Share your strangers-talking-in-a-theater-during-the-movie stories

Went to see ‘Secretariat’ today. Average movie. But in the row behind me, a couple of seats over, was a kid around 10 years old who would not STFU during the film. He constantly barraged his grandpa with questions about what was happening onscreen, and in a normal-conversation volume level.

“Grandpa, what’s he doing now? Are they at the triple crown yet? What’s that thing in his hand? Where is that guy going?..”

So, I gave them the stinkeye a couple of times to no effect. I wrestled with whether I should say anything, and ended up not because I honestly thought I would have little self-control over the words I would use and the level of anger I would display.

I think when (not if) this comes up again in the future I will speak my piece, but I’ll do it as soon as I identify a problem, before I’ve reached my boiling point.

So, share with us some stories of theater-talkers, wrapper-wrinklers and chair-back-kickers. I’m especially interested in the occasions where words were exchanged.
mmm

The Terminator
Two teenaged girls were talking in the row behind me at the end of the film. They did not grok that Reese was John Connor’s father until Sarah stated it.

Titanic
Two older women were talking after the film. They couldn’t believe that the elderly Rose threw the Heart of the Ocean into the ocean. They thought she should have sold it.

I was watching The Bourne Identity in a lonely theater with a friend of mine. There were maybe six or seven other people in the late-night showing. During the scene where Bourne rides the guard over the railing of the staircase and falls several floors to the ground a guy in the front row bellowed, loudly, “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” for the entire length of the fall. I still crack up when I remember it.

After the film?

Not mainly a talking-in-the-theater story but my worst happened during Pride; it wasn’t a great movie by any means and I went because when I arrived at the theater, it was the only thing starting. I actually enjoyed it ultimately, except that:

Two little girls about 7 and 5 kept leaving the row in front of me to go back a few rows behind me to sit with their parents and then back to the row in front. The 4 or 5 times they blocked my view as they went in and out (sometimes talking) wouldn’t have been so bad, except it always happened at crucial points during scenes!! (Like, I wasn’t able to figure out who that guy that just showed up was, or what the arrogant white swim team member said to them as the entered the white country club, etc.)

I wanted to strangle the kids and finally, near the end of the movie, their parents glommed onto the fact that they were annoying me and told them to pick a seat and stay there. Yeah, I could have moved but I like to sit way down front and kept thinking each time was the last time they’d move.

Piranha 3-D (This post involves spoilers for Piranha 3-D.)

There is a scene in which a guy falls into the water and the piranhas eat his cock. Some time later, a piranha, in full 3-D glory, swims past the camera, coughs a little bit, and then regurgitates the severed penis.

A guy a few rows back said, “That was unnecessary.”

Verily.

I rarely go to the movies, and only to the sort of movies you’d like to see in the theater. We saw Paranormal Activity in the theater, which is unusual for me because I rarely see horror movies at all, but hey - might as well enjoy the audience interaction. And I don’t like to perpetuate stereotypes, but y’all, black people really do talk a lot to the movie screen. It was a heavily black theater and we really had a great time - the tough guy behind me was just as freaked out as I was when you knew something was going to happen, and at one point the IIRC priest tells the dumbass couple to get the fuck out of the demon house, and the black girl behind me said “Yeah, like go spend the night in a CHURCH, sister.” And we were all, yeah, she’s right, you guys are fucking morons. Go spend the night in a church!

So really I only have positive “people talking in the movies” stories. When we went to see Wall-E we were terrified because right before the movie started a birthday party of 20 7 year olds tramped in and sat right behind us. They didn’t make a peep.

The thread is about strangers talking during the movie! :stuck_out_tongue:

The credits were still rolling.

The fact that you mention that they were talking during the credits in response to my claiming that the thread is about strangers talking during a movie indicates that you believe that the credits are a part of the movie. So why did you earlier say that they were talking after the movie? :stuck_out_tongue:

Don’t worry folks, I’m getting to the bottom of this. :mad:

Because I’m a troublemaker.

Reported for trolling.

This happened to me in a film class I took in college. I don’t even remember what movie it was, but it was screened on campus, in one of the lecture halls.

So sitting there, trying to watch the movie (paying close attention because there was always a test), but can’t hear half the dialogue because some bint across the aisle is yacking on her cell phone. She wasn’t even attempting to be quiet, just jabbering on about complete nonsense (definitely wasn’t an emergency call.) Anyway, so finally a guy a couple of rows behind her steps up, quietly taps her on the shoulder, and says, “hey, could you keep it down please?” Remarkably restrained, IMHO.

The lady FREAKS OUT. “How dare you! I will not be assaulted!” etc. And then, she pulls out a taser. A freaking taser! By now the poor guy is cowering in his seat, clearly horrified he has awoken the crazy. She’s waving the taser in his face, periodically pulling the trigger so little electric arcs are buzzing in the dark theater. “Don’t you touch me!! Don’t you DARE. EVER. TOUCH. ME!! I’ll talk all I want to! Who do you think you are?!”

The guy finally whimpers an “Okay, okay! I’m sorry!” She calms down, goes back to her seat, and starts watching the movie like nothing had happened. Few minutes later the guy leaves his seat and goes to get the TA, who comes in, talks quietly to the lady for a couple of minutes, and then escorts her out of the auditorium. I never saw that lady in class again, and I have no idea what happened to her.

I get theater talkers at about 40% of the movies I go to. If anyone says more than one sentence after the movie has started, I clearly and loudly say, “Please don’t talk during the movie. Thank you!” It works almost every time.

Yeah, but sometimes you want Sassy Black Girl to let Stupid Horror Movie Girl know what’s going on, you know? Sometimes it’s part of the experience.

I was watching a movie in a hotel in Miami. It was in one of the ballrooms – not the best location during the day. People were coming and going (It wasn’t a good movie – Bye Bye Braverman, IIRC). When the opened the door, the light from outside would come pouring in.

That was an annoyance. But every time the door opened, a woman behind me (I never saw her), said “Shut the do-or” in a New York accent. Every time. She couldn’t figure that people were coming and going and it was just something that we’d have to put up with. “Shut the do-or.” “Shut the do-or.”

I finally shouted out, “Are you here to watch the movie or the door?”

Not a peep out of her after that.

At a gruesome horror movie a few years back.

At particularly bloody scene some girl yelled out, “Eww Wee McRibs!”

I have yet to see a movie here in China that hasn’t been interrupted by multiple audience members talking on cell phones, belching, talking to their dates about unrelated shit, commenting loudly on the plot, commenting loudly about how the plot sucks, and so on and so forth. The last two times I’ve been to see movies at the theatre I’ve almost gotten into fights with assholes who wouldn’t shut up.

I went to see Note by Note: The Making of Steinway L1037. It was a truly stunning film to see building of an entire piano over the course over 12 months, 12,000 parts, 450 craftsmen, and countless hours of fine-tuned labor.

The closing credits is the audience’s first change to actually listen to the music that the instrument finally produces and it was so moving, it brought tears to my eyes.

Every single person in the audience stayed with rapt attention through the closing credits except that two women in the center of the theater started talking and didn’t stop.

I made a point of telling them how disruptive and rude their talking was and what a shame it was that they missed the culmination of an astonishing film.

Several others in the theater applauded me.

And now I know what to get my dad for his birthday. Thanks for the tip.