I'm Sorry Marty

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I knew this couple “Mary & Marty” from daycare. I would pick up my children and Marty would pick up his boys. We would chit chat and be on our way. Every now and then I would see him in the grocery store and we would say hello. Then I stopped going to the daycare and a long time had passed.

I bumped into Marty at the grocery store. He had lost a ton of weight and had grown his hair long. We chatted for a minute and he told me he got divorced. I said that is too bad. You guys seem to get along just great. He then said well this got in the way and he flipped a pocket book at me. It was then that I realized he was wearing women’s clothing! He said his friends call him “Marlene” now. I was astonished. We talked in the parking lot for a few more minutes and he asked me for my number. I gave it to him unsure of how I felt about it.

Then I got in the car and had to explain to my boys why Marty was wearing womens clothing. All I could think to tell them was that he was under a lot of stress right now.

That night Marty called me and invited me to his house for a glass of wine. I agreed but wanted to bring a friend. I brought my bestfriend (who is a butch lesbian for protection <g>)

We met at Marty’s house and it was a nice little apartment. I excused myself to the bathroom. I couldn’t help but snoop. He had all women’s products in the bathroom nothing masculine at all. As I walked thru his bedroom there were bras hanging on a hook as well as several pocketbooks.

We got back to our discussion and it seemed all centered around him. Seems he is getting a sex change. One of the questions I asked him was, was he going to date guys. He said no he was just going to be a lesbian unless the doctor gave him a pill for it. (like there is really such a pill!) His boys were there and he told them to call him “mom” He said he had to live his life as a woman for a year before he could get the operation. He said that it was causing all kinds of probelms for him on the job because he wanted to use the ladies room but HR woulnd’t let him. He felt that he was on the brink of losing his job because he was causing such a rukus. Which is a shame cause he has been with the company for over 15 years.

We ended up leaving that night feeling weird. It pissed me off that he was hitting on my friend. He hugged her for so long that I had to peel them apart and I said “that’s enough”

Marty called many times after this night but I never returned his phone calls. I saw him at the grocery store several times. Often catching him in a dress wearing god-awful womens clothing and shoes and a terrible 5 o’clock shadow. He looked pitiful.

I don’t know how this can happen to a man that was the size of a football player and had everything going for him.

This he-male / she-male thing just is too hard to understand.

Sorry I coulnd’t be your friend Marty.

2

I know it’s hard to understand if you always knew your friend as a guy - it would come as a big shock. Thing is, with a transsexual person, they’ve always always seen themselves as the sex they identify as. It’s not something that’s "happened£ from her point of view, it’s something that’s always been. She’s a woman. A woman unlucky enough to have been born into a man’s body and have lived as a man, but a woman nonetheless. Of course there were bras and ladies handbags in the bedroom. There are bras and ladies handbags in my bedroom and probably in yours too (I’m a woman-by-birth, btw)

You say you’re sorry - this indicates that you feel you’ve done wrong. Is there a chance you could do right? A chance you could try to get your head around this, and be Marlene’s friend? She’s the same person she always was, just not a guy.

3

Hey Tansu. I feel like I wasn’t behaving like a good Christian and being “all accepting” and I think “what would Jesus do?” and I realize he would have been friends with Marlene.

I’ve lost Marlene’s number and have since moved to another city so the damage is done.

I guess if this ever comes up again I will be better at how to handle it.

I hope Marlene finds some friends. I did suggest to him/her that he/she go to the Rainbow Center which has group meetings for people like him/her. I bet that is a lonely road to walk down.

4

ditto what Tansu said… As a woman who has very little sense of reality, I appreciate my friends SO much. Having very little input from my mom, there is a lot that I’ve had to learn along the way. And this is where good friends come in. Marlene needs someone who can help her. If she’s wearing “God-awful” clothes, maybe she’s not gotten the hang of going into boutiques and is shopping exclusively at Wal-mart (no offense) or through catalogs. It’s hard feeling like you just don’t fit. I hope you can find it in yourself to be a friend to Marlene.

5

Welcome to my world, Isabelle. Too bad you didn’t accept the invitation.