So she enjoys posting on a message board, what’s with all the high horse in this thread? “Well good thing you’ve changed because you sure had issues! cite” and “we don’t think you’ve changed because you post too much” and my personal petty favorite “we just don’t like you OpalCat! Why? Because you like attention!!”
Well, when you post a thread about how you are, aren’t you automatically inviting comments, concerns, and criticisms about how you are?
There have been a lot of valid comments in this thread, but you have to back up a minute and look at this one.
The overwhelming majority of our active members never start a thread. They post in other people’s threads if they post at all. If you looked back through our history, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a month or two where I was responsible for 1/50 of all the new threads. For that matter, with 10,000+ posts under your belt, it wouldn’t surprise me if you’ve done it yourself.
[quote=“Gary “Wombat” Robson, post:183, topic:602108”]
There have been a lot of valid comments in this thread, but you have to back up a minute and look at this one.
The overwhelming majority of our active members never start a thread. They post in other people’s threads if they post at all. If you looked back through our history, I wouldn’t be surprised if there was a month or two where I was responsible for 1/50 of all the new threads. For that matter, with 10,000+ posts under your belt, it wouldn’t surprise me if you’ve done it yourself.
[/QUOTE]
I have started 98 threads total in almost 11 years so I doubt it. You have started a total of 192 threads in almost 8 years which is a lot more than I but still not even close to enough to have accomplished such a feat. Since I made that post Opal has started a couple more threads. I think that you’d be hard pressed to find too many examples of someone starting that many OPs in such a short amount of time. We are talking well over 60 OPs in four weeks.
It’s been NaNoWriMo. You could have been working on your vampire novel.
Not any one particular post, but I’ve replied to several of yours, and the replies have just been “wooden”, for want of a better term.
There’s just nothing in your words which indicates any “warmth” might be in the real life Opal.
Okay, I do understand that certain people have certain “online personalities”, and that’s fine. But those people maintain those personalities pretty much right down the line, IMO.
You, however, don’t do that (again IMO). You write a thread which invites familiarity and empathy, and you come back with answers indicating anything other than what I would like to think you’d prefer to read.
Admittedly, I only know you through the “Hi Opal!” responses I have seen here, so maybe I have missed many things, but again, I don’t get any “warmth” from you.
I really hope that you and others will set me straight.
Thanks
Q
Straighten up, Quasi!!
Just for another point of comparison, I’ve started 1,085 threads in almost exactly 10 years as a member. But an embarrassingly large number got no responses, so it’s pretty much like they never existed.
[quote=“Boyo_Jim, post:187, topic:602108”]
Straighten up, Quasi!
SIR! YES, SIR!
Q
I have a tendency to make short and to the point posts, it’s true, though sometimes like now it is because I am on my phone. I am sorry if that had made me seem unfriendly. I don’t think I am unfriendly in real life.
I have a job. Recently I have had a lot of free time at work, which is why I end up posting a lot. I actually have been holding back…there are lots of posts I think of but don’t make.
Another interesting statistic is that you have almost 4000 more posts (~20%) over a significantly shorter time period. What does it mean?
I think it means no more than that you are more prone to the funny quip in response to someone, and OpalCat is more prone to initiating conversations. You need both types at a party, certainly neither need be driven by attention whoring or manic behavior. Boredom adequately explains both.
I, in roughly the same time frame as Jim, have started 1% as many threads and posted 10% as much. Could mean that I’m attention frigid (what is the opposite of a whore?) or easily amused. I’d like to think it is because I have so many real life friends, but it probably just means that I have a more interesting or demanding job.
Valid point. There isn’t really a correlation between posts made and threads started.
Some of us start conversations. Some of us participate in conversations other people start. As SlowMindThinking said, it takes both types.
It’s clear exactly what you’re trying to say here, Quasi; I honestly have no dog in this fight, but I find this comment to be very accurate from what I’ve observed of Opal’s post patterns. I think this is the crux of where a lot of the negative opinions come from.
Yes, this is exactly what I’ve been thinking, too. Perhaps instead of giving a brutally honest opinion about everything that everyone says you could say something like ‘yes, thanks for the suggestions, I’d love to have a few more.’ That way you’re acknowledging their idea without ‘putting it down’ so to speak.
It might not be abusive, but it’s not exactly a sign of good parenting to not speak or respond to your child at all just because you’re watching a sport. There are always downtimes and you could at least say something while still mostly watching the game.
People watching sports at bars and the like don’t sit there with rigid attention ignoring everyone around them for the entire game, so why should they get more of a get-out when their kid’s there?
That is a hell of a lot of threads to start though, Opal. I know, boredom - but could some of those threads maybe have been part of a thread that’s already ongoing? I do actually appreciate the people on here that start a lot of threads, because I don’t start that many myself - partly because there’s always an onus on you to come back and respond to it (and to a LOT of it) even if you end up being busier than expected. You’re pretty good at that.
For shopping suggestions, for example, I’ve found it’s better to post in a relevant thread rather than start my own. If you start your own thread, people do sometimes seem a bit annoyed that you didn’t go with their brilliant suggestion, but not so much in general threads.
It would also show to people that you are actually reading their threads too - I’m sure you are, but sometimes it’s good to make it obvious, because people aren’t mind-readers.
However, I just actually went and checked the threads you started this month and the GQ threads at least were well worth their own threads.
The shopping ones could have been put in other threads. I’m not sure which threads, because I haven’t searched for your thread topics, but if there isn’t a general thread about, say, buying jewellery for other people, then it’d be easy to rephrase your post so that it becomes one. Your thread about your son’s necklace could then have gone in there too.
There are a few other threads started there by you that could have easily fit in a thread already posted. Like, say, “dogs named Bella.” There are always tons of posts about dogs, and I doubt you’d have to search back to zombieland to find one about dog names - better to post in there. Or start one about general dog names.
That thread seemed to me more like a Facebook update than a thread topic.
A lot of the threads you start are the kind that invite other people to share their personal stories, but it might help if more of them were, at least in the way you phrase it in the thread title as well as the OP.
Of course, some people will still get annoyed at someone starting so many threads; I don’t think you dominate any one forum - it’s never like, say, IMHO is The Opal Page - but there are some sourpusses around.
I hope you’ll take this in the spirit that it’s intended, and I think you will, because I think you’re actually pretty damn good at taking advice, especially considering the way some people on here phrase that advice.
That opens you up to more suggestions which don’t quite fit, though, and wastes their time too. Brutally honest is good, I reckon - polite and all that, and thanking them for reading your post and looking for options, but being very clear that this is not what you were looking for is the only way to not get yet more unsuitable suggestions that you then have to politely reply to again.
TBH, on most shopping threads I’ve seen, the reason people start them is because they’re looking for something very specific and haven’t been able to find it.
There’s nothing at all wrong with suggesting something that doesn’t fit the criteria, but don’t feel offended if your suggestion doesn’t work, and sometimes people do sound offended or at least disappointed that you didn’t immediately run out and buy what they found with two minutes’ irrelevant googling.
“Not quite what I’m looking for, but thanks for the suggestion”.
Basically, any response from her in that thread would have been improved by just saying thanks.
Thank you for all of that. Sorry it took me a while to respond–for some reason this thread was just missing the list of “subscribed threads” in UserCP and then once it didn’t get replies for a couple of days it stopped showing up and I didn’t think about it. I just found it again doing the “show all subscribed threads” link.
You make valid points. I’ve actually been trying more recently to find related topics to post to rather than starting new topics.
And to reply to comments made by others: I realized a while ago that I hadn’t been thanking people enough in threads where I asked for advice/links/etc. and have been paying much more attention recently and making sure I take the time to thank people. Ironically, in the past I often thought that just making a post to thank someone without adding any new points of discussion was not a “valid” enough post and sometimes didn’t make such posts just because I was trying not to be “spammy.” I think you’ll notice if you pay attention that I’ve gotten better about this particular thing in more recent times, on average (not saying I’m perfect). I admit it was something I used to be much worse about. I got called out on it a while back and it made me rethink things and I have made an effort to change that.
Same here.
I’ve been around from the beginning on AOL, I think I found the SDMB in 1995 or thereabouts. And I’m totally aware of your issues ( and LOTS of other things about you, you are very open on-line) but that’s never stopped me from basically finding you a likeable lady.