Tough question. I’ve two pre-teens, so it is very relevant. So far, none have asked about my previous experiences, but that will come.
I’d say drug use is the worst, followed by sex and alcohol. Drug use is potentially more addictive than alcohol (although individual certainly vary) plus, in NY, Rockefeller drug laws could see my children jailed for far too long simply for possession. Sex - the consequences of an error never cross their mind; at this stage, I’m more worried for my daughter than son (has more to do with the potential chances I see in the next few years for each than with traditional “man good, woman bad” thinking). Alcohol - this I have the most control over. For quite some time, my children never saw me drink. Recently, they’ve seen me have no more than a glass of two of wine or a single bottle of beer at a time. They’ve never seen me drunk. I’ve overemphasized at family gatherings or any other venue that I cannot have so much as a single drink if I’m the driver. I feel I have the most control over their thinking and can visibly set the best example in this area.
I agree with RickJay that the most salient issue is what’s most likely to cause death.
However, alcohol use is most likely to be deadly only when combined with driving (or frat initiations). So alcohol experimentation, underage, or drug experimentation, if my kid was driving afterward, or drinking or drugs to the point where the substance itself could kill, would bother me most.
Intercourse would bother me next most.
Then sexual experimentation that couldn’t result in pregnancy.
Then drug or alcohol experimentation where my kid had arranged it so s/he wouldn’t have to drive, and didn’t drink until bac was .2.
Then sexual experimentation that couldn’t result in pregnancy or disease.
Actually, the kids were OD-ing on Robitussin to get a buzz. Only ONCE did I get the scoop that they’d procured actual BOOZE, and I did not, in fact, rat them out that time (for one thing, they didn’t have access to vehicles).
I think my attitude had a little to do with the actual thought of catching them in the act.
I catch them drinking? I feel perfectly comfortable barging right in and having a conversation with them about the dangers of alcohol. I catch them ass-out, grinding, groaning, and flailing? I’m outta there! :eek:
For this reason (the idea of actually catching kids having sex), I shirked the nighttime troll through the woods, on nights when I was “on duty” (though, for the record, there were plenty of other teachers out there looking for naked kids–sometimes I lent them my flashlight).
And let us not forget that I did pull the “Pass one of them bad boys over here” routine when I caught some of my boys smoking cigarettes… and we damn near ALL got busted!
See, that’s so interesting because using the parameter of death/killing never really factored into it for me. But if you did want to go down that route, pregnancy and subsequently, birthing for teenage girls is actually quite risky and typically more high risk.
Instead of the death scenario, I’ve always pictured a bright, achieving high school teenage girl now strapped with raising a child and forgoing a college education to do so and ending up at a minimum wage job for the rest of her life. A fate almost as worse as death, IMO.
I dunno. I’m inclined to vote for drugs and booze as worst, in part because it’s so easy (at least for a girl, which is what I’ve got) to be taken advantage of. Get GHB in your drink or drink too much, and you’re an easy target for a rotten guy. It happens frequently here in party-college-town, making me wonder why the girls go out to get drunk. So in addition to death and various levels of poisoning, we have the rape possibility.
Not that I’m in favor of teenage sex at all, since I’m in the camp of “wait till marriage.” I’d be pretty dang upset–but I’d also want to know, since in the case of disease or pregnancy I would want to take care of her right and help her recover.
I don’t have kids yet, but my rankings would be worst: sex, then drugs, then alcohol as least worrisome. This is despite the fact that I personally don’t drink or use drugs.
I don’t particularly like the idea of pot, shrooms, or alcohol use, but it doesn’t seem to me that using alcohol/pot is in itself very dangerous. An intoxicated person doesn’t seem to be in much danger as long as he doesn’t have access to a car or a loaded firearm, etc. I would be concerned about legal issues, but by the time I have kids, pot might be legalized anyway (I truly doubt I will get pregnant anytime soon, so we’re talking at least 20 years in the future for my teen to start carousing around).
Perhaps because she used to own a bar, my mother had a very liberal attitude about alcohol. I was allowed to taste alcohol plenty of times during my childhood. Beer simply tasted bad to me, and it didn’t have the allure of being “mysterious” and “forbidden”. I think that is probably why I now have a “take it or leave it” attitude towards alcohol. My bro starting drinking in his late teens but never binged (to my knowledge), and he refuses to drive when he’s had any alcohol, so I don’t think he is/was a danger to anyone.
In contrast, I feel the act of sexual intercourse in itself can be risky…especially with teens. I would feel pretty bad about saying, “Hey, it’s okay with me as long as you use a condom” and then finding out they had caught herpes (which apparently can be transmitted even with condoms) or ended up with a pregnancy anyway. Of course, it wouldn’t be an insurmountable tragedy even if they did end up pregnant. I feel that most of the problems teen parents face are a product of social stigma rather than because teen parenthood is inherently wrong, and so I would do whatever I had to do to help my teen raise my grandchild (or help them do an open adoption if they really felt that would be better).