I'm about to come into some big(ish) money, and I can't stop spending it (even though I won't have it for months)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My mother died Monday, and she had long hinted that us four kids are going to get decent inheritances. She was cagey about the details, but I’m guessing, at a minimum, mid-to-high five figures, maybe even as much as $150-200k. It will depend on how much her house sells for, how much she had squirrelled away and didn’t tell us about, etc.

I’ll grant that neither ~65k nor ~200k, nor any amount in between, is life-changing money, and for many Dopers, that’s a few house payments. But for me and Mrs. H, who are solidly Lower Middle Class, this is going to open up quite a few doors. Mainly, we’re going to do some traveling, pay off some bills, etc.

Meanwhile, even though I won’t see a dime for at least a few months, I can’t stop spending it (in my head). I’ve already picked out a used Toyota MR2 Spyder (I’ve always wanted a two-seater convertible), I’m looking at top-tier kitchen equipment, I’m looking at furniture, etc. At this rate, I’ll have allocated every dime before I even cash the check.

Have any Dopers been in a situation where you know you’re about to come into some significant (define “significant” in whatever way works for you) money some time down the road and you can’t stop fantasizing about what you’re going to do with it? Is there a way to keep these thoughts at bay?

Also, Mom had lived a full life, had done everything she wanted to do, had children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, and save for a couple of duds, we all turned out pretty OK. She is not suffering any more, and thank the FSM I didn’t have to watch her wither away in a nursing home for 20 years. And, if I believed in that sort of thing, I would say that she is with her beloved late husband of 35 years now. So please don’t feel bad for me; if anything, I’m relieved. She has completed her journey.

2

The closest thing I have to that was my college graduation. That said, after a huge shock like this, it’s best not to make any big decisions for at least 6 months.

Condolences on the loss of your mother.

3

Write everything down, make plans on paper. Budget!
That amount would have lasted me from birth to now!(65)

4

Assuming my wife outlives her mother, she could potentially inherit six figures. However, neither of us are spenders or shoppers, and we have a pretty modest lifestyle that we live within, and our 401k/retirement/SS is going to be enough to carry us thru to our physical recycling. So in the end, it’ll most likely be our charities will just end up getting some bigger checks

5

In addition to this, prioritize, since you are not sure how much you are going to get. After my dad died, he did leave some money to me and my brother - We had hoped he would die broke, and get to spend and enjoy a bit more. Anyway, at the time I had a pair of early teen children, and just socked away part of the inheritance in 529 college savings accounts - a priority for me was that my kids would be able to go to college if they chose, and emerge debt free (which they eventually did!). The rest of the money I just kept in investments for our own nest egg. We live fairly frugally, and have not dipped into the inheritance save for one time. Knowing it’s there and not spending it is a kind of freedom, too, but I fully agree to putting it to good use paying off debt and rewarding yourself with a few long-desired luxuries. You can’t take it with you, after all! That said, maybe allocate (and prioritize) a percentage for long-term savings would be prudent!

6

Just keep it in your head till you got it in your hand. I’ve come to realize that the longer you think about getting that thing you thought you can’t live without, the less important it seems to become as time passes. To paraphrase Mr. Spock, “Having is not as desirable as Wanting”.

Once you get a wad of cash in your hand, some of that stuff might not seem so important.

On a related note, I’ve got a Fiat Spider I’ll make you a Smokin’ Deal on! :wink:

7

I’m so sorry to hear about your mother!

Sometime between now and the next ten years, my husband and I will most likely inherent a life-changing amount of money. My husband is also a beneficiary on at least two family trusts so occasionally we just get big checks in the mail. What we’ve received already has made a significant difference in our lives, and it’s probably the reason we’ll get to retire.

What we have done since day one, and will continue to do, is plan exactly as if we will never receive another dime. I take nothing for granted until that check is cleared.

Yes, sometimes there is fantasizing. Occasionally I have nice dreams about getting a big check. But I don’t think about it too much. Because it’s not owed to me, I’m not entitled to it, and you never know what’s going to happen.
You just don’t. We plan our future assuming what we have is what we have, and it’s up to us to make it grow.

Also, in my specific case of not being very close to my benefactor, I really don’t want to be in a position of waiting for someone to die. That feels crass to me.

But you know what? You just suffered a loss. If it helps you to fantasize about the good that might come out of it, what’s the harm? It sounds like you’re in a good place with regard to feeling like you got closure and as good of an outcome as can be expected. It’s okay to just enjoy what’s coming. As Gatopescado rightly notes, that fantasizing might be the most enjoyable part.

8

When my father passed a few years ago his IRA was split amongst all the children - I got about 150K. I haven’t touched it, although tax laws will require me to draw it down to zero within 10 years of his death. When I do i’ll likely just put it into an account for my kid, I don’t really need it.

9

Inheriting can be fun.

I found/find my Daddy’s money sticks in my crawl to spend.

I’ve bought a few things and got the kids some stuff. But mostly it’s moldering in my bank in the best acct. I could get. My girls will inherit it.

10

Yes, I knew I would get mid-6 figures in total assets, some liquid some not, when my father died. He spent his last 20 years accumulating assets, possibly because he thought it would keep his two offspring closer (it all went to my sister and me, divided equally). I didn’t want to think about when that would happen, but it was fairly clear in his last couple of years that he was winding down. And fortunately for him he also didn’t linger in a condition that he would have hated.

I never had any idea what I would possibly spend it on, or if I could stand to spend it on anything that wasn’t really a solid value. I ended up spending almost all of the liquid assets on remodeling our house, but I didn’t really start planning that until I had the money. Fortunately, the money was in a trust and I was the trustee, so I didn’t have to wait months to get it. Anyway, it was definitely worth it, the past 15 years or so have been very comfortable here, compared with what it was like before remodeling.

So I wasn’t spending the money in my head in advance, because there was such a short delay between his death and the settlement of the trust.

11

I’m to understand that “Fiat” stands for “Fix it again, Tony.” To paraphrase Jean Shepherd, some men are Baptists, some are Presbyterian, I’m a Toyota Man. Finicky little machines they are, but they will last you a lifetime, lest you bring shame on some guy’s family in Tokyo.

I see some tension coming up between myself and Mrs. Homie, truth be told. She is a prudent sort, and though she’s on board with what I plan to be the biggest withdrawals from the Mom Money fund (viz, Dream Trip to England, pay off our current vehicle), she’s going to want to spend any leftover very prudently - like on new floors & shit. Whereas I’ve got my eye on a Toyota MR2 Spyder. Part of me thinks that it’s my money, not hers, but I don’t see that argument ending well for me.

12

The way we’ve done it is, invest or pay down debt with 90% of whatever amount, (or do whatever’s fiscally responsible in that moment) then spend 10% on whatever the hell we want. But we don’t have any big wants at this point.

The only big thing left that I really, really, want, is a house. I don’t want to live in a depreciating asset anymore. We’re close but not there yet. And we don’t even know what city we need to live in yet for my son to get the right education. But when I do get into a fantasizing state of mind, that’s usually what I’m dreaming about. How nice it would be to have a house without a mortgage payment.

13

I spent 90% on wine, women, and song; and like a fool, I squandered the rest.

14

The house to the East side of mine has had about 20 owners/renters pass through. One guy died there, and his kid gave me the two MR2’s in the yard to dispose of. The were the older ones. One was a Turbo. Cool little cars! They were both “projects”. I kept the seats out of one of them and the fancy little badge on the nose for my collection and got rid of the rest, cheap.

Best Wishes and A Happy New Year!

15

Ya know, Mrs. H and I are beyond blessed to already own our home free and clear, also thanks to inheritence (call it the Lower Middle Class equivalent of generational wealth, I guess), and our only debt is our car, on which owe a few grand and which we’ll pay off the moment the Mom Money hits the bank. Our house could use some fixing up in a few places, yes. But you know what? We have no kids to leave our house to, and we can take neither the house nor the money with us to the next plane of existence. So by golly, why shouldn’t I buy that sports car and that set of Hexclad and the iPhone 17…

16

Yeah, you tend to blow thru money you didnt earn. I got an inheritance from my Dad, not that much, but I knew I would be tempted so first i did the following- Paid off every card, maxed out my retirement contributions, and i went out and bought a practical- a Saturn.

That done, i blew the rest- some $3000, bought some stupid things.

But you know, doing all that first meant I only had so much to blow.

Okay, that isnt so bad, so buy a more practical car. Maybe a Subaru BRX or WRX. Hella fun, but still a Subaru.

17

My mom turns 92 next week, and while she’s overall doing well, she is 92. My brother is her executor so I’m not familiar with her estate, especially since it’ll be divided among 5 offspring, 3 grandkids, possibly 5 great-grands, and potentially her church. But I’ll be surprised if I get less than low 6 figures, assuming her house goes for what her area commands. And I have several things in mind, but I won’t get too attached to any plans till I know how much there will be. At a minimum, there will be a high-end cruise, I think.

18

This has been our approach. This year, invested, started a trust for our son and paid off my student loans. Then we played. The biggest ticket item was a new television set, and we want to plan a 20th anniversary trip to Chicago (which we can drive to in six hours - not a big vacation. Just special to us.) Mostly what I’ve been doing in terms of buying “stuff” is trying to get our house more organized. I got craft bins and drawer dividers and a mail sorter with 12 slots. I guess my middle class lifestyle is stifling my imagination.

My husband and I are lucky we’re on the same page about how to spend, save, and invest. The only point of contention we’ve ever had is whether to invest or pay down student loans, and we usually split it more or less down the middle, but now that the loans are gone (happy dance) the answer is probably always going to be investment, until my husband’s 19 year old Honda Civic dies. But we’ve already saved up a good chunk of change on our own to buy his next car in cash.

I don’t think we’re overly frugal (I’m not, anyway. I like buying stuff.) But we try to get the big things right. We’re not wealthy, but we’re building wealth most of the time we get that opportunity. It kind of sucks to know you didn’t earn everything you have, but it feels better when you know that you used it wisely.

19

I understand the temptation - if you’ve lived a careful life financially, a sudden windfall stirs strong emotions!

I’ve had two such occasions - I dealt with both by investing some and spending the rest :sunglasses: :

When I retired, I got a large lump sum as part of my pension. I invested most of it in an ISA account ([Individual savings account - Wikipedia])(Individual savings account - Wikipedia) , which continues to pay me a pleasant tax-free income.
I then bought a model railway for my spare bedroom. :heart_eyes:
The GDLNER railway with dcc sound

When my beloved parents passed, they left their house to my sister and me.
We both paid off debt and did some investing.
Then we went to Las Vegas (6,000 mile trip!) and stayed for a month in a hotel on the Strip. :grinning:

20

You can imagine spending a lot more money than you can actually spend. I don’t think you should be trying to keep these thoughts at bay, i think you should be enjoying them. Just don’t get too attached to any of the imaginary purchases.

Maybe find out what she most wants to do with the money? I think you should allocate some fraction of it for frivolous purchases, that can be whatever you want, but should agree up front with Mrs. Homie what that fraction is. Creating martial stress is a bad outcome, though.