Florida - Where old people go to die.
California - We’re crazy, crazy I tell you.
New York - Not just a city anymore.
South Carolina - First to secede.
Texas - Fuck off.
Wisconsin - Smell Our Dairy Air
Minnesota - 10,000 Lakes and A Few Weirdos
Montana - At Least Our Cows Are Sane
Indiana - We Don’t Need Smart People Anyway
Pennsylvania Where even the Amish deal drugs
Mississipi Five million people, 12 surnames.
Alabama Thank God we’re not Mississippi.
Kansas. It’s boxy, but it’s safe.
North Dakota. Hey, at least we’re not South Dakota!
South Dakota. Hey, at least we’re not North Dakota!
Arkansas - You Got a Purty Mouth, Boy
Nebraska - For God, Corn and College Football
Connecticut - NYC’s Biggest Suburb
Nevada - Home to Whores and Gambling and Proud of It!
Idaho - Enough About the Potatoes Already!
Oregon - Marching proudly into the 19th century!
Or
Oregon - Going out of business sale! - Everything must go!
Texas - The Execution State
Oregon - The “We Hate Californians” State
Vermont - Moo.
By the way, how were researchers able to confirm for sure that the toothbrush was invented in Arkansas?
Because if it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a teethbrush.
West Virginia - Now With Indoor Plumbing
Tennessee - If You Don’t Like Country Music, You Can Get the Hell Out
Washington - Starbucks Uber Alles
Virginia Is For Lepers
Alaska - Please send women.
North Dakota - We don’t all talk like the people in the movie Fargo.
New Mexico - No, you don’t need a passport to come here.
Florida - Fark mocks us. Come see why.
I’m pretty sure that honor goes to New Jersey.
Wyoming - Now with 25% fewer wackos
Colorado - There’s other stuff to do besides ski…wait, never mind.
New York - There’s a whole freakin’ state here!
Maine - Ya cahn’t get thah from heah
New Jersey: A Great Place To Be* From.
Far Away
New York–Fuhgeddaboudit.
Pennsylvania–Even the Potholes have Potholes.
Maryland - the state north of DC
Since I think it’s unfair to mock states where I have not lived, here’s my collection of rejected Florida mottos:
10. Big mosquitos, Bigger roaches
** 9. E Cubanum, Miami**
** 8. Topless Models, what more do you want? **
** 7. English? We don’t need no stinking English!**
** 6. Here even Granny drives like a maniac**
** 5. White powder everywhere, and sandy beaches too**
** 4. An alligator in every pool**
** 3. More sunburned tourist than any other state**
** 2. More hanging chads than Pat Buchanan voters**
** 1. Our politicians aren’t just corrupt, they’re incompetent too!**
On preview, that looks more like a Letterman top 10 list. Oh well.
Ohio - The Blackout starts here!
Rhode Island - Check out our state quarter!
Arizona – The only state with a ‘z’ in the name.
Hawaii – It’s like an island that is in the Pacific that is right here.
(according to Dan Quayle)