funny you should mention this topic. Here’s a news report from South Africa about a woman being charged for talking online about “getting rid” of her husband.
Robert Heinlein said something to the effect that people who wake someone unnecessarily don’t deserve the death penalty…the first time. Mr. SeaWitch is clearly living on borrowed time. I have two large dogs, and a freezer that is only about half full at this time. I will take some large chunks, preferably with bones. I always feel that seeing human bones in the back yard gives kids, burglars, and other trespassers second thoughts about wandering around in OUR territory.
However, my Cousin Vinnie is VERY hurt that you didn’t see fit to consult him. As an expeditor for my Family, he is used to “reasoning” with people about their actions. You would, however, owe him a favor if he does YOU one. This makes some people uneasy.
For the Look of Power, check your local PBS TV station or BBC America to see if you can watch an episode of “Are You Being Served?”, and observe Mrs. Slocum (she’s the older woman and usually has her hair dyed some improbable colo(u)r) when the Men’s Junior Assistant gives her Cheek. She’s got an absolutely terrifying LOP.
I am VERY tempted to creatively edit Mr. SeaWitch’s profile. I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t…
On the topic of bonsai vs. banzai - why not ship out the ‘packages’ mixed into the soil of bonsai trees? Not only does it look inconspicuous (bonemeal compost anyone?) but I’m sure more people would be willing to accept a piece of Mr. Seawitch into their lives if they also got a free miniature larch.
Well, this part is true. I did make a couple of small objects vanish while I was completely naked, and I did make a fish appear in his glass of water. In my defense, it was quite a small guppy. It’s a great bar trick.
He sits on it and then can’t find it.
It was a shish-ke-bob skewer. Another great trick.
I blame Clairol. The box said it was dark auburn. Besides, honey, you told me it wasn’t that bad and promised you’d never mention it again. [sub]You lying bastard.[/sub]
I moved the couch so I could set up my massage table, and give him a 2-hour back rub.
It really is him posting. Enjoy him while you can… I’m off to buy ziplock bags.
Next time Mr. Seawitch pulls this stunt, tell him you’re going to get even sometime in the next 2 weeks. Then do NOTHING to him for 2 weeks. By the end of 2 weeks he will be reduced to a quivering mass of flesh. If he asks you about the revenge during the first 2 weeks, say “Just be patient…”
On the 15th day, wait until he’s in bed asleep. Preferably in the middle of the night, say 2 AM. Then fill up a trash can with ice water. Dump it on him.
Next time Mr. Seawitch pulls this stunt, tell him you’re going to get even sometime in the next 2 weeks. Then do NOTHING to him for 2 weeks. By the end of 2 weeks he will be reduced to a quivering mass of flesh. If he asks you about the revenge during the first 2 weeks, say “Just be patient…”
On the 15th day, wait until he’s in bed asleep. Preferably in the middle of the night, say 2 AM. Then fill up a trash can with ice water. Dump it on him.
If revenge is a dish best served cold, Mr. SeaWitch tar-tar does not at all sound like a good menu item. Additionally, with two weeks notice, I could very well enjoy her expressions; which undoubtedly I would then deserve some heneous act performed on my body.
Heinlein happens to be one of my favorite authors, so borrowed or not, what is time?
I had’nt about that article but I know there are two cases of spousal mutilation that occured recently in South Africa, and unfortunatly I see a global trend brewing.
The LOP (or LOD depending on the paragraph - I assume katrina means death) is something I don’t think she could do with the prerequiset (sp?) staight face, and in kind, I can always pull an impatient chicken routine to counter her proposal. :eek:
Thus we are back to square one. What to do with my blubbler. I think perfume or soap would be easier to send and not get caught. But why am I adding to this mess?
I’ve got this lovely dranage canal that runs right under my room… ship me some pieces, and the next time we have a good strong rain it’ll be a perfect depository. Who knows if the pieces would ever be found again. sweet innocent look
Of course, I will offically deny that I posted in this thread if the proper authorities should happen to ask.
And for another non-lethal trick… fun with cooking. If you can find kukui nut oil, use that to make something. Or make something with lots and lots of guava. (The two have opposite effects. I’ll let your experimenting figure out which does what.) evil smile goes here
SeaWitch I usually plan a bbq for friends during Memorial Day weekend. I could really use a couple of good hams. This could save me major bucks. I’m thinking that thigh meat would make especially good bbq.
While you are at it, why not saute’ my pieces or even jerk them for the winter months. How about a polynesian style backyard “pig” pit. For that matter, I suggest that I go great with potatoes and green beans. Mr. SeaWitch, the other other white meat. On the other hand, maybe my entrails can be used in the next survivor series.
If cooking is not to your taste, then perhaps Mrs. SeaWitch can chop off both my hands and replace them with hooks. I can see it now, “honey will you wipe my ass?”
“No dear,” she replies, “I guess your stuck.”
:::Sharp Cries of Pain:::
“Well, I wouldn’t go in there for a while if I were you. Can you bring me a bandaid?”
If that doesn’t hook you how about plugging up my nose with french fries, sticking an apple in my mouth and eat my fish? No wait, been done before…
…I don’t know. What else can you possibly do to me?
[In response to Mr. Seawitch’s query about what more folks can do to him, celestina gets out her virtual paddle and applies it liberally to Mr. Seawitch’s virtual bottom.]
smackMr. Seawitch! You ought to be ashamed of yourself, scaring your wife half to death and interrupting her rest! :mad: She no doubt works very hard, and you have absolutely no business scaring her like you do. smack You don’t know me from Eve, but I contend that it is downright disrespectful that you have no consideration for her feelings. How would you feel if you were dead tired, and had laid down to get a bit of rest, and she came in there and disturbed you for no good reason at all? smack Really, I’m sure your mother would be appalled to know that her child could show such a lack of hometraining. smack I think that **Mrs. Seawitch ** should take one of the fine suggestions here, take all your credit cards, go max them out at a resort somewhere very expensive, and then when you get the bills, say rather innocently: “But I just find that green look of shock on your face `ravishing.’” smack Now you’d best rethink your behavior, young man. Do you hear me? Apologize to her immediately and promise that you won’t be scaring her anymore. And then you’d best take care to be extra nice to her and pamper her silly. I don’t want to hear any lip either about whose fault is whose. And you’d better not make me have to come back in this thread and virtually spank you again.
There. seawitch how was that for punishing that naughty husband of yours? I should say that as sickened as I am by the discussion of murdering and chopping up your husband, this thread is rather cute in a strange, perverse, sick kind of way.
Y’know, throughout this entire thread, nobody has dared to come forward and claim that they have done similarly abusive things to their SO. Is Seawitch vs. Seawitch the only disfunctional relationship out there? I think not.
As for me, I learned to fear my wife many years ago so I don’t give any ‘funny ideas’ I think a second thought. I like sleeping in the house.
Y’know, I have to admit, during the times I’m not screaming in terror, I’m generally laughing too hard to breathe. Mr. Seawitch certainly knows how to put the “fun” in “dysfunctional”.
And in case it was ever in doubt, I adore the big galoot. I may yet kill him, but I’ll be very sad when it comes to that. First I’ll borrow celestinas’ paddle.
I have contemplated doing things like this to Lola in the morning.
Like right now.
But does anyone believe me to be so completely insane to trifle with my beloved before she’s had her first cup of coffee? There’d be parts of me splattered all over our bedroom.
If I ever acquire a deathwish all I will have to do is wake Lola in the aforementioned manner.
I have to side with Mrs Seawitch here, anyone who would wake someone from their nap purely for their own amusement should be forced to watch Barney marathons.
