I'm mad at my wife

Okay, here is the scenario, and it has me pissed off. I’ll get straight to it.
1…My wife shaves her face. For some STUPID reason she started this about 15 years ago. She’s 50. It started after she went to a spa, and they whatever they do with facials I don’t know what else.

She NEVER needed to start doing this. She had no more of that soft fuzz than any other woman has/had. She does it in the shower and tries to hide doing it.

2…She also plucks her eyebrows to the point that she has one small dot near the right eye. And the other is a tiny bit longer, but extremely skinny. I’m saying that it looks horrible. They were NEVER bushy eyebrows, at all. She hides doing this also, which tells me she knows that it’s not normal. I women on tv and no other women have this look. I bring it up and she gets all huffy and defensive. Can’t fathom why she does it.
I asked my therapist if I’m wrong in my thinking, and she said “no”. “You want to be attracted to your wife”. It’s almost as though she’s trying to make herself unattractive to me. But it sucks.
Your thoughts?? Do I have any right to be pissed about this. Feel free to ask any questions if needed.

No way this can be real.

It’s real, believe me. It friggen sucks.

We’re not qualified to comment on this. Talk to your therapist. Better yet, talk to your wife.

Expecting us to provide you with validation accomplishes nothing.

Your wife clearly has a problem with hair on her face. She may have a dysmorphia.

I can still ask. And there’s no talking to her. I said she gets defensive. And won’t talk

Never heard of it, but that is a possibility.

FWIW, I’ve always thought that the plucked-eyebrows, paint-on-fake-ones look was astonishingly unattractive. I don’t know who started that trend, but they need to be terminated retroactively.

Many women remove facial hair and pluck their eyebrows. If your wife is doing either in an obsessive or otherwise troubling way, there may be reason to be concerned about her mental health. I don’t understand why you’d be angry with her, though.

I think people are generally entitled to do what they choose with their own bodies (with some exceptions). If my husband were to shave his head or get a huge tattoo, I wouldn’t be thrilled. But at the end of the day it’s his body, his choice.

I hear what you are saying, but it’s embarrassing looking. The eyebrows…it’s almost like she has none left.

And yes, people can do what they want with their bodies. Shaving your head is getting more common, as are tattoos.

But not eyebrows…that’s the one that bothers me the most. She obviously knows it’s weird, otherwise she wouldn’t try to hide doing it. Or at least have a civil conversation about it.

The first one doesn’t sound that odd to me. A lot of women shave their facial hair. It’s not that unusual.

I don’t know about the second one.

Are you afraid she might have some body image issues in regards to facial hair? This doesn’t seem like something you should be angry about, but rather concerned about. I doubt she’s doing it just to piss you off, which is what your post seems to suggest you feel.

Maybe she just wants to…live free.

What drove this fashion trend? While I am not suggesting that all fashion trends need to be based on what men find attractive this trend seems to be the rule yet among my friends none of us guys find it pleasing.

This video from 1989 which features super models shows how normal eyebrows were acceptable.

New Order - Round & Round

I can relate with the OP in that super plucked brows are something that I have to look through, as it so often seems to be distracting, and to be honest freakish to me personally.

Not that it really matters but I just haven’t been able to find out what the cultural driver for this was/is.

I’m mad at your wife too now.

bro hug

Women have plucked, threaded and shaved eyebrows forever. I forget what it’s called but pulling eyebrows ( and other body hair) can be a nervous tic type thing. It’s from extreme anxiety.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUZotcMQTGw

No. It’s her face to do with as she sees fit, not yours to edit. And if she’s reluctant to discuss her grooming and beauty routines with you, I suspect it’s because of your attitude that they require your sanction.

Is the shaving a daily thing? Like full on shaving cream and the whole face? I think I saw you posted in a previous thread that you didn’t like it because it created a stubble feel or something?

I told my wife she is arching her eyebrows too much when she does them.

She looked surprised.
mmm

Accept her for her inner beauty, her weirdness. She accepts yours.

I am a woman in my 50’s, and I have a couple of comments.

I remember vividly the day I noticed with horror the fuzz all over the face of a woman friend who was 10 years older than I. Before that moment I had no idea that we grew fuzz all over our faces, and I shave mine now, after making sure there are no stray coarse black hairs under my chin which would need a prior plucking, of course. A hot shower and some creamy face moisturizer and I feel nice about myself.

Eyebrows are a fickle thing, after so much plucking the hair just doesn’t grow back. I will always have Farrah Fawcett/Charlie’s Angels eyebrows. Now, as women age, there is some strange alchemy which slowly turns our eyebrows essentially invisible*. There is a multitude of makeup products which can be used, one could even have them tattooed on, should one feel so inclined. When I go out I make sure they match the level of eye makeup I am wearing, if I am out in the yard gardening I am sure that I am virtually eyebrow-less.

I am not currently married; when I was my husband’s preferences with regard to makeup (he was pro) was taken into account. As a fisherman’s wife, he was gone often enough that it was no hardship on me to wear makeup when he was home. He was kind in his expressing his preferences which made it easy to acquiesce to. Without knowing all of the ins and outs of your marriage (and I don’t care to) I have no idea of how the two of you converse, but my gramma’s advice that one catches more flies with honey than vinegar has always done well by me.

*It is my belief that is where older men get all of that eyebrow, nose and ear hair from. :stuck_out_tongue: