At least according to my “papers.” Peta Tzunami and I went and got our official VA drivers licenses this past weekend.
Needless to say, the DMV here is quite a different experience from the ones in Cleveland (which isn’t a small city, with 1.6 million people in the metro area). At the Cleveland DMV, you can usually just wait in a line. In VA, you take a number, sit down, and wait for a flashing red sign to call your number and tell you which of a dozen or so windows to go to.
My photo, of course, makes me look like a petty thug. Yeesh. It was kind of weird to see my Ohio license, which I’ve had for 14 years now, disappear. But gone it is.
Thats a pretty bold title for a thread.
I have never heard of someone from Alabama to declare themself an “official southerner”.
I’ll put it like this . . . enjoy grits with butter, know to “air the car out” before getting into it is a priority, respect the true peace of fishing, know about the history of the Civil War, love a sport . . . and yell at the TV when said sport is on, desire southern women (oh my), find NASCAR vaguely interesting, and be respectful of others - honor is valued in the right circles.
If you do these things then you might have a chance of being an “official southerner”.
LOL! NoVa isn’t exactly a haven for BBQ, grits, and NASCAR. NoVa is about as ‘southern’ as Florida. But you’re getting closer. Now, if you had made it to Richmond (my hometown), you’d be doin’ all right. Being that you’re from Cleveland, if you make it down to NC, don’t stay, and if you would, take some misplaced yankees back with you. You can leave Satan and Drain, though. They are being assimilated. And while you’re up there, you can turn the light on and leave the door unlocked for Falco
Gimme a break…that ain’t the South. Hell, I’m in Knoxville, TN…and that barely qualifies me for the esteemed title of “Southerner.”
Okay, so you’re in a border state…like Kentucky. This might work:
1.Ya gotta love pork barbecue, bourbon, and football.
2.Guys hold doors open for gals.
3.If asked “Where y’all from?” say “We wasn’t born in the South, but got here quick as we could.”
Ain’t none of you understand what a real southerner is all about.
I’m about 30 miles from the Alabama, Georgia, Florida intersection. The only way to get more southern would be to actually live in Enterprise, Alabama.
With regards to the previously spoken advice, consider this addendum:
The only thing you need to know about the Civil War is that the South was robbed.
The sports that you love should be hunting, NASCAR, fishing, and football. You can love other sports, but these four come first.
The south works on the honor system. If your word’s no good you’re not a southerner, nor are you welcome in the south.
Women rule the south. Oh, sure, us men-folk like to think that we do, but other than going hunting on Saturday mornings, we have to have our wive’s permission to do anything. Attempts to modify this rule by not obtaining permission (at least implied) quickly escalate into tantrums and are often followed by blue flashing lights.
Dogs. Pets are optional but highly recommended. If you want a pet you must have a dog. Then you can acquire another pet if you so choose. You must have at least as many dogs as all other pets combined.
I speak these things from experience. Not because I’m a southerner, but because my wife is. I only live here. Even though I was raised in the south I’m considered an outsider. Probably because I can spell.
Wait, WHERE is y’all leaving a light on for li’l ol’ me? I went to college in the South, and my parents now live in Memphis…I figure I’m close enough to being Southern. Besides, I love grits, pork barbeque (Corky’s in Memphis ROCKS. Best ribs I’ve ever had in my life.), Jack Daniels, football, and SWOON over a southern accent.
When I first read the title I was all ready to say the same thing, but after reading the threads I realized that living in Florida now makes me no more southern than living in Cleveland. What a shame, I was really starting to like grits too.
When I first read the title I was all ready to say the same thing, but after reading the threads I realized that living in Florida now makes me no more southern than living in Cleveland. What a shame, I was really starting to like grits too.
other points of interest:
Women are worshipped, but dogs are a close second.
Women fish, too.
Marijuana is “weed” or “reefer.”
Iced tea is sweet unless otherwise indicated.
All soft drinks are called “coke.”
Don’t ever disparage anyone’s mother. The resulting murder charge will be dismissed.
Yes, black folks and white folks get along just fine…especially if they are fishing or eating BBQ together.
Congratulations, you are at least in the right area.
However… You’re not even close. I was born, and still live in Mississippi. More Southern you do not get.
Other points to note (some repeats)
there was no “Civil War”… It’s the war of Northern Agression.
NASCAR and hunting are another two major religions you need to know.
SEC football is a heck of a lot more interesting than everyone elses. (ACC? Ick. Wusses.) Case in point: Notre Dame vs. Tennessee, Like, mid 80’s I think. ND was#1 before the game. Tenn kicked them all over the field.
Trucks. The south has more trucks than anyone else.
Women. You had better be polite down here, some women won’t hesitate to enlighten you if you do wrong.
Cooking. DO NOT make corn bread with molasses. Thats a yankee thing.
Finally, Damnyankee is one word.
Otherwise, people may make fun of the fact you come from up north, just tell them you got here as quick as you could.
Never eat scrapple, I saw that crap when I was up there (In Virginia) visiting my sister. Eewwwww.
Eat your grits with butter and salt and pepper, only heathens and yankees eat them with sugar. Well some children do too, but that is forgiven. Oatmeal is ok, but only with sugar butter and milk, maybe some raisins and apples and nuts added.
I hope to be an official resident of the left coast sometime in the next few weeks, I’ve yet to get my CA driver’s license. I will not, however some people might insist, alter my vocabulary in any way so as to include the words killer, stoked, totally, or rad.
Southern Born and bred…The heart of the south…The great state of North Carolina.
Am I the only person here that puts sugar on his grits??
Got a dog…ain’t got no truck…nor any grammatical skills apparently…
Love Nascar…football…The SEC is not the college division of the south…The ACC is! Tobacco Road rules!
Actually I think southern is more an attitude than a birthright. I know many people of the northern persuasion that make better southerners than those born in the south.
Northern Virgina?
Gentlemen, Robert E. Lee was from Virginia. The only state more Southern than Virginia might be South Carolina, the first to go.
Strangely, I am rather proud that Arkansas, my own fine state, didn’t go until the Feds asked for a draft of 500 men to go and kill their neighbors in Virginia and South Carolina.
But you’re getting closer. Now, if you had made it to Richmond (my hometown), you’d be doin’ all right. Being that you’re from Cleveland, if you make it down to NC, don’t stay, and if you would, take some misplaced yankees back with you.