I’m mad at my wife, too, but don’t have enough internet left this month to tell you about it.
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Your only input should be to tell your wife that she can do anything she likes with her body and as long as she’s still in there, you are going to be attracted to it.
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If she is doing such a lousy job on her eyebrows it may be because she has been shamed into hiding in the shower to care for them. How about you leave her alone and let her use the mirror?
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If you can swing it, maybe suggest a monthly facial/threading session for her? Turn this conflict into a loving treat. And you get the job done by someone who knows how to make the results more attractive.
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The more you pick on your wife’s appearance the worse this is going to get. When you catch sight of her, try to make the thought in your head be “There is the love of my life.” When your eyes are zeroing in on her brows or skin surface and you are thinking annoyed and grumpy thoughts, she knows. She knows and she gets even more anxious about her appearance, causing her to escalate the behaviors you don’t like.
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Make it a personal goal to compliment her every day. Try to pick positive mental or personality traits. If you must choose a body trait, make it one that indicates health - muscular arms, or a bright smile. What you feed will grow, so be careful where you place your attention.
Gato, you tickle me. I bet your wife is a saint. And…has perfect eyebrows.
When you find yourself feeling angry with her for this try to think of good things you love about her.
There are things we all have to put up with in relationships. She probably has at least a short list about you as well. Anger is not going to help. She has her reasons. Some of us shave because if we don’t, we wake up with these odd inch long fly hairs. I shave my whole face because it seems to cut down on the seborrheac dermatitis. Some women do it because it make their skin smoother. But I also started pulling out eyebrows when I was going through a particularly anxiety-ridden time of my life. They were almost all gone and what was left were lopsided. Maybe she’s shaving part to hide what she’s pulling out? I don’t know, but it sounds like something she’s struggling with and your anger is most definitely not going to help in the situation. So be kind and count your blessings.
I’m mad at your wife too. She knows why.
She puts up with your weird stuff, you should put up with hers.
Oh, please.
I could understand if the OP was saying he didn’t like this look and thought it was unnecessary. But why be mad at your wife because of how she looks? She’s not doing it to you.
Would you be mad at a neighbor or a co-worker who was grooming themselves in a manner you didn’t like? Would you get mad at a stranger you saw on the street if she had bad eyebrows?
My advice is to stop taking things so personal.
My girlfriend used to go in every couple of weeks and have her face and eyebrows threaded. They remove all the hair by rolling thread over it. I never gave her female regimens much thought to be honest.
What?
While I agree that at the end her body her choice, this is a weird take. You presumably marry your husband or wife because you are attracted to them, and clearly this is doing the opposite of attraction. And after all, his wife doesn’t have the ability to look at herself without a mirror; on the other hand all he gets to look at is her. I think this makes it worth putting your partner’s opinion into consideration - she is in fact, “doing it to him” as he’s the one who has to see her every day. (and yes, I personally do consider my husband’s opinions about my appearance before making big changes because like I said, I’M not the one who has to look at me)
She clearly has some kind of issue, and the eyebrow damage may be irreversible, so harping on it only creates more and more anxiety in her about how ugly she might think she is. It’s a delicate situation. Personally I would take the approach that you’re worried about her health (her mental health) and see if you can open her up from there. Also, the idea of gifts for spa excursions with professionals may help, as it’s an opinion that’s not yours. However, it may take some time before a professional broaches the subject that she’s wrecked her eyebrows too - or they may never. (The Customer Is Always Right kind of thing - after all, when you go to a hair salon you expect to get exactly what you ask for, and this may be no different).
Overall it sounds like she needs more love and encouragement. My best guess is she feels ugly and is overcompensating and fixating too much. Find other physical qualities about her to love and talk about so that she can be coaxed back to being more relaxed about herself. It does sound like an anxiety issue. It is common for people with unhealthy levels of anxiety to pull out hair, or even simply lose hair without any act of their own due to their stress levels.
Remember, you’re angry mostly that she isn’t talking, isn’t telling you why. And it frustrates you because you want her to be happy and beautiful, and she’s not able to communicate with you why she’s making choices you think are the opposite of that. So it’s really the communication breakdown as the core issue here - don’t frame it that you’re angry at her, personally, because that will only make her more defensive.
Trichotillomania is an actual disorder that’s estimated to affect up to 4% of the population. I’m not saying LiveFree’s wife has it or anything, that’s impossible to know, but it’s a thing.
There’s a fair amount of pressure - some subtle, some not-so-subtle - directed at women regarding their body hair and how they choose to live with it, and it starts early. Your wife’s been dealing with it most of her life. Add into that the fact that facial hair does change for women as you get older and your hormone levels start to alter, often at a time when the way you’re regarded by society as a whole starts to shift as well and you can see why she might react the way she does.
Long story short, it’s her face - she’s the one who has to wear it day in and day out, so let her be comfortable in it.
A stranger on the internet complains that his wife is doing something completely normal for western women and you, without knowing her in any way at all, diagnose her in a negative manner. This despite her not exhibiting (as far as we know) any other symptoms of dysmorphia. That “what?”
In my opinion the original post says more about the OP than it does his wife.
Well, yeah. That’s why I said ‘may have’. I have nothing to go on but the OPs discription of his wife’s behaviour. I can’t diagnose anything or anybody. It was a surmise, a weak one, but that’s all.
She said “may.” Ignoring the qualifiers and then berating the statement makes no sense whatsoever. It is actually something the OP should consider, as if it’s true his behavior and attitude are likely exacerbating the problem.
Of course it goes without saying that none of us has the full information about this woman that the OP has. That’s why we’re not storming the house with social workers and a prozac grenade. We are simply offering suggestions for the consideration of the OP, as he asked us to do.
I definitely agree with your second statement though. One can’t help feeling more empathetic toward the wife than towards the OP.
Not sure what the whiteknighting is about but the OP didn’t suggest he thought his wife was mentally ill or if we thought she was. He didn’t ask for suggestions on how to fix her. He informed us he didn’t find her look appealing and that she didn’t feel like changing for him and is he justified in being pissed off about it.
Hell, my wife is not crazy about the way I wear my hair or the way I dress sometimes but I do it anyway because I like it. She loves me anyway and as far as I know is not pissed at me because of it.
If you’re not sure what it’s about, you should avoid using the term. Its use will generally not reflect well on you.
If she likes the way it looks, there’s really nothing you can do about it that won’t make you look petty.
If she doesn’t like the way her eyebrows look, there’s microblading. I’ve had it done because my eyebrows were over-plucked and wouldn’t grow back. I’ve had tons of compliments since I’ve had it done.
I heart my eyebrows now.
I find it very interesting too. When I was young, drawing your eyebrows on was something scary old ladies did.
I can appreciate a very dramatic makeup look as “art”, but if I wanted to look attractive, I’d do something else.
Perhaps you could try addressing the issue by delivering this rant, modified as needed, of course.
The accent is mandatory, however.
Yes, daily on both. And hiding it.
I don’t like the look, and it’s totally unnecessary. Never was necessary.
It’s just frustrating. I want to be attracted to my wife. My therapist even asked if I thought she was doing it to make herself unattractive to me. That is possible.