If You Were an Actor Whose Career Was on the Skids

Imagine that you were a rising star, when suddenly everything started going down hill for you. Your movies are panned, and the roles you’re being offered are less than “juicy.” Unfortunately, acting is really the only thing you want to do, so going back to waiting tables isn’t an option for you. Would you, like Tom Sizemore go into porn, or like Gary Busey and Billy Zane do a foreign film which involves a reprehensible storyline of a Jewish doctor stealing body parts from muslims held captive in a US prison in Iraq? Personally, I’d want to maintain a certain level of self-respect, so I’d do porn.

I’d follow Dennis Leary’s advice.

Get drunk, beat up my kids, run people over then go into rehab. I’d be famous again. Once I’d apologised and appeared on a few “Chat Shows” I’d be back being offered the juicy roles again!

Important caveat: assuming that one is male. Case in point: Nick Nolte and Robert Downey Jr. seem to have a big Dreamworks project in the works–together! With Owen Wilson, Ben Stiller, and Jack Black! Meanwhile, Margot Kidder is doing something for “Buffalo Gal Pictures” with nobody I recognize. But she’s working, I guess.

Infomercials? Hey, it’s certainly acting, and it pays.

It could be worse. You could be an Oscar winner and have to do Daddy Day Camp.

Let’s remember that Margot Kidder wasn’t a drunk who needed to apologize and do rehab. She suffers froma major mental illness and had a bad spell. But she’s been working with barely any interruption since the 1980s. Some people were just never intended to be superstars, she has a respectable list of smaller roles and guests spots and has been doing a lot of other non-acting stuff.

None of this is as bad as Christopher Walken agreeing to do Balls of Fury.

But I thought Christopher Walken was rather well known for never turning down a role, no matter how silly–a sign of confidence, I think, in his own end-of-the-day badassness.

Re. Margot Kidder, though, Cellphone’s right, it’s apples and oranges. I couldn’t think of another actress who had gone off the deep end, except for Lindsay Lohan and I suppose it’s too early to tell how her career will turn out.

Me, I’d go into theater and develope a rep there.

Then some TV guest star roles and perhaps a series.

Agree- his career has got to be the worst ever, post Oscar, even worse than Mairsa Tomei’s. This is why I think the Oscars should not give some hot newcomer an Oscar over an established actor, unless the newcomer performance is light years ahead of the other nominees, because it makes the award look less impressive when they go on to achieve nothing else in their career.

I would do porn with Lindsey Lohan. With a couple of condoms each time, too, in case one breaks.

Well, he and Hally Berry are tied for that honor, I think.

Become the star of a My Life reality show and sell the last remaining molecule of self respect for cash…or maybe wait tables.

I’d like to think I hadn’t spent all my earnings on blackjack, hookers, gold plated Bentley low-riders, and a mansion the size of a small European country, in which case I’d just live off the residuals and interest from my invested cash, and devote my time to scholarly research or travelling the world.

Otherwise, I’d probably go for the “Local TV” approach and getting my own TV show, or possibly going into voice acting work- it’s worked for Mark Hamill.

I would acknowledge that life doesn’t always let you do what you want to do, and pick the least worst option of those available, which might even be waiting on tables. There’s nothing to stop me doing that to remain solvent while trying to rekindle the acting career. Trying to regain status by whoring to the media (yes, I mean you, Britney) is worse than any of the alternatives.

I’d still do small roles and made-for-TV specials and appearances…anything to keep my name out there. I’d have hope that there are *some * fans out there who love me no matter how crappy a role I play.

Man, Christopher Walken rocks.

I would model my post-success career on somebody like Ron Perlman or Bruce Campbell. I’d take low-profile, cheesy-but-fun roles: low-budget sci-fi movies, television guest spots, voiceover work. Actually I think that sounds a lot more satisfying than trying to claw my way back to the top.

How exactly is going into porn “the maraschino cherry on the banana split of bad luck”, as Tom Sizemore says in the link?

I’m mean, sure, it has its social stigmas. So, too, I imagine, does getting in trouble with the law over and over again . But, once you’ve reached that threshold, how does porn somehow make everything worse? Is the ridiculous sex orgy really a rock bottom moment in anyone’s life? Did Tom Sizemore have hopes that he’d get a chance to sub for the Pope on occasion, and this is what finally put those dreams to bed?

I’m thinking that this movie could be great or a disaster. It’s by the guys behind Reno 911 and is supposedly about a Austrian Kung Fu martial arts ping pong player. I’m looking forward to it one way or another.

I would do Japanese commercials.