I am the only member of management at my company today. The pres is sick and the CEO and VP are with clients. I’m ready to leave my mark. I want to start sending memos out changing company policy, in unusual and mostly evil ways. Any suggestions? My first thought was getting rid of 10 minute breakes and replacing them with 2.5 minute breaks per hour. Then maybe mandatory but prints for the employee files. I’m experiencing a loss of creativity though, must be the rain.
Now is a excellent time to start repealing all those dumb regulations you hate. 
All right, stuffy! You fire up the CD player, I’ll make the beer run.
[li] All employees must ask your personal permission before using any letters on the keyboard.[/li] "Boss, may I type an ‘r’?
“Yup.”
Each request will be accompanied a bottle of quality beer or other non-perishable consumable [to be stored for later - gotta make a stash]. You, of course, will not be doing any tangible work, since you are involved in ‘Project QWERTY’ and have a vital deadline (5:00 pm or quitting time, whichever comes first).
[li] All employees will participate in the ‘wheeled task chair’ races, taking place in the hallway. Loser buys the pizza.[/li]
All employees will answer incoming lines “Stuffinb, inc. Whaddya want now?”
Hey biggirl just bring your fav CD, we’ll send the secretary for the beer and pizza!
Saint Zero We don’t have many rules as it is, that’s why I’m creating some of my on.
Great suggestion, now if I can make it fit into the musical desk game…
Declare war on Canada.
Issue a memo instituting a mandantory underwear exchange in the lunchroom at 1:00.
Announce over the intercom that everyone is to meet in the parking lot in ten minutes for the big musical number.
Bumbazine, I love the idea of the big musical number! Just as long as it’s not done in the triangular formation that seems so popular in videos. And it should include a segment of dancing on stairs!!
stuffinb, I think that in place of Casual Friday, you should institute Unifor Friday. Just imagine - all the women in plaid jumpers with Peter Pan collars, all the men in knee pants and beanies… gets me all goose-bumpy just to think of it!
[li] If the building is more than three stories tall, hang the firehouse out the window. First employee down the hose gets his/her choice of new office area (except the prez’s office - that one is yours.[/li]
[li] Anyone requesting office supplies must do so verbally in a Donald Duck voice.[/li]
[li] Employees who do not get their reports to you (What report? Any report!) by 15 minutes before quitting time must stay after to clean all the erasable boards in the building.[/li]
[li] Anyone caught NOT making face and/or butt pictures on the copy machine has to move his/her desk next to yours.[/li]
There will be a contest for the oddest-looking family picture displayed on employees’ desks. You, of course, will get all the pictures of the good-looking family members.
you guys are good
A few draft memos:
Attention all Payroll Employees:
To go along with your attitudes, you must now drag a wooden cross during the week of payroll.
Attention all employees:
July 3rd is bring your mother-in-law to work day (for the single employees, an annoying cousin or 5 y/o will suffice)
Friday is now uniform day as proscribed by FairyChatMom
more to follow…
I like Bumbazine suggestion on the dance number too. Can anyone think of a song I could use to combine the Electric Slide, The Macarena and the Dance sequence to Time Warp ala Drew Carey?