I'm getting married. For the first time. At age 47. And I have questions.

In My Humble Opinion
21

For our favors, we filled wine glasses with hershey’s kisses and wrapped them in cellophane. The wedding party helped to make them, it took less than an hour and cost 75 cents a person. They looked pretty on the tables and were something that would be eaten/used.

We had about 25 to 30 invitations and hand addressed them. And by we, I mean me. Any more than that would have been awful.

I did all the flowers myself. I actually found it relaxing the night before the wedding making them. It was really easy and cheap. I bought three bunches of roses from Costco and about ten dollars of floral stuff.

Just remember, things will go wrong the day of wedding. You just need to roll with them. I left my veil at home. My husband had to run home and get it. I forgot to buy pins for the flowers, but my brother picked some up on the way. The tux place screwed up have the orders, but had everything fixed (well enough) in time. And you know what, none of it mattered in the end, because at the end of the day, we were married and that was all that mattered.

22

Moved from General Questions to In My Humble Opinion.

Gfactor
General Questions Moderator

23

I don’t think there is a graceful way for you to say, "everyone pool your cash together so we can get a couch’.

So, your bestman/maid of honor will have to do the dirty work. They orginanize it as a ‘suprise’ for you. Now they have to be right sort of people to pull this off. (they have to lie to everyone’s face and not get caught) But that’s the only way I see to do it.
As for wedding favors, how about a mix cd? Include the song you and wife will first dance to, music from the wedding, Shout, that sort of thing.

Also, it is now fashionable for the wedding party, bride, groom and attendents, to ‘perform’ at the reception. Like you all do the ‘Thriller’ dance or maybe the Roxanne dance from Moulin Rouge.

as for the kids, a pinata, not one of that lame non-violent ones, filled with candy and money is always fun but I think they have fun being included in the real party. You have to dance with every little girl and your bride with every little boy.

24

You can’t dictate what people give you, but if you prefer to receive cash gifts the best way to do this is not to register. If guests inquire, you can spread by word of mouth that you prefer cash. That’s really the only “polite” way of asking for money.

Everyone in the wedding biz seems to have a different opinion on asking for donations to charity in lieu of gifts…some people think it’s heinous. But personally I think it’s cool as long as you’re not DEMANDING it, and as long as your guests have some other options should they choose not to go the charity route.

I’ll echo what others have said in that favors are generally a waste of money, however we decided we would take the money we would have spent on favors and donate it to a charity instead. We gave to the American Cancer Society. You can tell your guests about this in your program or on table cards or something, or you can not announce it all. In any case no one will notice if you choose not to have favors.

For invites, we were lucky to have a friend with very nice handwriting who addressed our envelopes. However if time and resources is an issue I think it’s perfectly fine to have labels, especially since this is a casual wedding.

As far as other cool ideas, I’ve heard from several people that having a photo booth at their reception was a big hit and one of the best decisions they made.

25

Don’t do any non-edible favors. They just become clutter in somebody’s house, or get thrown out.

Mr. Neville and I did the clear labels and mail merge for our invites. Nobody complained, at least not to us. Both of us have bad enough handwriting that undelivered invitations might easily have resulted from our hand-addressing them. But if she wants to do it, and she isn’t asking you to do it as well, let her.

I’ve never seen entertainers for kids at a wedding. The kids usually have fun dancing and the like.

Amen to this. Just remember- if everybody who was speaking to somebody else before the wedding is still speaking to them afterward, and nobody gets arrested or hurt, the wedding went well.

Make sure everybody is OK with it before planning something like this. Not everybody enjoys performing like that, and it’s definitely Bridezillaish to pressure someone to do something they’re not comfortable with.

And don’t smash cake in each other’s faces. That may be common, but that doesn’t make it one bit less juvenile or tacky. If you must smear each other with icing, save it for afterward when you’re alone in the bridal suite.

26

I’ve been to a few weddings recently where there has been a separate room for the young kids stocked with toys, games, and videos and staffed by professional babysitters. I think this is a great arrangement. The parents get to have grown-up time and the kids aren’t bored.

I’m also opposed to soliciting cash. It makes the whole thing seem too much like a financial transaction.

We paid the stationery store to hand-address our invitations, but I don’t think the way the envelope is addressed is a very big deal.

I vote for edible favors if you feel the need to have them.

27

Congratulations! I wish you many years of happiness!

One of the most thoughtful weddings I ever attended was my former husband’s sister’s. Children were abundant and welcomed. They planned a separate buffet table for the kids, stocked with chicken nuggets, mac ’ cheese, fruit pieces, etc. It was a great big hit! The adults lapped up the beef tenderloin, secure in the knowledge it wasn’t going to waste being forced upon the unsophisticated palates of children, who were also well-fed.

28

Are all non-edible favors really universally hated? It’s true I’ve gotten a fair amount of non-disposable crap at weddings, but I was thinking it would be nice to give each guest a small potted herb when my turn comes. The BF and I are both avid gardeners, and herbs are so pretty, useful, and easy to grow. Would people really roll their eyes at this?

Advice I can give: I’ve seen people make special gift bags for the kiddies–small toys, crayons and a dollar store coloring book, a few Hershey’s kisses, or whatever. This helps keep them occupied and gives mom and dad tools to distract their little ones with if behavior threatens to get out of control. Maybe you could have “little” ones (ages 1–10) and “big” ones (ages 11–14) to keep everybody happy.

29

fuffle, I think a potted herb plant would be lovely.

30

I’m the only one who’s in love with the whoopie cushion favors? I mean, usually favors are stupid, but I think that’s absolutely hilarious

31

I’m over 40 and getting married in less than a couple of months now.

As far as invitations go, we bought ours from a craft store and my father, who’s a computer geek, was able to print the addresses directly onto the envelopes from the computers. The invitations were reasonably priced and include links to websites where you can get software to get your wording to fit on them. If I’d been doing them, I would have done a mail merge, but I’m also a computer geek.

Silly as it may seem, I do recommend going to a decent sized bridal show. You’ll have all the vendors corralled in one place so you can find out who’s who. Some of the bakeries which do wedding cakes might even have samples for you to try. Our cake is included in the price of the reception, so finding a baker wasn’t a problem, but I was surprised by the number of options they had. We wound up going with chocolate cake with chocolate fudge filling, frosted in a vanilla and chocolate design. Here’s one gotcha no one told me about. The cake topper wasn’t included in the price of the cake. We’ll supply our own or do with out.

When it comes to the kids, I like what a friend of mine did when she got married. She had one table covered in white paper so that kids could draw on it and supplied crayons, colored pens, etc, and some quiet toys so the kids could enjoy themselves, too. Great idea using your nephew and niece as attendants, by the way – we’re using our nieces, too.

If you’re getting married in a church or if either of you go to a church regularly, talk to them about who they use for flowers. Another idea, lifted from The Worst Case Guide To Getting Married (a friend gave it to us) is to talk to hotels and restaurants about where they get their flowers from. The place you’re holding your reception might have some ideas. The Knot, one of the bridal magazines, also does local issues which have ads from and information on vendors in your area, along with information about getting the marriage license, etc.

I’ve been going back and forth on favors, and I’ll probably decide to skip them. A coworker, though, did a very nice thing when she got married. She had bags made up containing snacks, water, etc for her out-of-town guests. Include cell phone numbers and maps, too.

Congratulations, and good luck! So far, the process hasn’t been very stressful at all. Instead, it’s been mostly joyful. The nice thing about being over 40 is you’ve got more sense than you had in your 20s and no one’s expecting you to conform to the nonsense they’re trying to sell you in the bridal magazines. Focus on what matters to you and to hell with the rest of it! Share your joy with your family and friends, and may the joy of this time last a lifetime.

32

I think the whoopie cushion is on the order of giving fake dogshit with the inscription “I had a shitload of fun at X&Y’s wedding.” Worse, actually. Shit is not as tacky as farts. I just can’t imagine what good can be had, years from now, from someone cutting one or being forced to be in the presence of someone else’s, and thinking “Hey, that reminds me of Jim’s wedding!”

Just not my kind of humor. But it’s not my wedding either.

33

Congratulations, Siege! :slight_smile:

34

Have some sort of provision for kids, food-wise. Some kids will eat what the adults do, but some won’t. Have some option that will work for most picky kids (their parents will be grateful). A vegetarian option is also a good idea. It could just be side dishes that you could put together to make up a meal, but there should be some food that doesn’t include meat.

The wedding party must have the same food options as the guests. Having a special meal for the wedding party or the bride and groom is incredibly tacky, unless there’s some medical or religious reason why they need a special meal.

If you serve a meal, all guests who are invited to the reception are invited to the meal. It’s really tacky to invite some people at one time for the meal and have more people show up later for dessert and dancing.

Cash bars are controversial. Some people think they’re normal and expected, some think they’re tacky. If you are having a cash bar, make sure you let your guests know this in advance. People really don’t like cash bars when they haven’t been told in advance and didn’t bring any money with them. You should definitely have some sort of soft drinks available for the kids and for adults who don’t drink or who think they’ve had enough to drink already. You don’t have to have a full bar (at least in some traditions)- just beer and/or wine is OK, or you can do like we did and have beer and wine provided for the guests, but a cash bar for any other alcoholic drinks. If you do have alcohol, you should have a bartender, so that he or she can cut anybody off before they get dangerously drunk. That sometimes leads to the scenarios where somebody gets arrested or hurt at a wedding, or somebody gets a DUI on the way home. Not something you want.

Have your pictures taken before the ceremony, not between the ceremony and the reception. Everybody’s makeup and hair will still be just-done perfect, and not have had a chance to get messed up during the course of the ceremony. Plus, it will mean the guests don’t have to sit around and wait for you to show up so the reception can start. Kids especially are likely to get bored and hungry if you make them wait. It’s a really bad idea to serve drinks but no food at the reception for the guests who are waiting for the wedding party to show up. That can lead to the obnoxious-drunken-guest problem. If you must do pictures after the ceremony, and if you must serve drinks while the guests wait for the reception to start, be sure to serve some kind of snacks along with them.

Gift bags for the kids are a good idea. But make sure they don’t contain anything that is likely to encourage play that involves a lot of noise or running around. Stuff like crayons and coloring books are better. If you do have a pinata for the kids, make sure a responsible adult is supervising, and take the stick away from the kids afterward.

If you had a choice, kudos on not having kids under 5 in the wedding party. IMO, they’re really too young. Once kids are 5 or older, they can understand how they should behave as members of a wedding party. They’re not as likely to throw a screaming, crying fit at the altar or do something else disruptive like that. Mr. Neville’s relatives learned this the hard way- he was a ring bearer in one of their weddings when I think he was about two or three. They gave him crayons to play with before the ceremony started, but then of course took them away when he was supposed to go up the aisle. All the way up the aisle, he was bawling and screaming, “CRAYONS!”.

Ditto!

35

I got married at 25, but my wife was 33, and we’d already been living together for a few years, so we didn’t really need anything. We didn’t register anywhere. Guests who were interested in giving a gift asked my folks, who told them that if they felt absolutely compelled to bring something, bring cash. We ended up with about three grand, a couple of sets of towels, and a handful of tchotchkes, including a heart-shaped crystal picture frame that’s now hanging in our bathroom with a portrait of Eugene Debs.

We skipped the favors for adults and instead made little gift bags filled with dollar store toys for the kids in attendance. Before the buffet line opened up, we went around and handed them out. They were a big hit.

A few general rules of thumb for a good wedding, IMHO:

  1. Very few people actually care about the ceremony. Keep it to close friends and family only, and invite the horde to the reception.

  2. There are only four things that are worth spending serious cash on:

[ol][li]Food. A decent buffet is fine[/li][li]Good tasting cake. The most architecturally impressive cake in the world is a waste of money if it tastes like crap[/li][li]Booze. Cash bars are the opposite of classy[/li][li]Music. A good DJ or a band with stage presence are worth their weight in gold. If you go with a DJ, look for folks who have as much character off stage as on. Guys who sport bouffants and leisure suits in everyday life are a good bet. For bands, pick a group that can do a couple of hours worth of standards - classic rock, R&B, and funk - no matter where your particular musical tastes lie.[/li][/ol]

  1. Everything else is gravy, and nobody (except for maybe the bride, groom, and person paying the bill) will remember it for more than fifteen minutes after the leave the reception hall.
36

…okay, yeah, I suppose I had that coming. Cut me some slack, I’d been up for two days. The old literary device detector occasionally goes on the blink when that happens.

Oh well, everybody gets whooshed once in their lives (“sophisticated readers” or otherwise). Mea culpa.

37

First, congrats to all in this thread getting married.

When we got married 30 years ago no one did favors, unless you count the inscribed matchbooks at all tables. Since no one smokes any more, that won’t work. You can get M&Ms now with a message - that might be interesting.

I think it is okay to say that money is fine if someone asks, but not to solicit. (Some bank should start a registry someday. ) I suspect most people will figure out that you don’t need appliances, and either give money anyway, ask, or get you something cool.

For the height of tackiness - when we lived in Louisiana, people getting married would have wedding dances, where the guests would pin money on the bride’s dress.

These were advertised on the radio. :eek:

38

Good music is definitely a must, and if you want a DJ don’t cheap out. However, on the flip side, I’ve seen several weddings just use an iPod and some sound equipment. It always turned out beautifully. It’s complete control for couples who want to control that side of things, and it was actually peace of mind for a couple of the brides who were afraid their DJs would have too MUCH character. :slight_smile:

39

Depending on the herb, it might be the best favor ever.

40

Congratulations Squeege and Siege!