Hows this for an interesting subject… My situation is an interesting one. I simply get along with girls much better than I do guys. It’s sad to say, but in general, guys ARE pigs, or at the very least selfish assholes who are bent on using people for what they can. I seem to get along with the ladies much better: They’re more open to deep, thought out conversation; they are in general more caring in regard to my problems; Guys tend to annoy me after long periods of time.
Despite the fact that I have appeared gay to some people, I’m not. I have a beautiful girlfriend who I love with all of my heart. She means the whole world to me, and I’d do anything just to see her smile.
The thing is, I seem to be that perfect sensitive gay guy that women always want as their buddy. My best friend Amanda refers to me as her #1 Girlfriend. My friend Pam says while she doesn’t think of me as a woman, she sees me as having very likable feminine characteristics.
Anybody else out there in my boat?
Nothing new here. I have more female friends than male and for the most part they’re a lot closer too. My best friend is female (an ex-gf btw). We share everything without reservations and giggle like schoolgirls over each other’s dates. They find me easy to talk to and confide in which is simultaneously wonderful and frustrating.
sigh For an evil gender they’re so wonderful and fascinating… 
The Bloodhound Gang——but I think they have a different personal agenda
Hey Guinevere, why aren’t you studying?! 
I think my most likable female characteristic is my man-breasts. But I appear to be the only one that likes. Oh well, no accounting for taste I guess. 
I’ve seemed to have female best friends for most of my life…in fact there was a time, when I was at university in Toronto, when I didn’t really have any male friends at all and spent all of my time with “women friends.” It was particularly interesting how they treated the woman I was dating (there’s no way I could call her a GF)–their name for her was That Bitch. After a while, I began to see their point…
All of this came to a halt when I got married. Is it because some women feel a bit threatened by it?
Yep, I’m king of the “boy friend, not boyfriend” syndrome.
When I was in college, my (then) GF and I couldnt go out without bumping into several women who knew me and she got pretty jealous of the attention I recieved. After a while, she realised that these women would rather hump a syphilitic wildebeest than have a shot on the “twistcannon”.
I always had loads of female friends in college. As a result, I was their first port of call when they were having boy trouble. Plus, the stories they would tell me would have your average readers letters section put to shame.
none the less, I still dont understand y’all!
Yup, in the same boat, pulling an oar, chanting the song.
Many women friends, some “friends with favors” some not. It’s great though, because they know they can talk to you about anything any your not just listening until you can find a way to get their clothes off.
That happens later.
I have always had a number of really good female friends and find that I get along with women well despite the fact they come from another planet.
I used to date a woman who couldn’t deal with my female friends at all, she gave me the ultimatum that it was “them or me”. Guess what my choice was?
I might add that I have been friends with women without the desire to get them naked at some point.
The key to the entire deal, IMHO, is to keep everything sort of at a distance until any dating issues have been resolved in some fashion. Usually, this doesn’t take long, and then you can go ahead and be friends without having to worry about that.
And yeah, I’ve been in that situation up to my neck. What sucked ever worse, is that I had pretty much fallen in love with my closest female friend, who had no idea, and kept saying awful things like “You’re so great… like my brother”, or in conversations involving sex or relationships, “I couldn’t ever have sex with you… I think of you like my brother, only closer”.
It feels a lot like I imagine being hit in the gut with a sledgehammer feels like.
So I’ve pretty much put close female friendships on hiatus for a while, and have gone to being somewhat more of a bastard than I had been in the past. What’s scary is that the more of a bastard I act like, the better I seem to do with women. Someone explain that one to me…
Me too. Throughout high school and college I was the classic platonic guy friend (I still am to a lesser extent). I would have prefered a different relationship with some of those women – and each of them professed complete surprise when I told them.
Geez, and women think men are dense.
Um, hate to break it to you, but this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Guys aren’t assholes in general, but you’re so certain they will be, you either interpret everything that way even when its completely inoccuous, or you have such a piss poor attitude that guys have no desire to be nice to you. This trait is common in you and all the women who scream from the rooftops that all men are evil. Face it, if most all people of one type (male, female, gay, stright, black, jewish, whatever) come across as assholes in your eyes, the problem is with you, not them. The fact you don’t get along with men says more about you, than it does about the nature of men. Men aren’t anymore homogenous than any other group of people, there are assholes, and really nice guys, smart and dumb, all across the spectrum. You either manage to come across the asshole variety all the time because of some personality trait of yours, or you bias every opinion against most men you meet.
Now, whatever floats your boat, if you don’t get along with guys thats fine. Live your life that way, and don’t bitch about it unless you want to change it. If you want to change it, quit pointing fingers at everyone else, and take a look in the mirror. Otherwise, enjoy shopping with the ladies.
Believe it, Omni is the voice of experience.
Omni sweetie, you are aware the OP is a guy, yes?
Falc, yup. I was comparing him to the women who say similar things.
I’m not surprised by anything posted so far. I’d even say that most of the people I know are pretty much the same.
As for me, my best friend is a guy, buy most of my good friends are women.
I’d add that the one time I did enter into a serious sexual relationship with a long time platonic friend it blew the friendship into horrible little bits. We still email each other now and again, but it’ll never be the same.
Bah! A mere pretender! Bow down to the one true king and lord of the platonic friends! Women tens of thousands of miles away are inflicted with the strange urge to tell me their personal secrets, without ever speaking to me, knowing where I am, or who! I get spam emails telling me how nice and what a good friend I am, and “don’t ever change”!
Ok, now the bad part.
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Men aren’t pigs. Or rather, they’re no more pigs them women are. Sometimes less so. Idolizing women is easy, and pretty common with guys who get into this situation, but it just ain’t so, and will only get you hurt.
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A “friend” who accepts your emotional support without offering the same is not your friend. She’s using you just as much as the guy who picks up drunk women then discards them is using them.
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She’s never going to like you in “that way,” no matter how perfect it would be. Holding on to a “friendship” that’s causing you nothing but pain is just going to drive you nuts. You’re not a bad person if you need to break it off, or not see her for a while. A friend would not require you to supress all aspects of your own sexuality simply because it makes them uncomfortable to think of you that way.
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Many, if not most women do not date “friends,” so as bump suggested, get the fact that you want to be considerd as a romantic prospect out Before you get stuffed in the friends closet.
This isn’t entirely irrational. Remeber, you know a lot about your female friends, and if they got more intmate with you, you could really hurt them.
Yes, this is kind of silly. People are kind of silly.
- Do not expect sympathy or understanding of this situation from women. They will either 1) express sympathy, wonder how other women could be so blind to your better qualites, and continue to treat you as a girlfriend, or 2) get defensive and insist that its all your fault, and you’re a coward and no wonder no woman is interested in a wimp like you, just be a man, and like that.
I’m willing to give good odds that someone will post pretty much that response before too long.
Now there is a little truth in this. Many women won’t like “nice guy” types, some for “valid” reasons, some because they prefer bad boy types. There’s nothing you can do about the latter, though. You can change your own behavior to increse your chances.
- Vurtually every woman claims that thier primary critira for a boyfriend is something along the lines of “respects/understands me, is fun to be around, and has a good sense of humor.” This is a lie.
What most women are attracted to is “masculinity,” however they define it. This might mean they like hunter/fisher/pickup truck types, clever, poetic rebellious types, or stable, intellectual doctor types, but almost always includes confidance.
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They proably don’t know how hurtful they’re being. You would think that any person of reasonable, or even below average, intellegence would be able to figure out that calling a male friend who has little success with women “girlfriend” is cruel, or bitching about relationship problems with someone who dosn’t have one is tactless. Unbelivably, they proably don’t, however. Because, as everyone knows, male friends have no sex drives. Or, they could be sadists.
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Watch out women who regularly get in bad relationships, and still want to confide in you emotionally, and tell you how bad thier boyfreinds are. You may be the victim of the Amazing Double Boyfriend relationship. That is, she is fulfilling herself sexually with jerk boyfriend, and emotionally with wimp boyfriend.(IE you) This is a bad situation all around.
She’s not going to give you the support of a real relationship, because she dosn’t see you as an equal. She’s not going to seek a healthy relationship, because she’s already in one. Jerk boyfrend has no motivation to change his behavior, because she seems happy. And you, my friend, are going to go nuts trying to help her, meanwhile becomeing so swollen with seed that you burst.
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Don’t get too bitter. Bitterness can be entertaning, but it’s not going to help the situation. However, you can use a little bitterness to avoid idolizing women. Nobody respects someone who kisses thier ass, after all.
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Even if you do understand women, don’t let them know that. Freaks them out. And if you want them to see you as a man, it dosen’t hurt to act like what they expect a man to act like, no matter how silly it is.
Disclaimer: All instances of the word “women” in this post refer to hetrosexual/bi women, “in my experience.” Obviously my experience does not encompass all women, so pointing out that this may not hold true for all women is redundant. My experience does in fact contain a few women who do not act in this fasion, but not that many. In short, I am generalizing.
Feel free to post about how wrong and patheic I am, but don’t expect me to agree. Well, maybe about the pathetic part.
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“And she immediatly just friends him!”
I’m the rare chick who lives in The Friend Zone (although I get occasional benefits). How, how, how do I break out of it?
[quiet, David Attenburoh nature show voice]
Here we have that rare find, the female Just Friend. Note its graceful movements, as it seeks a mate. Alas, the male of this species cannot recognize its subtle mating display.
[/quiet, David Attenburoh nature show voice]
You get out the same way we do. Slowly. 
Ain’t nothing subtle about this rack.