Disclaimer: I’m not looking for medical advice, just looking to vent.
This is yet another night in a row where my stressed, anxious brain has triggered a panic attack. I’m in bed, after groggily brushing my teeth and having fought to stay awake the past few hours to get a few things done.
Surely, I’ll fall right to sleep after the frequent restless nights…
Nope.
I close my eyes and my mind starts to race about life (relationship is on the rocks, bills, looking for a place to live closer to work, bills…)
Then my heart starts to pound. pound. pound. Grrrrr…
I’m trying every tool in my box to calm my racing heart. After suffering years of anxiety and depression, I have gained many tools. Unfortunately none are working for the… how many nights now?!
It’s in a way funny how a healthy body can do this, and totally refuse to calm itself. I mean, I know things really aren’t that bad, and I am physically healthy (just had my annual). So can’t my logical mind control it so I can finally sleep? Grrrrrr…
Anyway, off to the doc tomorrow or the following day to see about getting me through this bump. It’s been far too many nights now where my sleep either starts with a panic attack, or ends with one at 4 in the morning (or like last night, began and ended with one yawn).
I think I’ll try sleep again. Writing this has done what my other tools couldn’t: finally calmed my racing heart.