Well, if the other person and the destination are all nearby, there’s no problem, since you said you’re willing to drive side streets in your own 'burb. However, in the early stages of meeting IRL people with whom you’ve only connected online previously, the cardinal rule is:
*** Separate transportation, and meet in a public space. ***
Seriously. Until you know they aren’t a crazy psycho stalker, you don’t want them to know where you live and - if they have two brain cells to rub together - they shouldn’t want a stranger knowing where they live, too. This is regardless of gender or orientation, by the way. Dudes really should be as aware of this issue as women.
So the no-driving-on-highways thing is really a non-issue for now, for that reason alone.
Otherwise, simply say, “I’m sorry, I don’t have {access to} a car right now.”
By the way, on behalf of, well, every other driver, I’d like to thank you for being honest about your own limitations.
ETA: I almost forgot – good luck with the job search!
If you are looking to build your social circle, and hey maybe even meet a nice woman, check into the meetup groups in your area. There are all kinds of groups available: gaming, movie groups, you can even start your own.
When people first meet, sometimes they hit it off and it’s wonderful. The conversation, the humor, what have you, seems to click. At that point, neither party knows much about the other. As time goes on, more things fall into place, and the relationship gets better. Still, there is much to know, but the relationship is going so well, it’s so full of promise, they just sort of assume the things they have yet to discover are going to be wonderful as well. As you found out, sometimes they aren’t.
As Rachellelogram said so well above, “Would you want to be friends with a random person on the street who was openly hyperreligious and homophobic? If not, cut your losses.”
It was a relationship that started out with promise, but though you hoped it would continue to grow and improve, it didn’t. In the future, try to get the big-issue subjects covered fairly early, so you don’t waste each other’s time. I realize you put pertinent info in your profile, but people are morons. Sometimes even reasonably intelligent people are morons. You can’t trust them to read every detail, or to understand it.
Thank you! You know, it may take some time to find a job that’s significantly less stressful than my last gig, at a place that I’m able to get to. Perhaps I will come here for advice during the prossess.
FTR, I know “the cardinal rule” I learned that the hard way… I don’t want to talk about it! :smack:
I would feel bad lying about not having a car or access to one. I mean, I know that’s just an example of a lie I could tell to get out of driving a few times.
I mean, I guess it’s more of a “fib” than a “lie”.
Serious questions if I were to take that road;
How long am I going to be telling this woman “fibs” until they ask me why I never drive? Or how many date do I go on before reveal I the truth? How do I go about admitting that I can’t drive to certain places when it finally comes up?
Depends. You OK with a racist? A Holocaust denier? A person who hates kittens?
I’m not saying open up with, “How about that Hitler, huh?”, but maybe before you go to bed with them it might be nice to know their positions on your dealbreakers, and vice-versa.
“**purplehorseshoe **seems to disagree, and is giving me advice to avoid big-issue subjects right away.”
What I meant to say was… are MY issues “big-issue subjects” and something a woman may consider to be “deal breakers”? No one here thinks I should casually mention it early on, perhaps the on the first date?
I’ve never tried to contact someone who was less than a 70%ish match. People below that threshold don’t have enough in common with me (politically, religiously, sexually, relationshiply–all the big dimensions) that it would even be worth a single date.
I know they’re just a stranger, but if it sounded sincere, I would take this feedback to heart. Maybe you have a self-deprecating way of talking about yourself that isn’t so much flattering or cute as it is embarrassing to read?
I know Dopers have provided okcupid profile advice before. Even if you don’t do that here, you might want to ask someone for advice on how you’re presenting yourself. Sharing is good, but oversharing is not. It’s one thing to be an open book to people you care for. It’s another to be an open book to the world.
You sound like the definifion of “Nice Guy”. You only wanted to be “friends” with this girl because you thought she was hot and you were hoping to get in her pants.
Am I the only one here who has notice that a beautiful woman with a vague profile was quick to give out her phone number to a lonely man? Start of a scam? Has she hit you up for anything?
It occurs to me that if we could all read minds and judged who could be our friends by their thoughts none of us could have any friends at all. If you are a mind police sort of person you may be cheating yourself out of a number of richly diverse relationships.
Cut someone out for an initial opinion and you miss the opportunity to find out all the other good things about that person. One opinion does not evil make.
A good friend is hard to find and a precious thing. Rarely are you both in total agreement about issues outside of your relationship. So you learn to focus on the common ground and can have a good thing for the two of you.
And people change over the years. Sometimes being a friend can be part of that.
So what did you mean? Because if you’re not including sex then I’d assume you mean a “long term sex-less relationship”* and most people aren’t into that.
*LTSLR = a friend. And no one wants to “hit it off” with their friend unless they mean sex.
