Ahoy ahoy y’all, just thought i’d drop a line and say howdy, let it be known that i am indeed not yet dead.
So what’s shakin’ here?
Anything real fun? sexy? scary? odd? smelly? dirty? scary? yellow? upside down? sideways up? etc?
Me, i’m good.
:fluff checking in:
Hi yourself. I’m not dead either, though I am pretty much drunk which means in about 10 minutes I’ll be nekkid. Glad you’re doing well, in any case.
What’s up, you little toenail? I was wondering where the hell you’d been. Nice to see you ain’t dead - but give it time. In the meantime, as my uncle used to say: “Belch.”
Upham, you donkey. This place has been that much less amusing without your drunken/toked up exploits to read about. You gotta come back full force. I know I already asked you where you been, but I cant remember what you said. 
[sub]Dont tell anyone I said this, EVER, but, I missed you man…[/sub]
Yay!!!
Not-dead is definitely good. 
Missed ya in chat
Robin
Spooooooonman!
Hmm. My hair is yellow. Well ok so it’s blonde. But you asked what was yellow, so that’s close.
Glad to see you. How’s the dreads?
Good to see you around!
I miss your wit, your weird rationale, your lust for life! Please tell me you’re staying this time!
::smooch and a hug::
[sub]How’re you feeling? Did you ever do a re-match with your little brother and his friends?[/sub]
It’s really boring
When you’re decomposing
People just want to
Put you in the ground
They throw the dirt on you
The worms nibble on you
It’s no fun when you’re
Six feet down
When you’re dead
Things crawl out of your head
When you’re…
Deeeaaaad…!
Something sexy this way comes.
Hey, is your name really Upham? It’s an old family name of mine, so I’m curious.
-L
I think I am dead guys…
[little boy whisper]
I see dead people…
[/little boy whisper]
Hi, Upham!
I was afraid you’d met your antimatter counterpart, Downturkey, and had annihilated each other in a tremendous burst of energy. Glad to know that isn’t the case.
Fun? Well, now you Canadian types have an analogue to Where’s George: Where’s Willy, good for wasting time on a rainy day.
Sexy? Check out this thread: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=63728
or this one: http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=63724.
Scary? You have heard that Satan was banned, eh?
As for odd, smelly, dirty, scary (why two scarys?),yellow, upside down and sideways up, I’ll leave to others. Have a great day!