Well, I finally did it. I bought a straight razor. I also bought a small strop that fits within the perimeter of my Dopp kit, a shaving brush, and some shaving soap. I have an extra tin cup I can use for a shaving mug.
I found this video that provides a quick tutorial on how to use a straight razor. (They had me at ‘Sweeny Tood’.)
I’m probably going to cut my head off.
I don’t think you will cut your head off, the vertebrae have a whole bunch of strong connecting muscles. You might be able to slit your throat like in those old movies, lots of blood and gasping before falling over.
I learned how to shave my dad with a straight razor back before dinosaurs walked the earth. Start by shaving balloons and always ALWAYS use a sharp blade. It worked best if we did this after he had his shower, but I was able to do a great job with no blood at 10 years old. You will rock it!
Don’t try it first time home alone.
The effect is almost exclusively psychological but you get a much better result once you trust you can ply the razor assertively without nicking, let alone gouging or needing to call the paramedics.
I’ve thought about trying a straight razor, but never quite had the nerve. Let me know how it goes.
Back when I had to shave I used an old fashioned safety razor, which gave me a much better shave than any multi-blade disposable razor ever did. I never had the nerve, or need, to go full straight razor but I commend your commitment to trimming your bristles.
I bought one after getting frustrated with the cost of razors. I never got the hang of it enough to get a decent shave even spending like 10x as long shaving.
Well, I guess it’s good I only spend 30 bucks on the razor.
Straight razors are supposed to be very good in skilled hands, although I don’t know about self-shaving with one. Personally I’ve managed to nick myself a few times even with a safety razor, so definitely not for me. I tend to mostly use an electric shaver, and a simple safety razor on occasion.
It is not necessarily the price of a razor that directly matters, just that you need to be able to keep it… razor sharp, via honing and stropping or whatever technique. You will know if it isn’t! I do not know about 10x as long (or even that it necessarily has to take longer compared to a cartridge razor), but I would at least start not in a hurry and and not try to shave your entire face in 5 seconds “Sweeney Todd”-style. I would not have thought about @JaneDoe42 's idea of shaving a balloon, but it may be good practice because obviously you do not want to put pressure on the blade or hold it at the wrong angle or accidentally slice. Worst case, remember that scars are cool…
I bought one about 40 years ago and then had a massive failure of nerve. It’s in a shelf somewhere at home while I wimpily use a trac-2.
Consider practicing on your calf.
ETA: your leg, not a young bovid.
Although I think calf shaving would make an awesome addition to the now-hackneyed roster of customary rodeo events! 
You come up with some of the best ideas, there @kayaker. Congrats!
I’ve even got one (I inherited an old 1920s one), and I have yet to work up the nerve to give it a whirl.
Is it in the film The Thin Man, (I know the actor is David Niven) who is speaking to himself as he shaves about how his father told him a real man could take a cold steel to his manly face and not injure himself, when his wife smacks his back with the bathroom door?
I can’t take credit, it was Dad’s idea. It was a good one too, if I made a mistake I knew at once and usually ended up covered in shaving cream as well.
Flyboy, if you are going to practice on shaving cream covered balloons, you should probably do it outside, at least at first.
There is that (Italian?) cartoon panel depicting a man shaving himself in front of the bathroom mirror and his kid sneaking up behind him with an inflated balloon and a pin in his hand…
I have never seen a hairy balloon. Is it possible that I’ve only seen them after they’ve been shaved???
Well, yes, that’s because the factory farmed ones always come shaved. We grew our own out back in the woods.
I saw that being done a couple/few decades ago. I don’t remember where, but I think it had something to do with people going to barber college.