I'm confused how id theft can cause one to work in a pirate themed restaurant

There is a commercial for some credit report company in which the character, who is wearing a pirate costume, is singing how he would not be working at the awful touristy restaurant serving ice tea if he only had a company to warn him that his identity was being stolen.

I am confused. How did the ID theft cause him to be underemployed? Did he lose his real job because of ID theft? Is this a second job that he needs because he can’t use his credit cards anymore while his claim is being investigated? I do like the song.

Link to the commercial (I think).

I agree with your confusion – doesn’t make sense to me, either.

It’s one of the mysteries of life. I know at least 6 people who have had their identity stolen and 5 of them are now working in pirate themed occupations.


…And the sixth became a ninja, I presume?


If it would allow me to play guitar and carry a tune as well as that guy, I might consider the hassle of ID theft worth it. (not saying he’s all that good, but there is good reason few people have ever heard me sing)

Just a WAG, but many potential employers now check your credit history before offering you a job. Maybe the waitron/pirate job was all he could get with his wrecked credit?

I always assumed it was night/weekend job to make up his lost funds.

That was my assumption as well.

OK, that one makes sense, but the one that DOESN’T make sense is the other one with the same guy.


Huh? So…by signing up for this service, they would somehow check your girlfriend’s credit history too, BEFORE you married her? :dubious: :confused:

Obviously the identity pirates captured him and are forcing him to work in their restaurant, memorizing customers’ credit card numbers with the help of catchy guitar jingles.

Edited to add: " . . . nine two two five, three five eight three, a pirate’s life for me . . ."

No, you both sign up for the service and, when you discover that the woman you love and want to spend the rest of your life with has shitty credit, you dump her broke ass.

Yeah, the explanation of that one is that if he’d checked his girlfriend’s credit history and found out about those defaulted credit cards, he never would have married that no-credit skank. And would be a happy bachelor with a house instead of living with said no-creadit skank in his parent’s basement.

A good credit rating is always the first thing to look for in a potential mate. Otherwise he/she had better look good in pirate gear.

Best of all would be marrying a pirate with an excellent credit rating!

He got shanghaied.

This is what I thought too. I’m surprised other Dopers don’t know this.

No. Not a ninja. It’s more a sort of idealized version of the complete Renaissance Man.
(Let’s see who gets that reference.)

“They say a man should always dress for the job he wants…”

What, he doesn’t want to be a pirate?? He would not fit in around here.

My first thought was that if he had known her credit rating, they could have avoided putting her name on the mortgage application, but there wouldn’t be anything stopping him from filling out another one in his name only.

Also, on second listen, the last line is “I’d be a happy bachelor with a dog and a yard”, so, yeah…it’s saying you shouldn’t marry people with bad credit, and also implying that you can run credit checks on potential fiancees just for shits and giggles. Brilliant all around, really.

This is the Dope, so probably the majority of the membership.