I'm pregnant!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m pregnant! 17 weeks along, as of this past Monday. We had a CVS (I’m over 35), and we know the baby is a chromosomally normal girl. All indications so far are that she is healthy. She’s due on August 13. This is the first child for Mr Neville and me. I haven’t felt her move yet, but I don’t expect to for a while. My OB tells me my placenta is in the front, I’m a bit overweight, and this is my first pregnancy- I’ve heard that all of those can make you feel movements later rather than earlier.

I haven’t been here much lately, because I’ve been feeling the morning sickness (seems to be mostly gone now, thankfully) and pregnancy exhaustion (still with me, but not as bad as it was). I’ve mostly been going to work, doing the errands and chores that absolutely positively need to be done, and spending most of the rest of my time collapsed in bed.

I’d love to hear any of your baby advice, since most people here are smart, levelheaded people. I’ve been avoiding most parenting boards, because of some of the horror stories I’ve heard here about them. I’m particularly interested in books you found helpful, since I’m an introvert who likes to read and I don’t have many friends with young kids. My friends with young kids are more likely to be dads than moms, since I do most of my socializing at work, and I work in the very male-dominated field of IT. Not that I’m averse to hearing from dads, but I know it is just not the same.

Now for the absolute non-negotiables. I am getting drugs when I give birth in the hospital (as soon and as much as they will give me), I am getting a C-section if my OB thinks that is what is best for me and/or the baby, I consider any birth that results in a healthy mother and child an unqualified success, I am going to try to breast-feed, we’re using disposable diapers, we are going to be raising our daughter Conservative Jewish, she will be keeping kosher unless she decides for herself when she’s older that she doesn’t want to, she will be getting the recommended vaccinations on the recommended schedule, we are keeping the Neville kitties if at all possible, and we’re not planning to co-sleep (with the baby- the cats can sleep where they like, although I plan to get a crib tent to keep them out of the crib). I snore and tend to thrash around when I’m asleep (I have accidentally hit Mr. Neville in the head a couple of times while asleep), and I figure co-sleeping is for people who sleep more quietly than I do. The cats seem able to tolerate the snoring, though they are more likely to sleep on Mr. Neville’s side of the bed than on mine (I suspect this is because he moves around less than I do). I’m not particularly interested in being talked out of any of those positions. You probably see now why I’m not interested in a lot of parenting boards…

I’m also interested in scientific evidence for or against various parenting practices. I’m trying to make that, rather than what “everybody knows” or what feels right, my guide. For example, I’m not drinking alcohol or eating ahi tuna sushi during pregnancy, and I’ve limited my caffeine intake to less than 200 mg per day, because there is good scientific evidence that those can cause harm. But I’m not cutting out caffeine entirely (even if that were possible for me, which I suspect it is not) or avoiding artificial sweeteners, because there isn’t any good evidence that those things are actually harmful.

I’m not averse to the idea of parenting boards, just not interested in hearing how terrible any of our non-negotiables are or getting into flame wars over them. Nor am I interested in hearing a lot of anti-scientific woo. If anyone knows of parenting boards where those ideas wouldn’t be unwelcome, I would be interested.

2

Congrats! I’ll be 22 weeks tomorrow, so just a bit ahead of you. Waiting to feel him move was frustrating - for weeks every little twitch or gas pain had me going “Was that him? Was that what it’s supposed to feel like?” It’s only in the last two or three weeks that I’ve been able to feel what is undeniably him, and to start to recognize his schedule. [Note: if you’re prone to worry as I am, don’t freak out too much if you feel him move a lot one day, then not much the next. As you get further along you should be able to feel your daughter move every day, but at first it will be more sporadic. My son took a weekend off after a really wiggly couple of days, and I damn near had a panic attack.]

Other than congrats, I’m mostly just posting because I’m really interested in hearing the responses you get. I also have very few friends with babies / little kiddos, and would love to hear more research-based information on baby best practices.

And do tell if you find a non-insane parenting board. Every so often I get the urge to visit one, and find myself tearing my hair out at the stupid within minutes.

3

First off…CONGRATS!

I didn’t feel Slim start moving around until around 20 weeks or so…and even then until around 24 wks or so, it was more of a flutter than anything else. After that it was like, “Gar! Do you EVER sleep in there?” because he was moving CONSTANTLY.

I really hope everything goes smoothly for you. :slight_smile:

*edited to add–when I was preggers with Slim, I read “The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy” strictly because it was the same book Rachel read on “Friends”. Turned out to be a pretty good book…very informative but also funny as hell. :slight_smile:

OH…and if you’re still interested in doing the Horizontal Monkey with the hubs, I’d do it while you’re still in the mood to do so, before you get so ginormous it’s uncomfortable and you’re too tired to make happy fun sexy tiems. :slight_smile:

4

If you look up “worrier” in the dictionary, I think my picture is there.

I love the “Girlfriends Guide”. Very interested in books similar to that. I have avoided “What to Expect” because I’ve heard that book tends to make people panic, and I do enough of that on my own, thankyouverymuch.

5

Well, congratulations to you both.

I would wish for you that ‘Heaven’s Finest Blessing Should Shower Down Upon You!’, but it seems they are about to.

I don’t have a lot of advice for you, except feel really free to take or leave whatever doesn’t strike you as, for you. Just remind yourself that zillions of women before you, and still, have babies and raise them successfully doing little more that feeding them and showering them with love.

I think the best advice for new Mom’s is that baby’s don’t really need so many things. Not 25 stuffed animals, not toys they won’t use for years yet, ‘not collections’, not technology, for several years what they need is you. And you’ll be less stressed if you’re not worried about painting your nursery and buying things. It’s seductive like drugs and tv.

So many homes with children become chaos because of too much stuff. Having a tv always on is hardly noticed in such an environment. People are then stunned whey Johnny gets attention deficit issues and can’t focus. My personal WAG is that, in years ahead they may find that too much stimulation during those formative years is actually damaging, if it’s all stuff, instead of people.

I’m just say, take it easy on stuff and make it easier on everyone in your household for the busy few years ahead. You don’t have to tell the givers, just spirit it away to a community drop box, keeping what you fancy and what’s truly age appropriate.

Homes with babies and toddlers that are not packed with toys, noise, and chaos are a joy to behold and a pleasure to encounter. Families just seem more joyful, and have time with each other.

But as I said, take or leave anything that doesn’t jump out at you. And I wish you both the very best of luck in the exciting years ahead!

6

Congratulations to both of you! As a new mom myself, both of my youngest girls born after age 40, I’d say you’re off to a good start: you seem to be taking a realistic view of your pregnancy and your parenting goals (and limitations.) I don’t know of any non-crazy parenting boards… they may exist, but so might Bigfoot. I haven’t seen evidence of either. The only really solid advice I can offer is that you trust yourself and that you not use phrases like “I’d never” or “I will always…” You will do whatever keeps you and baby and Mr. Neville sane and operational.

Oh, and don’t keep the house totally quiet. Turn on a radio or a white noise machine or an exhaust fan. Trust me.

And elbows is right: you needs surprisingly few things for a new baby. A crib, a carseat, diapers and nightgowns. A bouncy chair is nice, and so is a baby swing. Have a couple of pacifiers on hand - I needed them for those first couple of days before my milk came in. It’s way easier to have them and not need than to wait until you’re sore and exhausted and crying before sending your frantic husband on a midnight mission to find them.

And Mylicon is a lifesaver…

7

Congratulations! ! ! !

Re: breast feeding and not co-sleeping: I had a bassinet with a droppable side which attached to the side of the mattress. It was the best of both worlds IMHO. I could put my arm around her if she fussed, and she’d often just drop off again. If she woke up hungry I didn’t even have to stand, just sit up, grab her and we were off. But no risk of whacking or squishing due to the nice sturdy wall in between us.

I recommend shopping the dollar stores for some good plastic water bottles. You want something with a wide opening, so it can go in the dishwasher, and plastic so that you can freeze it. The reason: You’ve never known thirst until the first time that child latches on to breast feed. You’d swear there was a direct link to your saliva glands! I’d fill the water bottles 3/4 full, and then put them in the freezer. Before bed, fill one up the rest of the way with water and leave beside the pillow. Voila! Fresh cool water right on time for those mid-night feedings!

It is impossible to underestimate the number of cloth diapers you need. Not for diapering. For soaking up drool and spit-up. Have at least three dozen on hand, you’re gonna use 'em.

Amazon is a dream come true for disposable diapers and such. Having them delivered to your door makes an enormous difference. And doing any 25 minute shopping will now take at least two hours, trust me. Not that it isn’t nice to get out of the house now and then, but disposables have a way of running out at the most inopportune moments. (see cloth diaper req above. :wink:

Also, get two extra sets of crib sheets and water-proof fitted sheet. When you make the bed, make it twice: water-proof, sheet, waterproof, sheet. That way if the diaper leaks or there’s a blow-out in the night, you just pull the top two off, and have a clean set ready to go.

8

I am lazy and do not really want to paint the nursery. I am saying I am not doing it because of possible harm to the baby from volatile organic compounds in paint. But the truth is, it’s work, and I don’t want to do it. Stuff that doesn’t absolutely have to get done generally isn’t getting done these days, at least not by me. I might even wait till she’s old enough to have an opinion of her own on the color of the walls in her room, which should buy me a few more years of procrastination on painting the walls. Never put off till tomorrow what you can put off till next week, that’s what I always say.

I don’t really want to go shopping for stuff, either. I’m tired most of the time, so any shopping that happens tends to be for stuff that has to be bought (shopping trips to anywhere that is not the grocery store or Costco are pretty rare these days). I figure I will stick with the essentials or stuff Mr. Neville or I have strong opinions on, and let relatives pick up the slack. Even with my very limited experience with people with babies, it seems they generally do that.

I know from personal experience that kids don’t need “collections”. I have an uncle who liked to buy collectible stuff for me when I was little. I remember thinking, “what is the point of dolls if you can’t play with them?” I still haven’t figured that one out. If you want to give the baby stuff that will increase in value, I prefer mutual funds or deposits in interest-bearing savings accounts.

9

Congratulations! Dad here, so not much I can say about the pregnancy thing. Weight- and age-wise, though, you’re in the same place as my wife when she first got pregnant a few years ago, too. As I expect you’re fully aware, both factors put you (and her) at higher risk for gestational diabetes. If you do end up with GD (as my wife did), please post. My wife was not only GD but became temporarily lactose intolerant, so it was more than a bit of a hassle finding things to eat. I have an e-mail somewhere that she sent to a GD co-worker of mine with ideas.

Dawn dishwashing soap works pretty well on spit-up stains, especially when combined with an Oxyclean treatment.

I’ve posted this before, and it’s completely stupidly obvious, unless it’s not: Dad needs to know how the car seat works before he gets to the hospital, because some of its workings may not be as obvious as you might expect. The hospital parking garage at check-out time is not the time to figure out how to separate the bucket from the base. It’s easy to do as soon as you know how, but may not be immediately obvious when you haven’t slept for two nights and have your new family waiting inside for you to come back with the bucket. [Ours was installed by someone else, when I wasn’t there. After the subsequent two months until the birth plus the aforementioned two sleepless nights plus the stress of labor and delivery, my wife’s memory of the mechanism, as relayed to me, was wrong in about every respect.]

It is APPALLING how quickly the tiny newborn stage passes. Take as many mental snapshots of the whole feel of holding a brand new baby as your sleep-deprived mind will allow.

10

We didn’t paint or decorate a nursery with either of them. Hell, we didn’t HAVE a nursery for my first. The lack of violet paint with coordinating crib sheet/wall hanging/window treatment/ lampshade/ mobile/ wipe warmer/ nose picker did not harm either of my kids as far as I can tell.

Congratulations to the Nevilles and the…ways!

11

Congratulations!

No kids here, so no pregnancy/child-raising advice, but I can vouch for the usefulness of cloth diapers as rags. They’re just the right size and perfect for just about any cleaning job you can think of. My family used them for years while I was growing up, long after us kids had outgrown the diapering part.

12

I have heard about using cloth diapers as burp cloths, at least. I plan to have a few on hand for such purposes.

I’m very well aware of the possibility of gestational diabetes. I’m really hoping I don’t get it- low-carb diets and my screwed-up brain chemistry do not work at all well together.

13

To decorate without painting: http://www.fathead.com/home-decor-graphics/polka-dots/ there are some cute thing sint he Disney section too.

Aso, I really liked my breathable crib bumper: http://www.amazon.com/BreathableBaby-Breathable-Safer-Bumper-Cribs/dp/B0013FGWD0 Celtling always slept with her head against the side. this way she didn’t get dents in her forehead, and I didn’t have to worry she’d run out of air.

14

I will. I really hope I don’t. But, if I did, I’m sure I’d eat as many carbs as I was allowed to, would do as little food tracking as I could get away with, and would bitch and moan about it. But I’d do it. Sort of like I’ve done with cutting down to 200 mg of caffeine per day. That has been one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life so far (yes, I’ve found it harder than getting degrees in astronomy and physics). I’ve been addicted to caffeine since I was 14 (high school starting at 7:30am and my body clock do not do well together). I’m now keeping it to 2 24-oz bottles of Diet Pepsi a day, one when I’m driving in to work, one when I’m driving home. I do this because I’m sure falling asleep at the wheel would not be good for the baby. I generally feel pretty tired in the afternoons, and really wish I could have some caffeine. On weekends, I keep my caffeine consumption to what’s needed to keep the headaches away. But I tell you, when I’m done breastfeeding, I am getting a trenti Frappucino, maybe two, and nobody better be foolish enough to try to stop me.

If they have self-installing wall decorations, then sure. But the problem with painting is actually the work it would require on my part. I’m not crazy about the idea of climbing on ladders now, either. I’m a total klutz at the best of times, and I’ve got more to lose if I fall now than I would normally. And I would be embarrassed to have to tell the OB that I fell trying to decorate the nursery.

15

Aw cool! Congratulations! You seem to already know the good stuff from your non-negotiables list. The only advice I wish I’d followed with my last pregnancy was DO NOT EAT FOR TWO. And do some sort of OB-approved exercise, at least walking. It’ll give you strength for after. . . or so I’ve heard. I’ve had pregnancy laziness for the past 23 years!

16

Congrats! What would you have done if she WASN’T chromosonally normal? Not accusing,just genuinely curious.

17

Congratulations! Hope all goes well, and that you welcome your happy, healthy daughter to the world in mid-August or thereabouts, right on schedule.

FWIW, and YMMV, my wife found What to Expect When You’re Expecting very helpful.

18

Congratulations! Sending out good luck thoughts!

19

The baby books I recommend are the Girlfriend’s Guide series, Dr. Spock, and a new one called Bringing Up Bebe. You may also enjoy the Baby Whisperer and Happiest Baby On The Block.

I strongly recommend you do not bother with Dr. Sears who is a misogynist asswipe, the What To Expect series which has unreasonably high expectations, or any book about getting babies to sleep (except the two mentioned above).

If breastfeeding goes pear-shaped you are going to be in a pickle. It will go pear-shaped while you are in an emotionally fragile state and every source of advice will scare you and make you make you feel guilty. Prepare for this, decide who you will turn to for support if there are problems, decide at what point you will give up if there are problems, and make sure your support team is, well, supportive of that. This means communicating with them BEFORE the baby is born.

I had a front placenta, too. I think it’s really a blessing. You’ll be able to feel enough movement to make you happy, but you’re less likely to be kept awake at night.

We also did not co-sleep with our daughter (heck, we didn’t even co-sleep with each other until she started doing her nights). She has slept alone in her room in her crib every night since we brought her home. When the baby doesn’t know there is an alternative, the baby doesn’t mind.

20

They know what causes that now!! :smiley:

Congrats!!