…so I won’t even try."
I’m sorry if you were offended by Kimstu’s post.
It’s actually kind of a thing my roommates and I do to each other.*
“Don’t take this personally but it’s cold in here so I’m gonna go put some socks on.”
“I’m not racist but do you guys want to get a pizza?”
*Ok, it’s actually just me and my roommates think it’s stupid but that’s part of the reason I do it. To annoy them.
I’m sorry if anyone was offended by John Mace’s conditional apology for Kimstu’s post.
“I’m sorry if you were offended” isn’t the best way to make such an apology, though. This may seem nitpicky, but there is a difference between “I’m sorry I offended you” and “I’m sorry [if] you were offended.” The former is actually an apology – you [generic you] are saying you regret the consequences of your actions, even if they were unintended – but the latter is really just saying you pity the person for being offended but are not accepting any responsibility for it. It’s kind of like saying “I’m sorry your dog died.” That’s not an apology, it’s an expression of sympathy. Which is perfectly appropriate if you had nothing to do with the sad situation, but kind of awful if you did.
Including the “if” is even worse, as it suggests that you either don’t know or don’t believe that the other person actually was offended.
[quote=“Gary “Wombat” Robson, post:64, topic:651383”]
I’m sorry if anyone was offended by John Mace’s conditional apology for Kimstu’s post.
[/QUOTE]
It’s well known that **Kimstu **has compromising pictures of you involving a goat, a well lubricated boat anchor and an apple. Your balls are well and truly in hock. If I were you I’d quit with the qualifications and offer a fulsome apology pronto. You know how she feels about these things.
I think ‘fulsome’ means you’ll be needing to borrow my man-sized bustier.
But what if I am really sorry if I offended someone, especially if I didn’t realize that what I said was offensive until they took offense? Not everyone who says “I’m sorry you were offended” is being insincere. I know I really mean I am sorry when I say it.
You forgot to mention that you were the one riding the goat and holding the apple.
Yes, this is exactly what I was talking about in my post above, April. Sometimes you say the truth, and it offends someone, and you are sorry that they took offense, but you aren’t sorry for saying what you said. I don’t see any insincerity there.
But a lot of people actually aren’t sorry at all that you are offended, yet they say it anyway. I’d say the vast majority of “I’m sorry if you were offended” apologies are insincere.
I’ve never really considered not apologizing if it was clear to me that I had both wronged someone and that, had I exercised a modicum of forethought, I could have avoided having done so.
Simple right? Yeah. Not when you’re counting up your sandwiches only to realize that you’re short because your pic-i-nic basket was packed by Lucy and Ethel (for the yunguns out there, think Chang and Dean Pelton - yeah, better since they would throw in some mace and bolt cutters - what, you got a fuckin’ problem with that? 
).
I don’t even really mind apologizing when fault isn’t clear but it doesn’t really cost me anything to show a little bit of weakness if I think it will help the other person. That’s a dangerous and tricky maneuver since people really do tend to be like sharks very often and unless you have very good people skills (people *what *now?), it’s very hard to tell the difference. Even so, if I can just cut off a pinky toe or slice off a tiny bit of non-essential muscle, I mostly don’t mind - usually.
The thing that tends to get under my skin though is when I have this almost epistemological conviction that the person is not actually offended in any meaningful way but has as their primary desire a need to force everyone else to become emotionally subservient via guilt.
Now if that didn’t set off your ‘I smell some psych issues’ alarm, you need to go in for a recalibration stat. I mean for me to invoke the concept of an epistemological conviction in the context of anything approximating social reality is just, let’s say ‘quite humorous’ and leave it at that.
All the same, I’m sure it happens as it’s just another manifestation of Ye Olde power trip right? And whether someone uses it as an end in itself to provide emotional satisfaction for their emotionally stunted persona, as a tool of manipulation or likely both, I’m sure the phenomenon is quite real.
So here’s the question. How does that factor in. Can/should it?
[quote=“Gary “Wombat” Robson, post:69, topic:651383”]
You forgot to mention that you were the one riding the goat and holding the apple.
[/QUOTE]
I’d like to offer a fulsome unqualified apology for my omission. Just don’t mention this ever again.
Personally, I see no problems with “expedient apologies” where it’s patently obvious the person making the apology is doing so not because they’re actually sorry but because they’re required/forced/under immense pressure to do so.
Given that everything is offensive to someone these days, that seems to happen quite a bit, it seems, regardless of whether or not the action/comments in question really were offensive to people who weren’t looking for something to be outraged about.
Again, personally, I’d love to hear someone with a public profile involved in some trivial manufactured outrage* say “Actually, I’m not sorry, and I don’t care if there’s a shitload of people being outraged on social media about [whatever was allegedly done]. Go to the hardware store, buy some timber, build a bridge, and get the fuck over it. Oh, and while you’re at the hardware store, feel free to buy some cement so you can harden the fuck up in the process.”
I doubt it will happen any time soon, though.
*As in, not an actual outrage where they really should be sorry for doing something truly abhorrent
You have the right to be offended. I have the right to be offensive.
I will apologise if what I say is found to be incorrect, or in some way illegal, but I offer no apology for your precious sensitivity.
I try very hard to be considerate and inoffensive at all times.
Also, sometimes what you thought was the “truth” or something innocuous tuns out to be false or misinformed and it took someone taking offense to realize you had been wrong or ignorant. Most of the time when I am sorry someone took offense it is because they helped me see something I thought or said was wrong and I need to amend something in my thinking or actions.
We had a priest visit and say Mass now and then and he insisted on talking about offering God “fulsome” praise. I do not think that word (always) means what he thinks it means. Pick an unambiguous word! (Definition 3 being the one I always think of.)
- offensive to good taste, especially as being excessive; overdone or gross: fulsome praise that embarrassed her deeply; fulsome décor.
- disgusting; sickening; repulsive: a table heaped with fulsome mounds of greasy foods.
- excessively or insincerely lavish: fulsome admiration.
- encompassing all aspects; comprehensive: a fulsome survey of the political situation in Central America.
- abundant or copious.
I knew this was a controversial topic going into it, but after weighing the options, I felt it was important to present the subject on all sides.
Offer noisome joy unto the Lord!
Just make the apology about what you did, rather than how it made them feel. If you’re sincere, own it. “I’m sorry. What I said was wrong.” You can then follow up with feeling bad about the feeling bad and what you really meant.
I blame Shakespeare: