This is sort of a very short open letter to the SDMB.
I’ve been a member since the AOL days. Back then I was a brand new mom going through postpartum depression, and at the very beginning of an odyssey of psychiatric medication treatments, some of which were disastrous.
I have had some spectacular meltdown moments on this board, the majority of which were triggered by missing my medication (SSRI antidepressants at the time). I am deeply embarrassed by these events, but there is nothing I can do about them.
I am severely bipolar (bipolar II). I was a cutter back in the day. I’ve been hospitalized for suicide attempts. That’s my background.
I still have my issues (yes, I’m still grossed out by the term ‘buckeyes’ to refer to peanut butter balls–I can’t help it! It makes me think of disembodied eyeballs! If I could think of something else I would!) but overall I am a vastly different person than I was back in the day.
I know there are people here who really, really dislike me because of things that have happened in the past, and for the most part I just ignore those people because I know who I am in my own heart. But I wanted to say, in public, just once… if you formed an opinion of me years ago, and it was a bad one… give me another chance. I’ve been on much better medication in recent years and I’ve matured as well. I was in my early-mid-twenties when I joined this board–I’m almost 40 now. I know some people see things I say through a certain pre-conceived view of what I’m like, but I’m asking you to give me another chance. Try to view what I say in the way I mean it, and not through some from-the-past glasses.
For most of you this will make no sense, because you haven’t been around long enough to know what I’m talking about. But for those of you who do know. Please give me the benefit of the doubt. I’m a different person now.
I’m sorry for the drama that I’ve caused in the past.
NOTE: this is not a thread for posting all kinds of links to “prove” that I’m some kind of despicable person. In fact, if this thread got no responses at all and just got read by the people who I intended it for, that would be fine.
So, does this mean you have given up your plans for World Domination?
I’m glad things are better for you. I think of you and your family (including the furry ones) often, as well as the gang at your place around the corner.
I remember those times, and have never cast judgement upon you for them, I’m happy and proud to say. And I’ve also noticed how you’ve progressed over the years.
But I hope you’re still juggling, and are still the same person who built virtual bubblewrap.
Good post. We’re about the same age, and I know I’ve grown and changed a lot in the years I’ve been posting here. I haven’t specifically noticed your posts lately, but maybe that proves your point. Cheers.
I think I joined shortly after some of the bad times, so I have always been vaguely aware of some of the negative opinions, but I don’t recall having witnessing anything myself. Based on my personal interactions with you, I’ve always liked you. I’m really pleased to hear that your life has improved from when things weren’t going well. My continued best wishes to you.
You say you’ve changed, by doing the same kind of thing that you have a reputation for doing (that is, fishing for attention)? I’m not sure why this couldn’t have been accomplished by just *being *changed, rather than telling us how you’ve changed.
That said, I’m glad your life is going better now.
I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Thankfully there aren’t embarrassing youtube videos of you around, at least… unlike a lot of unfortunate kids/young adults today. Nobody is the same person they were 12 years ago. I’m not a long-timer here, so maybe my opinion doesn’t matter much, but you seem like a nice person to me.
I’m really lucky, and glad, that the stupid shit I said on message boards 12 (or even 2) years ago isn’t still around or remembered by anybody. And if it makes you feel better, there are plenty of people here who think I’m a complete twat because I’ve said and done things that a complete twat would say and do. But I’m putting a concerted effort into growing up, as you have, and it definitely shows! (whether it’s acknowledged is another thing entirely)
It’d be nice to have started out here as cool, hip, edgy, funny, and resembling a thoroughly well-adjusted adult–instead of a hot fuckin’ mess. But I am a hot fuckin’ mess. It sounds like you used to be one, too. Most people with life experience have been there at least once, though, and only a serious grudge-holder would still be pissy about stupid shit that happened in prehistoric (:p) times.
Anybody who holds shit against you from *that long ago *is a jerk, and probably an unfeeling android anyway. Fuck 'em.
How wonderful it is to be alive and to change. We do, and so do all around us–though we often miss seeing other’s changes because our expectations color what we see or we are too busy to look. What a great joy that you have held on to the essential essence of “Opal” while letting go of baggage. You were a blessing in “the old days.” You are a blessing now. Thank you for the reminder to to look with “new eyes” and rejoice in the diversity and dynamic-ness of being human and alive.
I’ve never had a particularly negative opinion of you, personally, but I’m glad things are going well.
I can relate to being young and psychologically disturbed. When I think back on how out of control my life felt in my early twenties, I’m amazed that I am as stable as I am now. That level of illness is not the sort of thing people usually come back from. So I consider us lucky kindred spirits in that regard.
I’ve been here long enough to remember all that stuff and, even without your post, I’ve noticed how much you’ve changed and grown. I’m happy for you and glad that you’re still here at the SDMB!
