I cut the crap out of my finger with a cuisenart hand blender, so I can’t type. See you in a couple weeks.
Did you go to the ER? Is it okay? Can’t you use some kind of voice-recognition thing? I mean, not posting to the Dope just seems so drastic!
I think there’s a paradox here, but I can’t put my finger on it.
A most cutting remark.
Type with your other hand, young grasshopper.
And, for the record, we are all idiots here. Don’t take it personally.
On the plus side, you weren’t using the Cuisinart penis blender.
Tape it up man, Hunt and Peck.
Ah, the “tape it and walk it” defense. I miss 1971!
Yeah, ER and stiches, most comonly used phrase in an ER: “I thought it was unplugged.” I can obviously type, but its a pain.
Hey! I resent that…oh. Nevermind.
Wow, that was almost 8 years ago. Can’t nobody here say I didn’t warn y’all!
Aw madmonky, do not fret. I once had my fingertip chewed off by a rabbit. I was 6 at the time. Even then I felt stupid about it.
One finger and a nose to hit the space bar is all you need.
How odd: I did the exact same thing on Monday (though less severely, by the sound of it).
“That’ll be why they call them hand blenders,” I thought, as I tried to keep the blood out of the mixing bowl.
There are some lessons that you’d think you could avoid learning the hard way, aren’t there? 
Oh Jeez. And I just bought the “Ninja” version - it has three blades! I’m a goner. . .
I cut my finger to the bone and spent a big chunk of the evening in a DC ER, not exactly that sympathetic to my injury compared to what comes in most nights.
A dull pencil in the mouth works better. Don’t use your nose. You get too many boogers on the keys.
And, of course, there’s always the risk of slipping, and driving the pencil through the base of your skull and into your brain.
An improbable mischance, to be sure, but these silly little accidents do sometimes happen…
I’m an idiot too…
Feel better!
This OP reminds me of the “Keyboard not found. Press F1 to continue” error message, but in kind of the opposite way.
Have you tried duct tape?