I’d like to tell her to take a long bike ride, but she probably wouldn’t like that too much 
I think the point is there are women-folk that came in here to tell her to take time for herself and take a breather…with hints with what we do as vagina-holders do for ourselves.
I have to apologize ahead of time if I’m way off base here, because frankly, I hate it when people automatically assume hormones are the cause of every emotion a woman has, but…
Can I make a guess that you’re in your 40’s, given you said you’ve had the bike for 23 years. Have you read up on menopause? The irrational anger and depression, feeling out of control as you watch yourself freak about something you know darn well in your intellectual brain you should not be so freaked about, all that can be the signs of approaching menopause. Like PMS, only worse and not on a schedule.
Could it be something along those lines? (Along with the basic being married for a long time and stuff just gets to you sometimes.)
Okay, yes, I’m 46. Damn it. In fact I haven’t been feeling well on and off for quite a long time and can’t get three doctors to figure it out. They keep passing me off to each other. I think they think I’m just nuts or something.
I am still irrationaly mad about the ink. I spent quite a lot of time spraying this stuff on each spot and wiping it with old towels. (Three old towels now in the trash.) Washed the stuff twice. It’s basically okay. Except the main shirt, which will be a disaster. He’ll wear it canoeing, I guess.
He is very apologetic and says, “We’ll survive this.” Which is really funny, because of course we’ll survive it. Like, maybe I need to buy three pairs of pants for me, two pairs for him and two shirts for him. He’s the one who doesn’t like to spend money. He will happily wear clothing with spots and holes until I finally buy him new clothes so his bosses won’t think he is a hobo.
The ink cleaner smelled refreshingly like peppermint.
And yes, in fact, I think I would like to be groomed by a baboon. I like to get my back scratched.
The best news of my day is that it is an off day for the Tour de France so I don’t have to listen to it in the background. (Did you know there are similar races in Italy and Spain? More to enjoy!!)
But I’m still furious. I did tell him tonight about how it was the last straw after him not going to the movie with me after I went on a very long bike ride with him on Saturday. He says, “But we just went to San Francisco.” Yes, he had a business trip to SF. I had gone with him on another business trip there in March. He kept talking about this one. I finally said, “Do you want us to go with you?” And he said yes. So we went. Our daughter got to go this time. But it wasn’t like I was dying to go there because I just went there in March. But I guess I’m supposed to be really grateful that he lowered himself to take me to SF for four days.
I have ink stains on my hands.
P.S. Regarding my tits, that’s for me to know and you not to find out. YOU FREAK!!!
I’m no relationship expert, but it sounds to me as if he’s oblivious to the things that matter most to you. Have you told him how this makes you feel, or do you just assume he knows what you like and want?
That’s ok, too much baggage anyway!
You don’t seem very well right now so I feel a little bit bad about coming down so hard on the OP. Must be because of the the weather or something (feeling bad that is). Probably not hormones. Anyway good luck with the laundry from now on. It must be a nightmare to share a bathroom with a freak.
Geez, you’ve already emasculated this guy to the point he feels comfortable riding on a gay-ass tandem bicycle for 2 hours, and now you bitch because he forgot a pen in his pocket.
Chris Rock once said “No matter how different two men are, if you say, ‘Hey, man, women are crazy,’ you got a friend.” You wanna know why? It’s because women are fucking crazy.
It’s worse than that, I think she was dragged along.
Ve haff vays of makink yoo talk!
Consider yourself cordially invited to go marry any man who’ll have you.
Perhaps the reason why you are feeling irrationally angry about something seemingly minor is that there seems to be a pattern–at least to me, anyway. Speaking as someone who’s been married a long time, I know the feeling. It isn’t just that he forgot to clean out his pockets (which, hey, how did that become MY job? Aren’t we both adults here? I’m not your Mommy, clean out your own damn pockets. I don’t see you cleaning out mine, or cleaning up after me.)
Maybe it’s a pattern of carelessness on his part. He doesn’t do any of these minor irritations on purpose, he just doesn’t notice them. It doesn’t occur to him that you’d like him to do what YOU want to do–not always, just on a more even scale. Why does everything always have to be about him?
However, I found that it wasn’t anything deliberate on my husband’s part, he just expected me to STATE what I wanted & not back down. I was more used to negotiating & reciprocating–it felt like I was being pushy if I said, “No, I don’t want to watch A & E’s latest installment of “Biker Babes Behind Bars,” I want to watch something I can enjoy too.”
I found that stating what I wanted, without emotion and with a good sense of humor, worked wonders. Because if I had it out with him over the ink on the pants, all he would hear is that he got ink on the pants (and he’d be thinking hey, what’s the big deal about that? Oops, sorry.), when what I was actually talking about was why wasn’t he pitching in to help take care of the ink on the pants?
I feel obliged to share the following: Ink-Out made by CORE Products Co., Inc.
www.coreproductsco.com Am I allowed to do that?
Now, after the gay-ass bike riding comment, I’m going to have to say the following. Some of my best friends are gay, and they are a lot more talented and intelligent than you. Do they ride bikes? Probably not.
Also, I have to defend the crazy husband regarding the bike riding, even though it makes me nuts. He can eat anything he wants any time he wants because he rides his bike to work (15 miles each way) then rides on weekends. Too bad he didn’t get the chance to try racing. I would be willing to bet that his abs look a lot better than yours, not to mention his legs. Svelte, he is.
We also saved a lot of money for 22 years by having only one car at a time. This was because he rides his bike to work or rides the bus. I’m the one with the car. We finally got the 2nd car when I wanted a Mini Cooper. He bought it for me.
So now he’s turned from an inconsiderate, pen-carrying freak to the guy who puts up with me and bought me a Mini Cooper. We still have some stuff to work out, obviously.
I feel so much better now that I vented. One more towel in the trash. The shirt with the pen even looks pretty good. I smell like peppermint.
Does anyone know how to get ink stains off a dryer drum?
P.S. Don’t put a pen in your pocket. Ever. Just carry it with you or assume you will find one where you are going.
Why didn’t you call me. Lillith Fair? Not only did my Sunday afternoon date fall through but I have some great ink remover and “Hitchiker’s Guide To The Galaxy” is at the Detroit theater! Cheap! You could have saved me from an afternoon of trying to teach my daughter how to make Chex party mix while being watched by grandma ( I actually said to her, as she was turned around in her chair watching me dry the mixing bowl: “Is this really fascinating?” I’m going staight to hell!) And then my daughter went out to pick blueberries and grandma yelled at her out the window that she was starting with the wrong bush. And when I made a batch of bluberry wine, she wanted to know who gave me permission to use her blueberries for wine. There are 20 million blueberries on those bushes, and I can’t use three cups.
But I digress. I feel your pain, and many people here have given you some great advice. Just keep remembering why you fell in love with him in the first place, and remember that he’s a good man who makes a good living and comes to your bell choir concerts (even if he does play games on his phone during the performance) and comes home to you every night and doesn’t run around with women he picks up in bars. And without him there would be no funny emails from you each week to keep twenty other women chuckling. Your budding writing career would suffer!
And for those who wondered about the size of Lillith’s endowments: I’d trade up any day.
Yes, CRich, I am going to start being more direct. What seems obvious to me must not be to him.
Now, about the cleaning of pockets. I don’t necessarily think it’s my job, but I also don’t want to wash his tie tack or his compass again. Yes, once I washed his compass. I usually leave Kleenex in my pockets, but twice I have left my diamond 20th anniversary ring and found it in the bottom of the washer.
And now, the pen. I’m going to be absolutely vigilant in the future.
Luckily, my daughter washes her own clothes, not because I make her, but because she is too lazy to drop them down the laundry chute.
I should also point out that he probably does more of the house cleaning than I do, and perhaps an equal amount of cooking. I prefer to do the wash myself because I want it done really right. Well, maybe he would do it more right than I do. Hmmm…
Well, I guess that’s enough about this subject.
I think we’ve hit the nail on the head here. It really doesn’t sound like he’s trying to piss you off or be difficult - he probably thinks everything is just hunky-dory, and you are seeing things differently.
You know, he is right about this one.
Either that, or he’s not inferring or guessing your emotional motivation from the things you do. Perhaps you present him with a symptom of his forgetfulness (the pen) and he apologizes, but what you might want is for him to draw a conclusion about that symptom and arrive at the problem you didn’t say.
That’s only a guess, of course, but I know I (as a man) hardly ever try to interpret the emotional implications of why people around me do as they do. Perhaps this is the same condition.
Shit… people have emotions?
That’s what I hear. I had to go some conference about it once for work.
“and comes to your bell choir concerts (even if he does play games on his phone during the performance”
Wow, sounds like a real peach. So he can watch cycling races for hours on television but can’t give a performance his wife is in his undivided attention for a (presumably) much shorter period of time?