What’s this all about? Her boyfriend’s wife doesn’t mind that her husband has a girlfriend who lives with them?
[Nelson]Ha-ha![/Nelson].
Y’all needs have a trailer.
[nelson]
[1/2 nelson]
No. She doesn’t. Celebrate the diversity.
Wheeeeeeeee!!! Yippeeeee!!! I’m celebrating the diversity! Christ, I have a giant box of Roman candles and skyrockets in the basement, now that you mention it. I’m going to go outside and shoot them all off, just to celebrate it! Yaaaaaay!
The OP stated it so nonchalantly as if it were the most normal and common thing in the world. I don’t mean any offense, I can’t help being a podunk simpleton who’s surprised to hear someone describe such a living arrangement with no context or details at all. I was kind of hoping the OP would explain it to me, for the sake of enlightenment and diversity and expanding my mind and everything, but it looks like that’s not gonna happen.
Deadpan delivery. Celebrate.
(I don’t get the relationship either, and look forward to the insight.)
WAG: Non-monogamous relationship.
Here:
Sorry, I was gone for the day.
Explaining my views first: I grew up with Heinlein as a major influence on me. He had liberal views on this stuff. And then I had to deal with my sister (who I’ll get to in a minute), and got other strange friends on the internet. I figure as long as it’s consenting adults, whatever. I don’t think it’s normal, at least for most people (it’s apparently more common is some circles, including old-school scifi fans [or so I heard…] and among BDSM people like my sister). I mostly consider it a joke (‘her boyfriend and his wife’ Come on!)
And now my sister’s situation: My sister is into BDSM, which, again, I have no problem with, although I really don’t want to hear about it from her. As far as I know, my sister doesn’t actually have sex with this guy. I know he chews on her neck a lot, but other than that I have no idea. I was actually over at their place to drop off the two cats (yes, I know. Me = doormat. I’m working on it). They seem like relatively normal people, although I did notice they had no leisure reading. I saw cookbooks and that’s it. They could’ve been packed up somewhere (since originally they and my sister were going to move into a house together) or in one of the rooms I didn’t go to. Anyway, my sister and the guy do BDSM stuff, I think. The wife isn’t interested. I haven’t really asked because, really, I don’t want to know.
Alright, I’ve discussed this with my parents who are much more level-headed than I am (that whole age thing, dammit). I’ve calmed down and since I asked the IMHO thread closed, I figured I give an update here (me? impetuous? never!)
I’m not sending the letter I quoted in the IMHO thread. I’m sending one that’s much less confrontational and much more reasonable. Everybody’s right - the stuff isn’t the problem, it’s how she treats me. Yeah, I was kind of itching for a fight.
I’m asking her to pay the phone bill for this and last month. I’m asking her to return my things and to put my name on the phone bill (which I had already asked her to do when I found out about her wanting me to pay it). I’m asking her to call before coming over, and especially when she’s bringing over guests. (if she doesn’t, I’m installing a chain on the door. But I’m not telling her that. ) And I’m letting her know I’m redecorating the place and packing up her stuff.
I’ve spent much more money and done many more things for her than she’s done for me. I’m not doing any more (well, after packing up her shit :rolleyes: ). I don’t socialize with her - even at RenFaire I hardly see her (why, yes dear, I am avoiding you! And your creepy boyfriend! :rolleyes: )
So, I’m not, at the moment, planning on moving. I’m going to try to get her to pay me something every month, but I’m not counting on it happening. If / when her thing with this couple falls through and she moves back in, I’m moving out. When I finish my degree (in however many years it takes to get 11 units grumble *grumble), I’m moving out. If my income drops and I need that extra $150 a month, I’m moving out. Until then, I’m making this apartment mine.
(I sound much more reasonable and less pissed off, right? Pretend with me)
You’re doing great!
From my experience - yes, if you can get away from the day-to-day nightmare of living with someone like this, it’s much easier to get along with them.
When you don’t have to put up with the crap all the time, when you get to choose what to do for them, share with them, etc. (rather than having to do it by default because otherwise your life is hell), it’s not so bad.
You can cheerfully do the things that you don’t mind, cheerfully say “Nope!” to the rest, and gleefully get on with life while they try to find someone else to take care of them.
Erm, it may take a while after she’s gone to get over the anger and frustration. Try pillow-punching or something.
Good luck!
The point that really stuck out to me was that your sister can’t pick up a gallon of milk, clean the tub, or pick up the kitty litter because it hurts her…but she can babysit? I wouldn’t trust a woman who can’t carry a gallon of milk to watch my child!
Sorry to hear about your issues with your sister. She does sound like a lazy one and that really sucks. Hope things get worked out between you.
Good for you!
You can be as pissed as you’d like. It’s your right. And sometimes it’s good to vent your anger to yourself.
But doing things to make the situation worse won’t help you feel better. So it’s good that it sounds like you’re taking more reasonable actions to move ahead.
Good luck!