’t wait for the plot to unfold, why don’t you stay at home and watch reruns of Friends?

And STOP kicking the back of my seat, goddammit!

I made a rant about this very same subject (I had an annoying couple sitting next to me during A Beautiful Mind), but it was lost in the board crash.

I’m with ya, dude.