I'm quitting smoking, too.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
141

I know that I’m getting back to this after a long delay, but I was just going too crazy, and I needed a break.

All I know is that I’m drawn to smoking more than I am comfortable with. Like last night, I was walking home from the bar, and while waiting at a stop light for the walk signal, the person next to me lit one up. And I was pleased with the smell. I wanted a cigarette a little bit because of that. And I feel ashamed. Ashamed that I wanted one for that little bit. And scared that next time it will go a bit further, and then further the next time after that. I see cigarettes as pleasant in some way, now that I’m in much better health than I was. I’m afraid that the reality of smoking has gotten too far away from me.

I also think that the sense of fear that kept me away from cigarettes these past few months is fading. I don’t think I can maintain that kind of fear for that long, and so I think I’m uncertain as to what’s backing up my quit right now. That shift makes me very uncomfortable. When I say it like this though, it doesn’t seem as much like relapse is the future. I could just be doing the same thing I’ve always done, but my reactions have changed.

Au contraire, the math most certainly is against me. But you are right that there are certain things going for me, and it would be a good idea to remember that.

:slight_smile:

It’s good to hear this. Thanks. . . . But, it’s been more than half a year. :wink:

142

But specifically what benefits do you get from smoking? I understand the attraction. Society tells us that smoking is awesome, but it also tells us that Big Macs taste great and that Snickers candy bars make a healthy satisfying snack. You have the ability to reason past the bullshit. You are right, quiting because of fear alone is not sustainable. So why should you smoke. List all the specific things you think smoking does for you. Again don’t do it here unless you want to, but figure out what you are missing out on and then 1)decide if it is real and 2) if it is real decide if it is worth the downside. Don’t beat yourself up or feel guilty. Being a non smoker should not be horrible. Give yourself permission to miss that phase of your life and not feel terrible. But you can have nostalgia for that time without going back to smoking. Everyone goes through this at some point, so don’t beat yourself up too much. It’s going to be okay.

143

That’s of course what I don’t know. But I do think that something that draws me in is that “ahhh” feeling after lighting up. That sense of relief. Like I could take a break from the world. I know that I won’t get that feeling now because I’m no longer in withdrawal, and that’s part of why I haven’t relapsed. But I do want that “ahhh.” What would be great, I think, would be a replacement “ahhh” of some sort, but I don’t know if that’s possible or even if it’s a good idea.

Thanks. It’s hard though when things seem so pressing. It’s true though that I haven’t really spent all that much time thinking about how I should relate to the past. What would be a good sort of relationship for me to have with it?

144

That depends on you. I have a kid so I have built in reasons not to go back and think of that as my childhood in a way. I have a relative who thinks of cigarettes like chocolate cake, she likes them but knows that they aren’t a good idea so she doesn’t smoke. It’s personal. The important thing is to be ok with missing it occasionally. Guilt will kill you.

145

Thought about this thread and wondered how the OP is doing. How goes it? Don’t be too hard on yourself if you’ve backslid, but good on you if you haven’t.

146

I can’t speak for the OP, but I’m still not smoking.

I’ve been having problems with shortness of breath and feeling some pressure in my chest, so my doc sent me for pulmonary function tests. I’ve been walking around with 88% of my lung capacity, and that’s six months after I quit. Lord knows how bad it was when I first quit. Otherwise, I feel great.

147

Good luck to all smokers who have quit or are trying to. Hang in there.

148

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted in this thread. A long time. More than three months. The good news is that I’m still not smoking, which by now puts me at eleven months. I have to admit that I’m a bit impressed that I’ve managed to make it this far. I’m so close to a whole year, and that’s just amazing. I’ve never gone this long before without cigarettes unless you count the time from my birth to when I started smoking to begin with.

But I’ve been wondering why I’ve been so absent from this thread for so long. It’s true that I’ve been busy, moving, getting used to a new job, applying for new jobs for once this one is over, preparing presentations, and writing papers, as well as trying to date and live a normal life, but I don’t really think that’s all of it. I could have made time for this thread if I had wanted to.

What I’m thinking is that right now, I’m most comfortable about cigarettes when I’m not thinking about them, which admittedly is most of the time. But when I do think about them, I have that same feeling I described a few months ago when I’m feeling insecure about my ability to maintain my quit. I’m afraid that something is going to come and drag me back into the nicotine. It seems like it’s a fundamental lack of confidence, and I don’t like that feeling at all.

For example, my cousin’s wedding was a few months ago, and I was looking forward to the occasion as a good time to get really drunk. Because it’s a wedding and why not? And at first, I was afraid that I might want to smoke, and I was telling myself that smoking was not something I wanted to do, but then the idea slowly left my mind. The next day, when I woke up, I was petrified, because I had in fact gotten very drunk and had a wonderful time, and because after that first hour or so, I didn’t think about cigarettes again for the rest of the night. The fact that I didn’t think about cigarettes really scared me. It was like I was out of control or something. Like I have to have not smoking in the front of my mind for me to feel confident that I’m not going to.

(Okay, having just read what I’ve written, I’ve noticed that I’m uncomfortable when I’m thinking about cigarettes but also when I’m not, at least some of the time. Sigh. That does not make things easier to understand.)

I said before that I was afraid that there was something in smoking that made me feel drawn to it, and NAF spent some time trying to help me figure it out, but now I think that the draw is not really the thing. I think that it’s the lack of confidence. How do I feel confident not smoking when it’s not at the forefront of my thoughts? And I think the reason I haven’t posted in so long is because I think that this whole situation is embarrassing. I feel like I should be more sure of myself now at eleven months than I was at three or four, but that’s just not the case.

Combined with that is the fact that I still don’t like draconian anti-smoking regulations. I mentioned before that the University of California will be smoke-free by 2014, and it turns out the place I’m working at now is also smoke-free. I only found this out a week or so ago, even though I’ve been here since the end of September. I was a bit angry when I found out. It’s true that I didn’t notice this earlier precisely because I don’t smoke anymore, and I do have to admit that there are some advantages to the smoke-free campus, in particular the lack of litter, but there’s still a bit of the “Don’t tell me what to do”-ness still in me.

And I think that that kind of reaction is another part of why I don’t have too much confidence in myself. I noticed a number of other people in this thread who used to smoke and who are now very anti-smoking, and I can’t say that I’m one of them. And that makes me feel like I secretly want to go back to smoking. Hence my desire for constant conscious control of my behavior to keep that from happening.

So that’s the state of things for me for now. I wish it were a bit more positive, but there’s just a lot of doubt in me. And I’m embarrassed by that since I feel I should be in a different place than I am. I do though want to thank everyone who reads this thread. You’ve helped me out very much. It’s good to know that I’m not alone here and that there are people rooting for me.

Here is my current counter:

I stopped smoking on Sun, 18 Dec 2011 02:45:00 GMT.
It has been 48 weeks, 0 days, 18 hours, 8 minutes and 18 seconds since I quit.
I have saved $ 3333.88 by choosing not to smoke 11112 cigarettes.
More importantly, I saved 12 weeks, 0 days 21 hours 22 minutes of my life!

149

Yay! The true test of a successful change in behavior is not doing it when you can. It doesn’t matter if it’s smoking while drinking or overindulging in food at a wedding.

I had to speak a few weeks ago at a meeting. I was nervous enough that I wanted a cigarette before I walked into the meeting room. The feeling passed, so I didn’t. It was kinda scary, though.

I have been quit for 8 Months, 6 Days, 15 hours, 10 minutes and 53 seconds (251 days). I have saved $1,226.70 by not smoking 3,774 cigarettes. I have saved 1 Week, 6 Days, 2 hours and 30 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 3/12/2012 12:00 AM

150

I’m coming up on four years soon. Wow.

There was a time when four hours was too long. I did another trans-pacific flight and it was fantastic. Slept the whole way. Used to be wide awake from nicotine withdrawal.

:slight_smile:

I stopped smoking on Wed, 7 Jan 2009 08:59:00 UTC.
It has been 201 weeks, 4 days, 13 hours, 0 minutes and 17 seconds since I quit.
I have saved $ 21526.01 by choosing not to smoke 35288 cigarettes.
More importantly, I saved 38 weeks, 3 days 13 hours 34 minutes of my life!

151

Congrats to RadicalPi and all the other reformed smokers.

152

Had my last cig about an hour ago. I’m sick of spending money on them, I’m sick of being short of breath, I’m sick of the smell on my clothes, and I’m sick of being judged in the worst ways over one stupid habit.

I’m not losing anything, only gaining.

153

Yay, doctor krieger! Welcome to the club…(which I’m not in, but a big fan of…)

Lots of good advice in this thread, and lots of people who are here to listen.
-D/a

154

i quit smoking with the help of swedish snus, a type of spit-less oral tobacco.

i’m not going to extoll its virtues (that’s what google is for), but it’s a much safer alternative to smoking.

155

Well, good for you for not smoking. For me the inhaling of smoke is the real evil, so do what you gotta. In my mind snus is sort of like using nicorette or the patch, it won’t break you of the nicotine habit but it’s better than smoking. If you are ok with continuing to get nicotine I won’t fault you for it, I more or less replaced my nicotine use with caffeine so I can’t really throw stones. What kind of Snus did you use? I tried some back when I was a smoker (tried nasal snuff once too, which was weird) but it wasn’t for me.

Congrats to doctor krieger too! Not smoking is great. Let us know if you need to be talked down every now and then.

156

I quit about four months ago… I was primarily smoking at work… probably as a stress crutch… Was surprised sort of that this time it stuck… I guess everytime you try you do learn something.(One was to forgo Guinness for a time until i got it to stick lol)
Now I can enjoy my Guinness or a single malt without even wanting to light up with it. Keep trying to those who want to quit… and no… I haven’t become the annoying ex smoker lol

157

One Year!

I stopped smoking on Sun, 18 Dec 2011 02:45:00 GMT.
It has been 52 weeks, 2 days, 0 hours, 7 minutes and 50 seconds since I quit.
I have saved $ 3623.45 by choosing not to smoke 12078 cigarettes.
More importantly, I saved 13 weeks, 1 days 6 hours 19 minutes of my life!

158

Congratulations! Sincerely.

159

Congratulations! I know you updated us a month or so ago, but can you give us another update one year in: do you notice the extra cash? Do you feel dramatically better, only a little, not at all? Do you still fear you’ll backslide?

160

Congrats! That’s an awesome achievement. :slight_smile: