I'm having a birthday party for my kid at Chuck E. Cheese's: 12 BUCKS!!!

In My Humble Opinion
1

Actually, I’m not sure this is the venue, but this came across my Facebook newsfeed it goes something like this:

Apparently a mother is having a birthday party for her kid at a local restaurant, and in the invitation, asks the parents to have their kids bring $12 each to help with the bill. The mother who got the invite posted outrage on Facebook, thinking it is rude and obnoxious to ask a kid to bring money or charge them to attend a birthday party for someone else. Another parent also chimed in claiming she recently got dinged $25! They both question why if a parent cant afford a restaurant birthday bash for their little brat, not just have a birthday party at home?

On the other hand, a responder asked if it was really that big a deal to spend $12-25 since after all, the big day was about the other parents kid, not you. Not every parent is Rockefeller, and all they are trying to do is have a nice day for their kid on their birthday. Suck it up, pay the sawbuck or just don’t go.

Now, its not something I would do. In my circle of friends its perfectly acceptable to host a party, provide the booze, but encourage friends to bring a dish. That is what I would do if I was holding a birthday party form my spawn and couldn’t afford the $100-500 to rent a room at Bratapalooza.

If I was invited and was asked send cash with my kid, if I was close enough to the parent Id do it, but its not something I would ask other parents to do.

I don’t know, Dopers, where do you stand on this? Have you ever been asked to help pay for a birthday party? Have you ever asked other parents to do so? Is this becoming common practice?

2

Ain’t no shame if those are the economic realities. If you can’t afford a hundred or couple of hundred bucks for your child to go out, then why not? Think about it this way, my kid wants to do Chuck E Cheese for their birthday, but the only way it works is if it’s dutch treat. As a parent that wants the best for my kid, I try to make it work.

Party at home is a bit challenging if you’re ashamed of your home, or it’s shared, or if it isn’t “safe” for all the kids.

$12 to take my kid off my hands for a few hours of bday party madness and a meal - that’s a bargain. :wink:

3

I’m only a Gen-Xer but back in my day… :mad:

Friends birthday parties were at the kid’s house and the only thing you were expected to bring was a gift. Nowadays I’ve heard that the parents throwing the party, along with the usual fun & games and food & cake, are expected to give each kid-guest a ‘gift bag’ when they leave?! Like a kid’s birthday is the freakin’ Oscars or something!

Having said that, if the party is at a restaurant, that’s an extra treat for the kids (good food, ball pits, video games, evilFNAFcostumed characters etc.) so I see nothing wrong with asking for a donation. And $12 is incredibly inexpensive. Woman had absolutely no right to complain about that…

4

It seems a bit tacky. If you can’t afford Chuck E Cheese and don’t want to have a party at home then call the city and reserve a pavilion at the park for a trivial fee and have the party from 1-4pm when no one is expecting a meal. Get decorations and party favors at the dollar store and bake a mix cake at home. You have the whole party for like $30 and if the other kids stubbornly refuse to enjoy it then they suck and you don’t want your kids hanging out with them anyway.

5

As the father of a soon-to-be-5-year-old… it’s not that bad. You take a gift, the kid gets a “party bag” which contains a piece of birthday cake, some sweets and a few little toys (bottle of bubble mixture, stickers, that kind of thing). You can buy the bags, ready filled, from any party shop and they’re pretty cheap. We’re not talking Oscar-level trinketry here :slight_smile:

But yeah, asking guests to pay is not on. Do something you can afford. I’ve been to a couple of parties where parents have been welcome to join in on the understanding that the kids would be catered for, but parents could pay their own way, which I think is fair enough.

6

When you are hosting a party, you are HOSTING a party. That is, you are paying for it. If you can’t afford it, then you don’t do it. PERIOD.

It’s tacky.

Either invite fewer guests or pick a cheaper venue.

Besides, I know way too many parents who went all out for their kids parties, some even skipping the rent that month so they could give their kid a nice party.
You know what they have to show for it, spoiled, entitled brats who have no concept of money. Their kids are horribly obnoxious.

It doesn’t hurt to say ‘no’ sometimes, or to teach your kid that there isn’t enough money for everything they want.

I know too many parents who won’t say they can’t afford something because they are afraid their kids won’t love/admire/respect/whatever them.
I know a man who ended up homeless because he could never say ‘no’ to his kids. Lot of good that is doing them now. I know a couple who spent thousands on a kid’s party while complaining that they don’t have enough money to for a new roof. I know two people who were almost evicted because they spent the rent money on a party.

That is fucked up in so many ways, and is not the lesson you should be passing on to your children.

If you can’t afford it, then you don’t do it. And you don’t get to pass the cost on to other people.

7

I wouldn’t do it, I’d think that it was kind of tacky for someone else to do it but, if it happened, I’d base my response on my own kid. Party he’s jazzed up to attend or a good friend of his? Pay the $15 and keep my mouth shut (or snark quietly to my wife). Random “Hey, Sam’s some kid in my class who gave these to everyone”? Eh, maybe we have other things to do that Saturday.

Regarding the gift bags, it’s nothing really new. Party favors have been sold at stores forever, the only difference now is putting them in a little baggie rather than decorating the table. It’s the same cheap plastic cars, parachuting army men, fake lipstick, plastic rings, etc.

8

Wait, there’s a slice of birthday cake in the gift bag? How does that work?

And I’m old enough to remember when kids’ birthday parties were at home instead of at a place like Chuck E Cheese. I also remember when people didn’t charge others an admission fee to a party.

9

Meh, a beer in a nice restaurant in DC costs almost $12.

10

As others pointed out, from how I was raised, it seems off to expect other kids to pay anything. Maybe if it’s at Chuck E Cheese’s, you only provide a small number of game tokens and adivse the parents that if they want their kid to have a few more, they can give them a few extra bucks for a few more games. On the farther end, as a kid, I’d even been to a party at an amusement park, my parents had to foot the ticket for the park, but the party itself provided all the food and drinks and, IIRC, even gave us a couple “skip the line” tickets that were paid for as part of the party. I don’t think most parents would expect that such a party should provide free admittance to an amusement park. If I had kids, I probably would never do anything like the latter and just, instead, organize a day that isn’t a party, per se, but just invite his friends’ families to all go together or something.

That all said, I generally agree that hosting a party means that costs are covered. If one can’t afford it, then don’t do it, it’s unreasonable to expect other parents to foot the bill for you. What if his best friend’s parents can’t afford it, does he just not get to come? Besides, below a certain age, kids aren’t really going to even remember much, it’s probably as much or more for the parents, at which point doing it at home makes more sense. And above a certain age, I think a kid should be mature enough to understand that he can’t have everything he wants and there’s a choice between an expensive party or expensive gifts, he can’t have both, and let him decide which one is more important to him.

Hell, when I was young enough to really look forward to Chuck E Cheese’s, sure I enjoyed it, but I don’t feel deprived for the parties that were on the cheap at home, because my friends and family still came and we had fun playing running around, with water guns and water baloons, or playing games at home, which is actually a fonder memory than popping quarters in an arcade game or playing in the ball pit, as we could do that more or less whenever, but how often could I really have all my closest friends and family together?

If one wants to spoil one’s kids, I don’t agree, but that’s their choice, but it’s just unnecessary to do expensive parties, and it just seems wrong to do so at the expense of other kids’ parents.

11

I received a goody bag when I attended birthday parties as a child, and remember giving them out at my parties in the 1950s, so they’re not new. They certainly weren’t elaborate, maybe some candy, a small trinket or something, and a balloon, but they definitely existed.

I wouldn’t have a party and have the guests pay. Have it at a park if you can’t afford a restaurant, or if you don’t want it at home . Have a cake and maybe ice cream. That’s all you need.

12

Tacky, as others have said.

You know, my daughters were invited to 5 or 6 birthday parties last month, including 3 on the same weekend. So, at least $60, just to have the honour of attending one of their classmates’ birthday parties, not even taking the gifts for the kid into account? Just no.

13

I just checked the Chuck E Cheese in the town where I grew up; a kid’s party starts at $14/child and goes up to $24/child (with an intermediate option). So the $12/child in the OP represents all or most of the mandatory charge from the restaurant.

14

…on your dime.

I’m in the “if you can’t afford to pay for this unnecessary level of entertainment, do something else that fits your budget” camp.

15

If someone invites me to dinner, orders me a beer and then asks me for $12, that’s also tacky.

16

That runs the risk of kids whose parents don’t give them extra money, for whatever reason, having their nose rubbed in the sight of other kids getting to play more than they do. I don’t think a birthday party is the time or place for that.

17

Maybe it’s a difference between social groups? I know my brother and sister-in-law seem to have relatively expensive birthday parties for my nephews, because it’s how their friend groups have birthday parties for their kids and so that’s just what seems normal. I don’t know how much they spend, I just know they do them at various venues and have decorations and such and spend a lot more than my parents did on throwing backyard birthday parties for me and my brother when we were little, but times have changed.

If the mother is in a social group where everyone throws parties like this and invitees pay their own way, then the invitation is less egregious. Still not 100% cool in my opinion, especially if she’s inviting people outside of that social group who aren’t used to it and then its causing offense, but it’d be more understandable. But if all her friends have cheap parties and she’s the only one throwing an expensive one and expects others to pay, then that’s worse.

Or, I wonder if all the kid’s friends have expensive parties but their parents are richer and can pay for it. If that’s the case I feel some sympathy for the kid and the parents.

18

On one hand, it’s not any different from when an adult invites his pals out to a restaurant to celebrate his birthday. Maybe his closest friend pays his tab, but everyone else is expected to cover their costs. Not a big deal.

But on the other hand, the social dynamics of kids is totally different. I know when I was a kid, someone’s birthday party could be the talk of the town for a long time. Attendance at someone’s birthday party establsihed whether you were a real friend or not. Adults (mature ones, at least) don’t take it to heart when a friend can’t attend their party. But kids kinda do. The customary gift is already a bit of a burden for a strapped family. But a cover charge on top of that? I could see it being a big deal for some people.

I would hope your average kid wouldn’t be asked to pony up to attend all his friends’ parties. But if it’s just one or two who do this, it’s not that outrageous. I’m assuming the involved parents and birthday girl/boy are understanding when the gift table isn’t as crowded, too. This would be consistent with adult birthday “unhosted” celebrations. If I’m paying for my own food, no gift for you, buddy.

19

If I invite people to a party I am holding, I don’t expect them to pay for a thing!

Also I live within my means. I don’t have parties which I can’t afford.

Furthermore I know that many people with kids are on a tight budget and can’t afford to pay for things like this. I would have consideration for them and not even think of asking them to pay for something. They JUST do not have the money! Some of these people are lacking food sometimes. I’m not kidding!

20

Gen Y here. It’s tacky and I would be seriously irritated.