I’ve never been to one before, and I feel a little intimidated. Looks like they bring around skewers to your table, and carve you off some meat - right?
Give me some Brazilian steakhouse advice so I don’t look like a total noob.
Assuming you are a meatatarian:
There’s usually a fantastic salad bar. Don’t fill yourself up on salad, you are paying for the meat.
Come hungry. Skip lunch (breakfast if you are going for lunch).
I recommend actually eating a light lunch. You don’t want to be completely starving.
Most places know that new diners won’t know the whole process and will explain it to you.
You’ll have a card that you’ll flip over when you want more. Get a few different pieces to start before flipping it back to red. Don’t feel bad rejecting someone if they come over with something you don’t want.
Try as much as you can. Remember which one is your favorite and get it again for your last bite. Usually they’ll come over after you’ve been there for a while to see if there’s anything specific you would like.
Try not to fill up on the cheese rolls.
They always try to take their time serving you the meat when you sit down. They’ll give you rolls and a great salad bar to hope you fill up on them. The trick is to not eat either until they start bringing the meat around. Once you’ve had a serving or two of meat, then go for the salad and rolls.
“Mas” is Portuguese for “More”.
That’s all you’ll need.
It’s really not that complicated. Since they’re typically quite expensive, go hungry so you get your money’s worth, or as close as you can. Flip the card to green (or whatever, some use other devices - Fogo de Chao and Chima uses cards). Say no thanks if they bring you something you don’t like. When you are full, or there’s enough on your plate to last a while, turn it back over to red. If you somehow get confused, they usually give a spiel about how it works anyway if you’ve never been there before.
I love em. First encountered one in Brazil in the early 90s. I go to one in Philly a couple times a year.
Oh, I just went to an all-you-can-eat seafood and meat place for mother’s day.
Step 1. Plan your goals- do you want to be drunk and full or stuffed. Drinking alcohol greatly slows the meat consumption and the meat slows the drunkenness. So I advise skipping the alcohol.
Step 2. Good size carb heavy meal the night before. Bloat that stomach
Step 3. normal breakfast and tiny lunch. Lots of water all day.
Step 4. start slow- try a couple of bites of everything. Get your stomach moving before overtaxing it.
Step 5. Pick what you like and start going to down
Step 6. Pick up the pace a bit, you need to get your groove going. All of these other dainty eaters surrounding you are going to get full soon and want to leave- gotta get your money’s worth before they chicken out.
Step 7. Feeling full. Don’t be fooling yourself.
Step 8. You didn’t see the ribs before… get some now. SLowing the pace while it all settles
Step 9. Otehrs have stopped. YOU DON’T. Eat the pork! More more, you little swine! You are some sort of quitter now are you.
Step 10.One more plate full and you can then move onto the leftovers on others’ plates. Show them who’s boss- assert dominance over these weaklings.
Step 11. Dessert. You will really have to have a bit to show everyone that you could keep going, but most likely you are going to be hurting a bit by now. So don’t take too much and you can get a cookie for like .50 unlike that 120 worth of steak you destroyed with your gnoshers.
Step 12. Don’t eat for two days. Not joking. I went for Sunday brunch and didn’t eat again until tuesday morning.
My personal record in one sitting was 46 pancakes as an 18 year old. I was severely disappointed in my poor performance on Sunday. Metabolism slowdown is a thing.
Actually, it’s “mais”, pronounced “mysh”.
If there is a side dish of feijoada (a bean stew), don’t pass it up.
Eat lightly beforehand.
Chances are you’ll be seated, and then directed toward the salad bar/buffet items. You’ll probably find lots of simple veggie side dishes and fresh cut fruit, and starches such as garlic rice or pasta, and pao de queso, cheese rolls. There’ll be hot dishes such as chicken stroganoff and platains. You can just stick with this stuff if you’re not too meatatarian.
On your table will be a card or saltshaker-like thing that has one red side and one green side. Red is an indicator for the roaming meat men to skip your table. Green means you want them to stop by. They’ll be carrying a variety of meats and don’t feel bad about turning down offerings.
My local place has sirloin, tri-tip, garlic beef, lamb, chicken, chicken wrapped with bacon, and linguiça. They charge by weight, but other places charge a flat rate.
Protein’s filling, so chances are your eyes will be bigger than your stomach.
Only if you’re from Rio.
Slightly different from above, but don’t feel compelled to eat more than you care to. The point, as with any good meal, is to enjoy your food in (hopefully) good company. Not to overstuff your face out of some misbegotten sense you will otherwise miss out on something.
So, basically, act like you’ve had a civilized meal before. If that means eating a tremendous amount, go for it. If that means making up for quantity with quality, go for it. You do you, and you’ll be fine.
Don’t start with any of the sausages. Those will fill you up fast, and with sausage you won’t get your money’s worth like you would with steak, or even chicken.
The first time I went to Sao Paulo Brazil, I ate more meat in one week in churrascarias just like Fogo de Chao than I would eat in a year at home in the US.
Man, that was good.
Hah, you remind me of a Big Bang Theory quote, from Howard to Raj:
“last Diwali, I watched you eat two pounds of sacred cow at a Brazilian steak house.”
So I’ll only take a bit of each kind of protein from the circling meat picadors, and then call back the one I like best, which I suspect will be lamb leg or chops. Easy on the salad bar. Flip the little markers to green or red. Got it.
While I understand the reasoning, I’m not personally in favor of it. It’s not a contest between you and the restaurant; you don’t win if you eat nothing but the very most expensive meat they offer you. There’s no scorecard.
Everything is very tasty, in my experience. (Texas de Brazil is the chain I’m familiar with.) I would advocate trying everything, and damn the “cost/fullness” contest. Then go for your favorites, and again, screw whether It’s a cheap sausage or the fillet or the picanha. (I like that last one best, but YMMV.)
In the same spirit, don’t be afraid of the sides. Starches are included (bread and baked plantains in my example). And if you’ve paid for the salad (which was extra last I went to a churrascaria), nibble on what’s there too. They had good cheeses, for instance.
To summarize my own humble opinion: don’t imbalance your meal and impair your enjoyment for the sake of a dubious and worthless sense of having “beat the restaurant.”
You’ll have a little pair of tongs on your plate, most likely. When the meat guy carves off a piece from the hunk on his skewer, you use your little tongs to catch it and put it on your plate.
Also, don’t feel shy about telling them which doneness level you want. Usually they’ll ask, but if they don’t, tell them. They can carve from different spots on the hunk to get you what you want.
Also, if you’re going to Fogo de Chao, the parmesan-encrusted pork is to die for. 
The place is called Galpao Gaucho, and it’s in Cupertino.
:: checking website menu ::
Looks like they have that parmesan-crusted pork tenderloin. Thanks for the tip.
I second the parmesan pork and also the Picanha.
Those are the two I never skip.
Oh, wow, I didn’t know there was a Brazilian steakhouse in Cupertino. I’ll have to check it out! (We usually go to Fogo at Santana Row.)
Damn guys, I may have to go there for no special occasion at all. Mmmmm. Picanha.