I'm a guy, asking questions about birth control pills and mood/personality changes

In My Humble Opinion
61

By the way, unless you intend to reproduce or have a non-committed relationship, I’d go for the vasectomy.

Here are the reasons.

  1. For a lot of women bearing the emotional labor for birth control for years and years is exhausting. There aren’t a lot of male centric options, but saying “hey, its my turn to bear this responsibility” is incredibly sexy.

  2. Many of the options that they will give you for her will involve hormonal options. Its possible that with trial and error, you’ll find something that doesn’t affect her. But it could take months and months. Each switch of hormonal method is going to require back up birthcontrol. And its possible that she is just emotional sensitive to hormonal methods.

  3. A lot of women who have IUDs love them - but I find anything touching my cervix (which would include the IUD string) to be terribly painful over the long term. Putting it in and taking it out if it doesn’t work is again - a trial and error method that is going to stress your already emotional exhausted wife who has borne this responsibility for a long time. And I’m of the generation where IUDs were causing PID - they’ve gotten better…

  4. Other methods - like diaphragms and condoms, are interruptive and require some amount of planning. You’ll get less nookie if you need to bother with having supplies on hand and then dealing with the method during sexy fun time.

  5. And back to #1. She’s borne this responsibility for a long time - and the emotional labor of it. Going to the store to get pills when the prescription runs out. Taking them every day - don’t forget! Dealing with the side effects of the pills - the good (less acne when you are eighteen) and the bad (emotional craziness when you start getting middle aged, increased headaches, etc). Its your turn now. A vasectomy is quick, and while it isn’t painless, its sitting around with a bag of frozen peas in your lap for a day while you catch up on Netflix. And its permanent - neither of you will have to spend any more time thinking about this issue.

Then your wife can get off all the hormones and see if her emotions stabilize. If they don’t, then she probably needs to see a therapist and get on some mental health meds (I’m not going to try and guess what underlying issue may - or may not - be there). Not having the additional factor of hormonal birth control will allow a doctor to tune her meds better if that is required. Hopefully, no more BC, no more issues, but if there are underlying issues, its best to see them laid as bare as possible.

62

I don’t know why no one has mentioned sterilization surgery for OP’s wife. I know vasectomy is supposed to be simpler or cheaper or something, but when I got angry and depressed on BC pills I had a tubal ligation. My insurance even paid for it after I pointed out that they pay for pregnancy and childbirth and fair is fair. I had it outpatient. I never had a single bad side effect. It was wonderfully freeing for me as I never wanted children. If you and your wife are not planning to have children, OP, then this is definitely a thing to think about.

63

Because there are literally dozens of non-surgical options for this issue, which all can and should be exhausted before considering surgery.

64

I advocate mentioning surgery early in the discussion, to let people know it’s a valid, safe option for those done having children. Tubal ligation/vasectomy are both pretty straightforward, safe, and effective. It should NOT be considered a ‘last resort’.

65

We have no kids. There’s a lot that goes into all of that. It’s certainly not a decision I intent on discussing and getting everyone’s opinions on and it’s a multi-faceted subject with unique facets from our upbringing. Again, we’ll consider all options, though many seem to have their minds made up for us. Again, the point was more to find out if the reaction was normal, and we’ll take it from there and take the suggestions into consideration. Thanks. :slight_smile:

66

I’m not prying on kids, that’s your business. I’m just stating that obviously sterilization methods are not good choices if you intend to pursue that path.

67

Thinking of doctor options, do you have a Planned Parenthood clinic near you? IME they’re better than a lot of other docs about birth control options, assessing side effects, etc.

All my best to you both - I’ve been in a similar place as your wife, and the fact that it feels perfectly normal and rational when you’re there is sometimes the scariest part.