In regards to Sam, I am one of those working classes that doesn’t mind being working class.
Ok, I WAS working class. Now I am going to school and I make less than 15k a year, so technically I am piss poor. I will work in the sciences (biochem/pharmacology) if I don’t major screw things up and will not likely ever make more than 100k a year. I don’t have any desire to make more than that though (unless it is me and the wifes income together), and I certainly have no desire to drive Rolls Royces, have a Yatch, 15 million dollar house, or any of the other things associated with being rich.
Enough money to be comfortable, a nice house (no more than 150k, depending on area of course), a good car (no more than 20k), and enough money to travel overseas at least once a year.
Some of us don’t really care to have it all.
I don’t care if people want it all though, and definately don’t judge those that want to make loads of money. Too much stress for me, thats all. I can’t imagine worrying all the time about people breaking in my mansion, stealing my car or yatch, or robbing me, kidnapping my children for money, etc.
I would have loved to have been working class when I was a kid, when my dad couldn’t be bothered to work a steady job to support his wife and five kids. And our situation was pretty damned good, compared to a lot of people’s. I didn’t and I don’t want to be rich, comfortable, and elegant. All I’ve ever wanted is financial security.
If you really can’t change schools it would probably help your perspective on things to get some friends from outside of school. A one day a week fun class at a community college or YMCA will keep you in touch with a wider variety of people and can be a great starting point for friendship. One of my best friends I met at a furniture upholstery class. Maybe there’s someone you already know at school who seems to be in your same position and you could make the first move to meet them.
I know from experience that being comstantly around people who always talk about money and possesions really does start to influence how you think even if you don’t agree with how they are. Just one friend with more of your same family values should help keep you feeling OK about yourself and your family.
If you feel like other students are looking down on you for financial reasons try not to pay any attention because you know what things in life are important and they don’t. They’re the disadvantaged ones.
That’s funny, my college-educated husband has chosen to eschew an office job for working with his hands. And I’ve a friend whose parents gave up a completely different lifestyle to have their own farm. Plenty of people have “risen above” the working class only to find their work empty and meaningless. Granted, you won’t find me glorifying factory work, but there’s a certain value to creating a physical product with your own two hands rather than just shuffling around bits of paper or managing a bunch of paper pushers!
But if your friends at school value a rich, comfortable, elegant lifestyle, don’t assume that’s what the rest of the world wants. There are plenty of us toiling away and satisfied with merely having a cushion (or, like your parents, being able to provide for their kids!). There are plenty of us interested in making meaning out of our lives rather than just being consumers.
I grew up upper-middle class but my parents still carry around the burdens of their extremely impoverished childhood. Historically they haven’t been people to spend (they finally started) money on things like presents, nice clothes, shoes, vacations, etc… My sister and I grew up in a snooty community wearing non-designer duds. My parents tried to teach us about money, saving, investing…the only expenditures that were justified were those related to education. My mom doesn’t read much, either…her parents never encouraged her. My father is brilliant-has countless patents to his name but watches shit TV and reads pulp novels these days (although he read almost every single classic I know from Goethe to Melville during his college days). They buy generic. My mom works at a bank in sales.
My extended family? Not too well-off either. They are solidly middle-class. My parents are a million times more educated than my grand-parents-my grand-mothers can’t even read-and yet they respect them.
You know what? I could care fucking less and I have never, ever cared. My parents sacrificed everything to move here and give us a nice life and opportunities that wouldn’t have been available in India. They gave up their big-name jobs to start over here. My mom slaves away 40 hours a week to sell to people who are rude to her so that my parents can put me through lawschool and my sister through medical school (both private tuitions) at the same time.
I cannot EVER imagine looking down on my family or not respecting my parents. That has to be the most ungrateful thing I have ever heard of in my life. Who’s putting you through that small, elitist college? No matter how high I climb in life-I’m going to remember the things my parents did to help me get there. Seriously, snap out of this quickly.
If both of your parents attended college, I’m having a hard time imagining that they are truly “working class”. When I think working class, I think janitors, bus drivers, mechanics, cafeteria ladies, and maids. Both of my parents came from working class backgrounds (paternal grandparents worked at a dry cleaners and a day care center; maternal grandparents lived on a deliveryman’s salary and later a SS pension), but I did not grow up in a working class household, although there were rough patches when both of my parents, at different times, had to don fast-food uniforms. I grew up in a middle-class background, with all the luxuries of middle classdom. To claim my parent’s upbringing as my own would be wrong.
I would argue that many people have families like yours, so there’s no need to be especially ashamed or proud.
Do not carry around your grandparents’ humble condition like it’s your burden. Instead, cherish the priviledged life you’ve had so far. Compared to most of your classmates, you probably are “working class”. But compared to everyone else, you probably aren’t.
Are there kids at your school who are on financial aid like yourself? Who maybe don’t have cars or extravagant possessions? Maybe you need to seek out more of these folks. Find the kids wearing the thrift store stuff. They’re probably feeling just like you.
NinjaChick, what are you majoring in? 'Cause they’re are plenty of very well-educated people who are not correspondingly well-off. You need to figure out if a lack of nice possessions is going to be a lifelong concern for you and, if it is, then study something that will allow you to purchase nice things. That’s a perfectly acceptable choice to make. But don’t expect that merely studying at an elite college will lead to an elite lifestyle once you’re out of school. If you major in, say, medieval literature, get used to the idea of genteel poverty.
I have an M.A. in history and now work in higher ed administration. My husband has a B.A. and works for a non-profit. We’re better-read and more intellectually-inclined than many people who are way better off than us financially. We don’t buy new furniture; our house isn’t going to win any design awards; we can’t vacation in exotic places. And, to be truly honest, occasionally that bothers me. But I also have to acknowledge that it’s a result of my own choices.
That’s more than I paid in four years of university. (For tuition, anyway.)
I’ve worked with both ordinary schmoes and the jet set, and in my experience, the ordinary schmoes are just as happy. I know it’s hard to believe when you’re 19 years old and ignorant. I didn’t believe it, either. But it’s true. When it comes right down to it it doesn’t mean jack if you have lots of money if you have a shitty marriage and a shitty relationship with your kids; and if you have a great marriage and a great relationship with your kids, financial woes won’t get you so down.
Nope. Sorry, kiddo, but it’s kinda like baking a cake. You do have to turn the heat up and you do have to leave yourself in the oven for the necessary amount of time.
However, rest assured that if you do, you’ll turn out well and you’ll get to choose your own frosting. Growing up isn’t fun while you’re doing it (well, sometimes it is), but it’s worth it. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.
Take heart from the fact that you are recognizing that you are going through the process. That, in and of itself, is a good sign. You’ll be okay.
Alas, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but it’s a lifelong process. You never actually reach “mature”. There’s always work to be done on yourself.
The upside is that you are self-aware. You see things about yourself, and you are willing to admit when you see things you don’t like. That’s step one to changing something you don’t like. The one of my friends I admire the most is the one who said “I don’t like x, y, and z things that I do” – and set out quite successfully to change what she didn’t like about herself.
Several other folks here are right, though. You’ll be amazed at how much wiser your folks seem in a short handful of years. Sure, your dad will still tell sophomoric jokes. And it will be no big thing.
Sounds like you’ve got a pretty wonderful family there, and that you know it too. I predict you’re going to turn out just fine.
