Magdalene…I’m a chick in the “Just friends” camp too. I hang out with the guys, but that be about it. Ah well.
Well, maybe you’re not displaying it vigorously enough. Try pressing it against your chosen mate’s back, with a “I think you’re special.” or something like that. That works on me. 
An excellent dissertation, and a delight to read. Item 7 in particular really brought up some old memories. You really do know your platonic friendships.
I got out of the platonic friendship routine by resolving to work toward “closing the deal” right from the very first “hello,” and avoiding the role of confidant like the plague. I don’t know if that made me more of a bastard; in a way it made me feel more predatory at first. But eventually I realized that it was a game we were both playing, and not something I was imposing unilaterally on the woman.
Snigger…that’s not what I heard, Falcon.
Ura Maru - thanks for the tip. I think the problem for me is that love/lust is based on friendship. I used to be a bit of a slut in college - first sex, then getting to know the person - but now I need to make sure that a potential lover and I get along as friends. So I meet a guy, I’m attracted to him, I think he might be attracted to me, we get this great intellectual exchange going, make each other laugh, spend lots of time together, get all comfy around each other and then I’m in the friend zone and I don’t know how to release the inner slut.
I’m not really comfortable making the first move, because whenever I do it it turns out badly. I figure if a guy wants me bad enough, he’ll let me know and if he doesn’t want me that bad then I don’t want him. I don’t want to risk having someone mess around with me just because I made it easy and convenient for him. The guy who truly befriends me before making a move will be rewarded by meeting my inner slut.
I think you are right when you say it will take time and the right person.
Or absolutely clueless. Despite our best instincts to put women on a pedestal, they’re equally stupid and clueless as most men about this stuff!
Personally, I think they know. I revisited one or two of those old platonic friendships 10 years after the fact and told the women in question that I had had a crush on them all along. And they said that they were aware of that at the time, but they didn’t want me as a boyfriend back then. They wanted me as a boy friend. So I side with Ura-Maru.
It’s not an either/or situation, JTR. Some of them proably have no idea, because as a girlfriend, you must, therefore have no real sex drive. Some of them proably suspect, but just don’t want to deal with it, and if they confronted you on it it’d ruin the freindship, and it’s so nice having a guy who’s always there for them and makes no demands . . .
A few probably know, and cackle about it with their female frends, because they are evil sadists who love watching you squirm with unrequited love.
Ladies, check to see which group you fit into. And if it’s the third, give me a call. It would be nice to be in an honest relationship for a change.
As a general rule, I try to never attribute to malice what can be just as easily explained through cluelessness.
Magdalene, if it makes you feel better, what I’ve been looking for for half my 25 years is someone who can engage in great intellectual exchange, laughs with me, is all comfy, and has a sutibly imaginitive inner slut.
I wasn’t really suggesting assaulting one of your male freinds. (the Cinemax version of sexuality, I guess) I have problems letting people I like see my sexuality without turning it into a joke, so I think I understand where you’re coming from. So, good luck is what I guess I’m saying.
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“Come on skull, jump out of my face!”
Fair enough, Ura-Maru.
First off, I probably should have said, “Personally, I think they know at some level.” I think that would have been more representative of my actual experience. I like the way you put it: “Some of them probably suspect, but just don’t want to deal with it…” Also, I’ve had the experience of going back to a couple of those old girl friends long after the fact and talking over past times, and hearing that they knew; but the true situation may be more evident to both of us in hindsight than it was at the time.
Second, I probably should have added “…in my own experience.” I was generalizing from my own teen years, and others didn’t necessarily have (aren’t necessarily having) the same experience.
Third, my teens were a long time ago (I’m 44), and the memory can indeed play tricks… You’re apparently analyzing the situation (and very well, I might add), from a closer perspective.