Well, it was *mumble-mumble * years ago, and I haven’t been back since. I’d never heard of West Union till now.
So, norinew, you gonna buy a pickup truck?
Did you hear about the New 3 Million Dollar West Virginia State Lottery?
You get 3 dollars a year for a million years.
Two West Virginians in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard.
One of the men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”
The clerk asked, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”
The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-four.”
The clerk said, “All right. How long do you need them?” The customer paused for a minute and said, “I’d better go check.”
After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”
Well, I might have to. Right now, I drive a Chevy, and the West Virginiaites understand that, but my hubby drives a BMW and it drives 'em crazy because they can’t figure out how to pronounce it. . .I mean, it ain’t got no vowels. Of course, if we get a pickup truck, I guess we’ll have to put a gun rack in the back. . .it’ll be tough because all of our guns currently are handguns and don’t fit in a rack. Adjustments will have to be made.
Couple of true West Virginia stories (you couldn’t make stuff like this up!):
Some years ago, before we even lived in western Maryland (we lived in a suburb of Baltimore at the time), hubby and I decided to take a long weekend in a little town called Elkins, WV. Beautiful, beautiful place, Elkins. The inn we stayed at was gorgeous and quaint and inexpensive, and the restaurant attached to it featured, believe it or not, gourmet food. All these years later, I remember I had scallops with hibiscus sauce for dinner. But we did have some, uh, interesting encounters with West Virginia hicks (not to imply everyone who lives in WV is a hick). So here are a few of our experiences from that trip:
We wanted to go canoeing while we were there. Elkins is very close to the water. We asked the inn owner where we might rent a canoe. She looked puzzled for a minute and then said “Well, you c’n prob’ly rent a canoe in Petersburg”. So we asked two or three more people, and all we heard was “A canoe? Well, you gotta go to Petersburg if you want a canoe”. Petersburg was more than a half-hour away, and we figured it wasn’t worth the drive. So the next day, we went to see a natural rock formation in the Monongahelia State Park called Devil’s Knob. We stopped and asked for directions, and the guy at the gas station said “Well, you go three mountains and make a right. . .”. The funny thing is, we managed to get there, following those directions! Anyway, on our way to Devil’s Knob, we pass this little country store with a huge sign outside that says “Canoe Rentals”. So on our way back from Devil’s Knob (which was beautiful), we stopped at the store, and asked the clerk how much to rent a canoe. He looked at us like we were aliens or something and stated in a ‘how-dumb-can-you-possibly-be’ tone of voice “You gotta go to Petersburg if you wanna rent a canoe!” :smack:
While we were in Elkins, we decided that we would like to go to a movie. So we bought a local paper to see what was playing. The front page of the paper (front page; main article) focused on a meteor storm the previous night. The article said that a lot of local residents had gathered in a field to watch the meteor storm, but it was too cloudy to see the meteors. The article said ‘several times, residents thought they saw meteors, but twice, it was lights from an airplane, and once (I swear I’m not making this up), it was a firefly! :smack:
OK, so, first, someone was stupid enough that they couldn’t tell the difference between a meteor and a firefly, and second, they freakin’ put that stupidity on the front page of the newspaper!
Same weekend. We stop to get gas, and I decide while we’re there I’ll get a cup of coffee. The guy in the gas station says to me “you need cream or somethin’?” so I said “Do you have any Equal?” He looked at me puzzled and said “Equal? What’s that? Some kind of fake milk?!?”
More recently, I was at the apartment house collecting rent. The tenant in apt. 5 had been there for two months at the time. She was paying with a money order. Now, our last name can be difficult to spell correctly, so I wasn’t surprised when she asked me to fill in the “pay to” field; but she also asked me to finish filling in her address because she couldn’t spell the name of the street that she freakin’ lived on!:smack:
In fact, this: :smack::smack::smack:, not the satellite dish, should be the state flower.
I worked for the State of WV (for the Dept. of Culture and History – YES! WV has both!) after I got my master’s degree, and my job involved a lot of travel all over the state. I’ve been to every place mentioned in this thread so far, including Oceana.
When I was still living in WV, the Charleston newspaper ran a contest to come up with a new state motto. I think the one that won was “It’ll do.”
One more joke:
A state trooper pulls over a guy on I-79. Trooper asks the guy, “You got any ID?”
Guy says, “'Bout what?”
I have family from WV, and have spent many vacations there camping, rafting, biking, and hiking. Great place. The people can be mistrustful of outsiders, but overall they’re no better or worse than anywhere else, probably a bit better on average. Just different.
If you’re going to be Southern, y’all will have to have a rifle rack with an umbrella in it. (Pronounced “UM-brella”) Maybe it’s different in WV in 2009 versus NC in the 1980s, but all the car mounted gun racks I saw were either empty, or had an umbrella.
I’ve been to WV for skiing in the Canaan Valley area, and some other trips. I took a Chicago-DC train through WV, and a guide came on the train to give us a most interesting discussion of history and geology on our route. Beautiful state!
I’d make jokes myself, but several of the smartest people I know are from, or are now in, WV. My doctoral adviser is from Bluefield. I know a couple of the physics faculty members at WVU. The one who really takes the cake is a former co-worker. He absorbs knowledge like a sponge. I’ve seen him pick up incredibly arcane stuff in just a couple of days from a standing start. Amazing!
A man and a woman get married in Wheeling in 2005. They live in Morganton for a year in 2007, then move to Pittsburgh, where they get divorced in 2009. All property is communal property, and no adultery was involved in the decision to divorce. Under West Virginia Family Law, are the man and woman still considered brother and sister?
My father’s family was from Mannington, which doesn’t look to be too far from West Union. But Mannington was a major metropolis compared to West Union!
I haven’t been back to West Virginia in way too long. Nice people, relaxed pace, pretty scenery.
Morgantown native here. norinew, count me in for any Dopefest - I’d love an excuse to go back for the weekend.
Your stories triggered the following tale which I think will enlighten people to the WV state of mind…
When I was about 20, I was dating a girl (“B”) who lived in a tiny town in the hills about 10 miles from Morgantown. One night, my band had a gig, and a buddy (“M”) agreed to pick up “B” and a friend of hers (a blind date for him) and bring them to the gig. My buddy had talked to “B”, who said she’d be waiting in front of a bar called Augie’s. “M” drove to the small town and explored it several times before concluding there was no bar there called Augie’s.
Finally, he noted two girls standing in front of a bar with a sign identifying it as “Earle’s”. He approached and said he was F.U.'s buddy, and asked if they were “B” and her friend. They were.
“M” asked why they weren’t waiting in front of Augie’s.
“B” replied that this was Augie’s.
Puzzled, “M” glanced at the sign. “The sign says, “Earle’s””.
Morgantown had a terrific zombie-walk last year that I was proud to shuffle through muttering “brains”. Brains were hard to find so I settled for wings at the Buffalo. It’s a great college town. Especially if you have an old couch or love seat around you don’t want very much. For all the jokes, given a chance at employment there, I would head to WV like a shot. Camden Park and lots of stuff that reminds me of my youth 50 years ago.
Since someone else did the bar exam one I feel safer posting this one -
What does the Unabomber have in common with most of the girls in West Virginia?
Of course, if we get a pickup truck, I guess we’ll have to put a gun rack in the back. . .it’ll be tough because all of our guns currently are handguns and don’t fit in a rack. Adjustments will have to be made.
Anyway, on our way to Devil’s Knob, we pass this little country store with a huge sign outside that says “Canoe Rentals”. So on our way back from Devil’s Knob (which was beautiful), we stopped at the store, and asked the clerk how much to rent a canoe. He looked at us like we were aliens or something and stated in a ‘how-dumb-can-you-possibly-be’ tone of voice “You gotta go to Petersburg if you wanna rent a canoe!” 
:smack: