Okay, roomies…guess what? I didn’t come to college to play Cinderella.
I’m the one who constantly vacuums the suite. I also am the one that takes out the trash in my room and the bathroom. I also am the one who wipes off the bathroom counters, cleans the bathroom floor, and gets the clumps of hair that clog the drain out.
What the fuck? How on earth do I manage to do well in all my classes, to perform with the theatre department, have a social life, and CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR NASTY SELVES?! I’m not Superwoman, I’m just damned nice.
I’ve asked you all very very VERY nicely to please vacuum or empty the trash when it needs it, but do you do it? Noooooooo.
Suitemates: You collected cans to be recycled in the bathroom until I could’ve sworn I was peeing in the junkyard. So I crushed ALL those cans for you AND took them to the recycling bin down the hall, which is all of ten steps you couldn’t take.
Roommate: You have this bad habit of leaving food in the fridge unopened until it spoils or gets moldy and then have the audacity to yell at me when I throw it away. You also BARFED all over the place on Friday. Who cleaned it up? Not you, you fucking spoiled princess. Not your mom, who showed up to take you home. Oh no. I cleaned it up because I didn’t want to live in Puke Palace.
I also don’t appreciate the note whoever left on the bathroom door that said, “Whoever made the big mess, clean it up.” WE ALL MADE THE BIG MESS, YOU CUMDUMPSTERS! But who always cleans it up? Me.
And a nice little note to whoever dumped all the glass shards in the trashcan: When I find out which one of you did it, you will be eating these glass shards for dinner. And after you vomit them back up, I will use them for suppositories…because someone failed to mention they were in the trash and they cut through the bag and now I have nice cuts on my hand and finger from it.
So fuck you, you spoiled bitches. I don’t fucking care how hard your classes are or how much you miss home or how much you hate the room so you have to stay out all the time. PITCH IN AND HELP. Otherwise, I’ll take all the dust bunnies and hair clumps dripping with sludge and food remains and used tampons and I will DUMP THEM ON YOUR BEDS and CRUSH THEM INTO YOUR SHEETS.
Thank you. That is all.