My tactic would be to tell her I needed to meet the guy, he needed to come to the house and have dinner and a chat with me and her father. That puts the onus on him to face her parents. If he refused, then I would tell her that I think that my condition was reasonable, and if he won’t do it, then he has shown that his intentions aren’t honorable, so no, she can’t date him. I would emphasize that we were willing to give him a chance, but he was the one who wouldn’t be cool.
If he did come over, I’d assess him via extensive conversation, and would get him alone and ask him why the hell he needed to date a junior in high school. I have a feeling the whole thing would resolve itself via that conversation.
I wrote 2 paragraphs of how I would react if this were to happen to me. Needless bullshit, all of it. It would not happen. End of story.
I don’t know the meaning of the word subtle.
Fortunately, we didn’t have this issue with my stepdaughter when she was that age.
If we had, the word would have been not just no, but hell no. And if you date him behind our backs, the world as you know it will come to a sudden screeching halt.
so I should probably come clean here at some point, I dated a 17 year old when I was 23. not quite the same as the op but not to far off.
a couple things, we met taking classes at a community collage over the summer (shes 16 at this point) she was a smart funny cute teen age girl who I had just short of zero interest in. we both became friends with a woman in the class who was older (late 30’s I think) and it was this friendship that got us together. we both went to a birthday party at the womans house and I believe I was playing some music she liked and I told her I would make her a mix tape if she wanted. from that point on she spent a looooooooooooooot of time at my house, we didnt date for close to 6 months but I gotta tell ya, you can only say no for so long. we still didnt end up in bed for almost a year (total) and the whole time I felt the age thing was pretty big but I can still say that its not like I was trying to get in her pants. I was definitely being pursued and after that much time without changing her mind I think its what she wanted. we did end up breaking up that year just after xmas and it was me that did the breaking up (sort of) and it was because in some ways she was not ready for that kind of relationship. we stayed friends for a few years but went our separate ways.
Heck, I think a lot of parents could hope their teens would have as sensible a take on this as your daughter.
Keep up the good work!
If she gives me any lip, I just cold-cock her with the butt-end of the shotgun.
…And now, see, even your own daughter expects shotgons to somehow be involved in this situation 
Skaldy my fiend, this wasn’t a revenge plot, it was a protection racket, see. You need them to be intimidated enough that they tell everyone else, and when the cops come, why, you ask if the boy has any witnesses…most of them will know what happens to people who testify against you.
Well, she SAID she was 17…
