"I'm 90 years old, and I don't believe in ..."

“I’m 90 years old, and I don’t believe in that lung cancer people get now. I think it’s a scam for the big city doctors to make more money! I smoke five packs of filterless Viceroys a day, and used to smoke a carton a day back during the war! The one that we won, damnit! My doctor’s one of the few honest ones, and he says I’m still strong as a bull!”

Lung cancer believes in you.

I think that’s exactly what my uncle said before he got diagnosed with lung cancer. I think he died three months later…

This, unfortunately, isn’t just the attitude of the elderly to things they haven’t personally experienced. Even some younger people don’t believe in things if they don’t have first-hand experience with it. Take atheists, for example…if you can’t prove it, they don’t believe it. And some people have a hard time believing in things that can be proven, if they can’t see it for themselves.

And my 83-year-old mom? She firmly believes that the grocery store rearranges the shelves just to make it harder for the elderly. They put the stuff she needs up on the high sheleves, just to stick it to the old folks. And they raised the prices on luncheons at the senior center just to keep out the less-wealthy elderly.

Elmwood, have you read Bill Bryson’s Thunderbolt Kid memoir? When he was growing up in the '50s he says, EVERYTHING was healthy. Smokes, booze, fatty foods. A lost Eden. :slight_smile:

Well, I’m really, really, really old and…



And I should know!

  • “Jack”

Actually, I’m leaning toward the old woman re the grocery store. As soon as I learn where X is, they move X to another aisle, shelf, section etc. Very aggravating.

I’d say if a guy gets to 93 and is doing well and smoking, let him smoke. I also think that if I’m ever diagnosed with lung cancer, I’ll START smoking. Why the hell not? :wink:

My grandfather:

I’m 85 years old and I don’t need that physical therapy stuff! Sure I had a blood clot in my leg followed by emergency surgery. Sure I can’t get up and down like I used to! Shit, you know how much that’d cost me?

…But you have insurance, and they’ll pay for it…

Oh, insurance sure, that don’t matter no way, they make you pay when you go anyway. And I’d get a bill anyway. Copays are how they getcha!

…Ok, you need help out of that chair, Papaw?..

My grandmother:

Now you be careful sittin’ on those public toilet seats. Someone mighta had [whisper] the AIDS [/whisper] on their butt!

…But, you can only get AIDS from bodily fluids…

Oh, yeah, that’s what they say! Let me tell you something, miss, I’ve been around a long time! Your granny’s no fool.

…But, doctors have done tests with the virus in labs…

Doctors! Lemme tell you something about doctors. They don’t know as much as the let on. I had a rash–it was burning me up alive! I went to this new young doctor and I waited and waited in his waiting room until he finally saw me. Then he gets all snippy at me! He told me–you know what he told me? He told me that rash was body lice I got from one of my grandkids–had brought it home from school! I told him it was not! My grandkids is clean! But I still got the stuff he told me to and washed with it, cleaned my sheets, and that rash didn’t go away. Then I went to my heart doctor and he said it was an allergic reaction to one of my medicines and he gave me some stuff that cleared it right up. I went right back to that little doctor and told him I never HAD no lice, and he said he never told me I did! They think just 'cause I’m old I cain’t pay attention to nothin…

…So if your cardiologist said you could only get AIDS through bodily fluids would you believe him?..

How I wish I was making a word of that up…

Um… emphysema? :eek:

But, OTOH, it sure would work if the only thing a woman feared about sex was the chance of getting pregnant… and then she was! :cool:

  • “Jack”

No, it’s more like: If there isn’t a shred of evidence, I don’t believe it. :dubious:

Well, it is sometimes/often curable, but if that doesn’t matter to you, sure, go right ahead and start smoking too.

My MIL, 87YO, does not believe that smoking during pregnancy is harmful. Why? She smoked through all 11 of her pregnancies (five ended in miscarriage, but that was due to a problem with her Rh factor) and all of her kids were healthy.

I have worked with doctors who took the attitude that “I never try to force anyone over the age of 80 into doing anything, because they’re obviously doing something right if they got to that age.” While certainly quitting smoking is never a BAD idea, if you’ve been smoking 5 packs a day for decades, the odds are that what you do by the time you get to age 90 is not going to make or break you anyway. :slight_smile:

Yeah, that’s why I don’t believe in sex. It’s clearly a vast conspiracy.

I work in a Megahell, and it isn’t designed to Irritate Old People at all. It’s designed to Irritate EVERYONE, including the workers.

**Products you don’t need and not good for you are placed at eye level and end caps. ** Shit that is on sale is usually on an end cap. Sales items that get some kind of glowing yellow or orange sale sign is usually moved to the middle of the row, so as to bring more traffic to that row, thus creating a bigger chance of impulse purchase of other shit.

Good for you stuff is top shelf colon blow kinda goods. (The top row in cereal is always Colon Blow. Middle and bottom are kids crap.) I have yet to figure out the mystery of the bottom shelf and it’s goods purpose. They never seem to change much.

Several of us have decided that to truly make more money the middle shelf in every fookin’ row should be toys, toys, toys, video games and more toys. It would drive parents insane by the time they make it to canned goods.

Really, this rotating stock plan is designed to a) keep the consumer always looking for the product and keep things semi-familiar yet where-the-fuck-did-they-place-X now? So as to cause brand confusion and general dismay during the shopping trip and cause heavy impulse purchasing*. b) they have to keep the wage slaves ( also known as House Elves) as busy as they can with rearranging shelves all the fookin’ time.

  • Remember kiddies, your local MegaHell hates you.

I had a Great Uncle who was diagnosed with lung cancer and was not long for the world. The doctors told him to stop smoking. His wife and family all said he was a bear without his smokes and what would be the point as stopping wasn’t going to cure anything and make him miserable. He was in his mid 80’s ( and never was sick until the Lung Cancer) decided to deny any treatment and smoked to the end.

I have vague memories of him but this final action always struck me as someone with balls.

Anyone else read Karen and With Love From Karen by Marie Killilea, true stories about her family? She had a healthy child, a child who died soon after her birth, a premature child with cerebral palsy, a child who almost died from lung complications after birth, and five miscarriages. Her last pregnancy was at age 43. It was obviously very high risk, and she was referred to an OB specialists for such cases. She was put on complete bed rest, unable to even go to the bathroom.

She mentioned smoking throughout the books. On her first visit to the OB, he gave her a cigarette!

The times they did a-change.

“I’m 90 years old, and I don’t believe that new cars are worth squat! You can’t work on them! Everything under the hood is all squeezed in there, and a friend of a friend said that you have to pull the engine to change the damn 'erl on the new models. The old cars, you could work on them, and they’d survive a crash! Why do you think they didn’t need seatbelts then? By the way, I also don’t believe in seat belts! I hear on the TV that people get into accidents and get trapped in their cars and burn up, because they have their seat belts on.”

I know that later she greatly regretted having mentioned the smoking. I’ll try to find a cite if you want. I’ve read both books several times and you’re right, it’s very pervasive.

I’m 50 years old, and gots no use for all that highfalootin’ economics stuff you read in the history books. America has always been the world’s engine of growth! A ten trillion dollar fiscal deficit and a current account deficit now comin’ close to another trillion dollars a year–pshaw, that don’t make no nevermind. China and all them countries will keep on lendin’ us money to buy their shit, 'cause they have to! It’s always been that way! In fact, they’re gonna thank us, kiss our gorram feet, for the opportunity!

Im on ur lawnz being a kid.