I’m a millennial and I sure wouldn’t do it. If I invite people out then I’m paying particularly if I’m picking the venue and it might be over some people’s budgets. There is no way I’d ask kids to cover the cost of their attendance at my daughter’s birthday party. Of course i also wouldn’t hold it at Disneyland where it would cost me $100 per kid on top of food and stuff or if I did there would be a strick limit on the invite list.
As far as going to a party with a cover charge it would be deducted from the kids gift budget. When I was a kid we got $20 to buy our friends a present on their birthday so it there was a $12 cover my kid would get 8 for her friend. Now I haven’t gotten to the party age yet for her so that $20 may need to be adjusted for inflation and if the cover was greater then the gift cost Wed have to have a conversation about attendance, how close was the friend, how awesome was the party what my daughter would be will to give up to attend. Again with the Disneyland example if she wants to go then aside from the birthday I’m sending her to Disneyland for the day which I’m fine with but that may mean she won’t get to go to the waterpark this summer or something similar.
If you invite someone to a party or a dinner or whatever, you’re paying. Period.
By invite, I mean “Would you like to come to dinner/to a concert/to the ballgame…” as opposed to “A bunch of us are going to dinner/to a concert/to the ballgame…” or “Hey, I have an extra ticket to a concert/to the ballgame. It’s a $50 seat - wanna buy it?”
I think Miss Manners is the one who declared that you are not allowed to spend someone else’s money for them, or words to that effect.
I’d be OK with “Sissy wants to go to roller skating for her birthday and she’d like your Becky Lou to be there. Would you be willing to cover Becky Lou’s admission as her gift to Sissy?” Of course, this shouldn’t be said in front of Becky Lou, just in case Mom doesn’t want to.
I’m glad my daughter is 30 and I’m way past this drama.
It’s not common practice around here. I have two elementary school-aged kids and they have been to some elaborate parties (more so in preschool and early elementary, less so now). Never have I been asked to contribute. I would never ask parents to contribute to my kid’s party. So yeah, I think it is out of line. If you can’t afford to host your kid’s party at Chuck E. Cheese’s, have it at a park. Or your house. Don’t ask others to contribute.
You don’t charge admission to people you invite to a party. That goes for any kind of party.
You can make all kinds of rationalizations about how it’s worth it, it’s not that much money, the host can’t afford to pay for it all, etc., but this is not what hosting a party is about. Invite a bunch of kids to your place and have a cake if that’s all you can afford. Believe me, the kids will have fun and won’t give a shit.
Having been to weddings where all guests were asked to buy tickets, I am not surprised by this.
(And having been to weddings where more than half the guests did not bring gifts, I am not surprised by people asking for cash up front.)
I’m guessing the person hosting the party has already fallen victim to others breaking the implicit social contract that a guest brings a gift that covers the cost of food, drink and entertainment.
On the other hand, perhaps they just don’t want their kid to get a whole bunch of gifts that a) won’t be used or b) take up too much room.
With my own children they’ve been invited to parties that range from those who invite the entire grade and have bouncy castles and princesses, to those who have one friend over for pizza and a sleepover because the parents are in the middle of a divorce and can’t afford anything else.
That said…
Where did you folks grow up that you didn’t get loot bags at a party?
Depends on the situation.
When my daughter was younger, she wanted a birthday party at Build-A-Bear. I made it clear on the invitations that we were going, and in lieu of presents for my daughter, provide their child with funds to enjoy the party. I also fed the kids dinner on my dime and kept them overnight. Only one parent declined, citing cost, which was fine. That child came to our house AFTER Build-A-Bear, and had fun with the rest of the girls.
Now, if Build-A-Bear was the entirety of the party, I would have come up with funds to buy at least a basic bear for each of the girls. When we had birthday parties at Michael’s Crafts, Brunswick Lanes or CircusCircus (like Chuck E Cheeze), since that WAS the party, I paid.
I can think of once when we were asked to pay to attend a birthday party. It was a pool party at a hotel (waterpark). The parents were staying there overnight, the kids invited for two whole hours, and the cost was to access the waterpark. No cake, no “party”. Just basically pay to spend two hours with my child, and bring a present. My daughter declined.
Agree with Sahirrnee, gatopescado, and iamthewalrus(:3=. Charging admission to kids’ birthday parties may be a thing in some very narrow in-groups … but to my experience, it is, at best, gauche.
The irony is that it’s possible to have a cut-rate birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese – at least at the ones around here. The kicker is that you don’t get a reserved table, no decorations, and you don’t get table service during the party. But if you want to organize a group of kids to meet up at Chuck E. Cheese at a set time? They’re happy to accommodate. You can even bring your own cake (but no other food or drinks). You can get coupons for tokens and pizza out of the newspaper – and at the locations here, you can re-use the coupons, as the staff hands the coupon back to you after your transaction.
You’re not supposed to bring gifts to the wedding or reception. The amount you spend on a gift has nothing to do with the cost of the wedding and everything to do with your own budget.
My SIL did the same thing (not CEC but similar concept). I wrote about it in another thread. She was so broke that she needed us to pay for her gas to get there. Thing is, the way she talked it was about what her daughter’s friends’ party were like and what other parents did and “my daughter will hate me” if I don’t do this. IMO the daughter and her friends would have been completely satisfied just to hang out, play games and eat pizza and cake and ice cream and drink cokes. In other words, the expensive party was more about the mother than the child.
I find it sad that some people think about it this way.
The invitation to a wedding or birthday celebration is to share in the joy of a significant life occasion, not an offer to provide food etc. in exchange for a gift. If those involved (and/or their families) want to spend money on this or that to make it a bigger deal – or not spend much and keep it simple – that’s their choice and their responsibility.
The giving of a gift is an expression of gladness and affection for the feted person/people, not an admission ticket to a party.
I feel sorry for those who parse these out on a ledger.
This is 110% about the parents choice. No kid is “deciding” where and how their birthday party will be held. They are supplicants to their parents will on this issue. I can’t see doing the venue model of a kids birthday party if you don’t have the funds to pay for it and are looking for people to pay entrance fees. It’s just (to me) bad form.
Having said this that’s just me. If there are scenarios where people do not have residences or yards big enough for a largish party maybe that’s the only option although in those situations community centers and similar will often make space available for free. So different strokes etc.
I personally don’t see the big deal. If I want to do X for my birthday doesn’t mean I am able or willing to spend 10x the cost of that activity to do it with my friends. I don’t see why that logic shouldn’t apply for children too.
Do people follow this rule for themselves? Like if you have a birthday dinner, activity, or thing at a bar do you pick up the entire tab?
I should point out in the OP I admitted I didn’t know if the restaurant in question was a Chuck E. Cheese’s I just used that name in my thread title to attract posters to the thread. Proceed!
I was replying to someone who suggested the hosting parent just provide a few tokens to the invited guests and expect the parents of the guests to provide additional tokens. My point is that you really can’t do that at Chuck E Cheese, that each child is going to cost you twelve bucks (or so, the cost varies depending on the location).
By the way, I actually worked at Chuck E Cheese in the summer of 1984, just before my freshman year of college. At the time, I think it was five bucks per child for a party.
Do adults really do that - actually invite other people to a restaurant to celebrate their own birthday? I’ve seen a whole bunch of things close to that- a group that regularly goes out letting the “birthday boy” pick the restaurant and everyone pays for themselves, or everyone else chips in a little extra to pay for him , or they get a cupcake with a candle at their regular Saturday dinner out , or the birthday boy suggests getting together for dinner with no mention of a birthday until someone tells the servers so they can sing " Happy Birthday". But those things are only close- I have never seen someone approach his or her friends and say something that remotely sounds like an invitation to celebrate his/her birthday. The only birthday celebrations for adults I’ve seen with actual invitations (not necessarily written) are milestone birthday parties hosted by other adults ( siblings, spouse/SOs or adult children ) and the hosts always pay for them.
I’m with FairyChatMom - if you invite someone someplace, you pay. There are a whole lot of things that aren’t actually invitations , that generally start off with something like “A bunch of us are…” or the fact that it’s not an invitation may be understood by members of the same social group ( if a coworker says "let’s get lunch, it doesn’t mean he/she is paying) but certainly by the point where there is an actual written, emailed or Facebook invitation , the host is supposed to pay. If you want to throw a party, then you throw the party you can afford. And if you don’t have a residence or a yard big enough for a large party , and there aren’t any parks or community centers you can use, then you have a small party. And if your home or budget is so small you can’t afford to have your kid’s three best friends over for pizza and cupcakes, then maybe you can’t afford any party.
Well, I would if I ever said something like “Let’s (do something) Friday to celebrate my birthday.” But it wouldn’t even occur to me to ever add “to celebrate my birthday”.
But some things are different with when children are participating without their parents. If I made plans to go to the beach with my friend, I didn’t expect to provide her lunch. If we made plans for both of us to go with our kids , I didn’t expect to provide lunch for her and her kids, But if I invited my daughter’s friend to the beach with my family, I certainly didn’t expect her to bring her own lunch.
