If a friend came out to me, I’d be happy for them. Just like if a friend had a job she hated and she decided to quit and find a job she liked better, I’d care because she’s a friend, and I’d be happy once she found a better job. I’d care if a friend had big news like coming out of the closet, not because it affects me, but because it affects my friend, and I care about my friends.
As for people I don’t know coming out of the closet, I somewhat care on a cultural level. I’m a straight woman who supports gay rights. And it seems that if someone knows a gay person, they are more likely to support gay rights, or at the very least be less against them. So, each person that comes out of the closet means there are more people that personally know a gay person, which slowly turns the tide to more people supporting gay rights.
In retrospect, and seeing many of the answers here, I want to rephrase my answer – I was reading the OP’s question as “would I care [in a negative way]?” to which my response was a complete “no.”
I agree however that there is a lot of good caring to be done for people who need any and all kinds of an ear to listen to them or a shoulder to help them with their burden – no matter what the issue at hand is – and one great stressor in life would be transiting from closeted to “out.” So yes, if a friend came out to me, I’d care for them as a friend. And it still wouldn’t affect the way I see them as a person.
I’ll add that I wouldn’t be surprised at anything anymore – I have long come to the conclusion that my gaydar is completely busted. So much so that I don’t even bother trying to turn it on, anymore (and really, why should I try and divine the preferences of a person who doesn’t feel the need to tell me about it?)
So what are you supposed to say when someone comes out to you? “I’ll be damned” just doesn’t seem to cut it. “Good for you” sounds condescending. “So what” sounds harsh.
Yeah, silenus, I have heard this “dude, was I drunk last night - I don’t remember anything” story before. Let’s just say I miss you man…it was a special night for me.
Thanks to all for responding.
My point was to hopefully help anyone in the closet reading through this thread, and showing that, for the most part, nobody really “cares” these days if you are Gay or not (re: people don’t hate you, consider you a freak, etc.) and it might be time for you to just come out. Granted, this is easier said than done, especially if you are in a small, less-liberal town, or rely on your very homophobic parents for food and shelter, etc. etc.
Despite pockets of bigotry, I think most Americans are over the “shock” factor when they find out someone is Gay…you have shows like Ellen that are very popular, and even some other celebrities; plus it is no longer a big shocker in movies, television shows or books. When a co-worker says they are Gay, it usually doesn’t set tongues wagging for weeks on end, it is a non-story.
But thanks, all, for sharing.
Hopefully there is a lurker out there who might be encouraged by reading this!
I’ve had gay friends and none of them felt they had to tell me they were gay. And it always took me a long time to realize, because I don’t care and don’t have gaydar if I did. So I’d find out when they were introducing me to their “boyfriend”, assuming I’d already known.
So, the only way I’d know is if you did the flaming act or limp wrist, falsetto act you see in movie farces.
It completely depends on the relationship I have with the person and why they are coming out to me. At this point in my life, I haven’t had it come up much in my private life. That is, I meet people who are already open privately and publicly. When I was younger, it seemed to be a more frequent occurrence.
I think I flubbed it a bit when I was in my late twenties and an acquaintance who I had known to be married to a man sidled up to me at a party and said, “I wanted you to know that I’m a lesbian.” I actually didn’t know at that point that she had even left her husband. I muttered and stuttered and think I said something stupid like, “Well, as long as you’re happy.” I felt like finding her later and explaining that it wasn’t that I had any problem with her coming out, I was confused because I was out of the gossip loop and didn’t know she had ended her marriage.
It would depend on the relationship I had with the person. (I think I’m repeating myself. :D)
If it was a friend or family member who was obviously really anxious about telling me, I say something along the lines of, “OK. Were you concerned that it will matter to me or make a difference in how I feel about you?”
You could joke that up or serious it up, depending. I think a little reassurance wouldn’t come amiss to anyone coming out to a friend or family member.
This, and +1 for practicality
I’d be kinda bummed that it took him so long to talk to me about it, and I’d be downright (relationship-endingly) furious if he’d been actually cheating on me, but as for the actual “homosexuality” part, no. I’d be a whole lot more upset if he suddenly sprung on me that he was Christian, Republican, or vegan.
For everyone else (family, friends, acquaintances) count me in on the “generally supportive, happy you’re happy, and glad for the general demographic info” crowd. For strangers, my interest in your demographic details is approximately none whatsoever.
If you’re not my husband, I don’t care. And if you ARE my husband (which presumably would make you bi, not gay), I only care if you’re cheating on me or planning to leave me.
Care as in does it bother me, no, not unless it was a guy I was misguidedly attracted to; the one time it happened I was disappointed. Other than that, I don’t really care who a person is attracted to - even if it’s me since I’ve never been terribly fussed by misguided girls hitting on me - straight or gay.
However, it does make me worry a bit more for the gay friend’s safety (I don’t worry about lesbian friends the same way) once he’s come out - especially my high school friend who moved to Texas with his SO. What can I say, I’m a worrier, and the odd news stories now and then about violence add to that.
I don’t care-my only experince was when a guy I knew came out-he was very good looking, and lettered in football and swimming. He could date any woman he wanted…and it surprised a lot of people.
One thing I’ve learned is to never assume that anyone is open to their family no matter how open they are in public or to their family.
A very good friend of mine only very recently came out officially to his family, and I’ve known him as nothing but a very proud and open gay man for over ten years. He had never actually said the words to his mother, father, brother, sister. It wasn’t a question of inheritance or fear of being cast out. He was independent in all ways and even took care of some members of his family financially. It was just easier to work from the assumption that they knew without saying anything, less emotionally risky even for him. To see my ever-confident friend talk about this and how pants-wettingly terrifying it was for him even at this point in his life, I can’t imagine how anyone gets through it.
I’d be amused, or perhaps bemused more so, but I wouldn’t really care.
I might do a mental shift as others have noted, but I doubt my behavior would really change much.
I remember in the late 70s, it was becoming “no big deal” then AIDS came along and it was a HUGE deal because, to most people, gay meant you had AIDS.
But now it seems to be no great deal to most people.
Now as a gay man, one thing that I’ve learned is this:
It’s one thing to be gay and it’s another thing to be gay and DOING something about it.
I still see people who have no problem with homosexuality but God-forbid they should see you holding hands with the same sex or bringing a “friend” to an office party.
But I can honestly say I am very surprised at how far tolerence has come. I remember back in the 80s I lost two jobs because I was gay, though I do think AIDS had more to do with it than being gay. Back then of course, they didn’t even have a test to see if you had AIDS so they just assumed all gay people were infected with AIDS and to be fair, no one knew how it spread either.
I don’t think I’d care. If you came out in drag, or suddenly adopted a gay lisp and mannerisms for no good reason, then I’d probably want you to get away from me for a while while I think it over (assuming you were a good friend). No, that’s not homophobic. If you suddenly started ebonics and wearing your pants half-way down your ass (where beforehand you hadn’t), I’d have a similar reaction. It comes down to, no one cares who you sleep with, nor do they care about the color of your skin; they care about how you comport yourself in public.
No. Actually, whatever someone does, I only give a crap if it affects me. They could be gay or alien or whatever, and as long as it doesn’t affect me, I don’t care.
(and really, why should I try and divine the preferences of a person who doesn’t feel the need to tell me about it?)
